A BACK TO SCHOOL PRIMER FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN:
Small Children Need Parents To Be “Courage Coaches” More Now Than Ever Before
The 5th in a 6 Part Back To School
Special Survival Skills Series.
IN THIS, the 5th article in a 6-part Back To School Special, we will talk a bit about parents and guardians taking the role of Courage Coaches and inculcating fundamental and life-preserving Escape and Evasion skills and strategies against potential and real sex predators and child abductors. In the next (8th) posting we will address parents imbedding crucial Counter-Bullying Strategies for their children, be they small or teenager.
PARENTS WHO EMBRACE this crucial role will most likely be teaching the same skills and strategies I teach in my S.T.I.C.K. (Survival Techniques and Intervention Concepts for Kids/Parents) Programs, but because they are loving parents and with the children during almost every aspect of their young lives, the impact of the lessons will be that much greater (than what I can teach in a couple 2-hour classes). Also - and this is so important - for children these lessons, techniques and role plays I advocate will be frightening and scary for most children. But with good, concerned and committed parents literally at their sides, it will be only a matter of gentle persistence by their Courage Coach until the child(ren) begin to learn and actually have fun with the drills and exercises I advocate.
HOW CAN I BECOME A COURAGE COACH FOR MY KIDS?
- Work closely with your child(ren).
- Be Open and Accepting of All Input (Not Judgmental).
- Encourage child(ren) to discuss all relevant events, feelings, fears, etc.
- Maintain and support a Family Defense Plan (FDP).
- Be Very Supportive of Child(ren) when he or she reports an experience with stranger or bully. Praise is crucial.
- Play the “What if? Game.” Discuss different scenarios with child(ren), suggest possible troublesome scenarios and ask “What would you do, if—?” Be supportive of all answers. Give suggestions to possible resolutions.
- Role Play Games. Courage Coaches should do their level best to make whatever games you play to make these games as much fun as possible, but also to make them crucial learning experiences.
- Fighting Arts Games: A friend of mine, who is also a Mixed Martial Arts Fighter, teaches his children through Fun Fighting Games. In one game he uses a blue training mat on a red rug and the blue mat is the “Monster Mat.” The key is the monster mat is where the child knows he has to fight, etc.
- Encourage Child(ren) to Trust Gut Instincts. Fact is, at an early age your child’s instincts have already developed. Matter of fact, children have not yet learned to distrust their feelings, like many adults. Encourage, then, your child(ren) that, when he or she gets The Creeps around an adult or another child, even if that adult or child is a family member, that he or she should (be given permission to) either move away/run from that person(s), or, at the very least should not be made to hug or kiss that person (”Jonny, what’s wrong with you? C’mon now, give Uncle Tom a big hug and kiss before he leaves.”)
- DISCUSS WITH CHILD(REN) “YES, MAYBE AND NO PEOPLE.” Parents need to have this conversation with their children: Who exactly are “Yes People:” those people who are absolutely safe for the child to allow into their PSZ (Personal Safe Zone- inside of 2 feet). “Maybe People” are those who may be trusted, but, if the child “gets the creeps,” or the child observes behavior that concerns him or her (unwanted touching, etc.), the child has permission to scream “No!” and run. If the “Maybe Person” is safe, he or she will understand when the parent later explains his or her child’s behavior. If the “Maybe Person” is dangerous, the child is till alive and at home to talk about it at your next session. “No People” are anyone the child does not know. The Golden Rule: Under no circumstances will you allow a Stranger to move inside your PSZ (”Protect Your Space”).
- TEACH AND ROLE PLAY THE FIGHTING ARTS (WINOLOGY): Work with your child a couple times a week on the basic fighting skills. Included in this panoply of skills are: Run without turning your back on the attacker/Run in a Zig Zag Pattern, using Barriers in the environment/Throw things at the Bad Guy’s feet/if grabbed, scream “Help, he is not my daddy!” and twist, turn, drop and grab at the attacker so he is delayed in the initial crime scene (an abductor’s greatest friend is speed. He needs to get in and get out before he is caught). Grab an object (your bike, your bed, a post, his legs and/or ankles), curl up and keep your head tucked in.
- SORRY. THERE IS SOOOO MUCH MORE, BUT WE ARE OUT OF SPACE: In a future blog posting I will discuss actual fighting skills and strategies. There, unfortunately is no more space here.