PARENTS – TEACH YOUR CHILD COUNTER-BULLYING STRATEGIES THAT REALLY WORK.
I rarely get an argument from anybody, not even so-called self defense for children experts, that bullying is one of the most common yet pernicious threats our children face, whether it be in the school environment or in their neighborhoods. Victims of consistent bullying suffer, in many cases, everlasting and relentless psychological damage. Ironically, bullies become victims of their own diseased world view. Over 43% of bullies are arrested for an assault-related crime by their 22nd birthday and nearly 30% are busted for four or more crimes by their 30th. Their victims are my only concern here, though, for the damage done to them runs deep and inexorable, and I believe that most catastrophic terrorism in our high schools, colleges and even workplaces in the last decade have been perpetrated by former and current victims of bully-violence (more in a future blog).
I BELIEVE parents (Safety Coaches) can teach their children the fundamental skills and strategies to escape and evade almost any threat offered by most (96 to 98%) of bullies. In this posting I will address skills a parent can inculcate in his or her children that will give the youngster the willingness and courage to destroy a bullies confidence and motivation for continuing the attack. In the next posting I will talk about the last resort fighting techniques I teach in my COMET-Kids (Combat Escape and Evasion Techniques for Kids/Parents) classes.
PART I: BULLY COUNTERMEASURES AND AVOIDANCE STRATEGIES.
1. Teach Your Child Self Confidence. Support and laud all behaviors your child displays that reinforce self- confidence. Self Confidence is your child’s First Line of Defense against bullies and other types of attacks, even from adult sexual predators and abductors. Encourage your child to fend for him or herself and/or act on his own in public (non-threatening) situations, so he or she can begin Acts Of Approximation of self-confidence. Remember: Neither bullies nor abductors want any part of a self-confident and vocal child. I have dealt with and interviewed thousands of strong-arm robbers, gang members, rapists and predators and invariably they are looking for a specific Victim Profile where the target:
Ø Looks Down or Averts his/her eyes.
Ø Is mild mannered, meek, and non-combative, revealed by “weak” body language.
Ø Is mostly silent or exhibits vocal dysfunctions, such as stammering, stuttering or a voice that is unclear and/or hardly audible.
Ø Exhibits “cowardly” hand gestures/easy to hit.
2. Teach Your Child To Breathe To Overcome the Devastating Affects Of Fear. Nine out of 10 victims of intimidation or assaults, Freeze immediately, and exacerbate that by holding their breath. This combination destroys both a young person’s ability and willingness to verbalize and/or escape and evade the threat. During Attack Scenarios at Home, execute various degrees of bullying, including the continuum that goes from disrespect to teasing, to testing, to threats and intimidation all the way to criminal assault. Teach your child to audibly expel breath and breathe rhythmically during the scenario.
3. Teach Your Child How To Mimic Courage. No joke. By breathing tactically and Positive Self Talks (a later posting), your youngster can begin the positive adrenal process that can actually make him stronger by 2 ½ Times.
4. Teach Your Child Positive Eye Contact: Stun the bully early in his approach by looking him either directly in the eyes or indirectly. Good eye contact can breach the confidence of a potential attacker. It also helps in mimicking courage.
5. Teach Your Child Strong Verbal Skills: Eighty percent of assaults are preceded by verbal threats and/or intimidation. It is part of the “toying and testing” strategies of a miscreant seeking the thrill and power of seeing (abject) fear in his victim. Ironically, most verbal (bully) strategies can be stopped dead in their tracks by your child’s verbal countermeasures.
Ø “John, I’m going to ask you to stop harassing me (combined with hands raised chest-high, palms down in a non-threatening posture).”
Ø “John, I’m telling you to stop pushing me, man.” (Hands up, palms turning toward the bully. Self Protective and prepared).
Ø “Step back, John. Do it now!” The intended-target senses that verbal strategies are not working. The bully is giving off body language that indicates an attack. The target’s instincts are also sending “Fight Senses.”
Ø The Target Child can adopt good de-escalation skills to defuse and discourage the bully. Self-deprecating phrases (Peace Phrases) can strip the bully’s words of any impact. Without Impact and Fear on the Target-Child, the Bully is stripped of his motivation for an attack (fear and power) and concomitantly, his words, the goal of which is intimidation and fear, are stripped of all power and impact:
· “I guess you are right, John. I am a dork. You gotta admit, though, man. I’m pretty good at it, huh?”
· (Distraction) “Man, where you get those kicks? They are pretty cool (when he looks down, you “Open The Door” with a quick balance displacement technique (See the next Blog) and escape and evade the threat.
· Humor.
Ø Target should take a quick step back and adopt a High Guard Fighting Stance when an attack is imminent. Footwork is crucial, so, if possible, the target should keep distance and keep moving diagonally (Do not, I repeat, Do Not, move straight back in a direct line! It is easy to trip over one’s own feet, plus, the child (Target) is much slower moving that way and he or she is easily overtaken by the attacker, and, more likely than not, the kid trying to move straight back will easily be knocked to the ground because he or she will be off-balance.
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In the next posting: COMET-Kids Counter-Bully Self Defense Strategies.
Harry Hammer