WHY PEOPLE ATTACK PEOPLE.
MY ORIGINAL TITLE for this posting was something like “When Predators Attack,” and what you are about to read does apply to predators, but from time our actions can influence ordinary people - humans like you and me - to become aggressive and sometimes even attack violently. I have also learned that our words and actions can often delay or even completely eliminate the possibility of an attack, which, of course, is why I am writing this.
Under The Influence
According to George Thompson, founder of Verbal Judo, Inc., it is axiomatic that the person you are dealing with is under the influence of elements and conditions you may or may not be aware of. These conditions create a condition of temporary mental in-balance, that, if I wished to deescalate that person, I really needed to take into consideration. My philosophy was that I needed to think and act for that person as if it were 12-hours in the future and that person was no longer under the influence of:
- Humiliation (Humiliation is the only one of these influences that cross every single culture).
- Embarrassment
- Shame.
- Guilt.
- Hatred of Authority.
- Misinformation.
- Drugs and/or alcohol.
- Rage.
- Anger.
- Fear.
- Cultural Insensitivity.
- Racism.
- Ignorance.
- Pain.
- Suicidal ideation.
- Disrespect ( A Trigger For Many People from many variegated cultures)
- Peer Pressure.
- The Audience.
There are many more influences, but in this limited posting, I need to move on. The important thing about the other person being under the influence is what may trigger an attack in one person (who is brain damaged and takes your neutral words and interprets them as racist or humiliating, for example) may have no impact on another person, or vice versa. Understanding this should influence you to treat others with respect (we need to show respect whether we feel respect or not), to empathize, and to keep our body language non-threatening.
JACA
Gavin DeBecker proposed in his seminal work The Gift Of Fear that the factors within this acronym spelled out the reason most people attack other people. My experience bears this out. When I teach my Advanced De-Escalation Techniques course I use JACA as a paradigm for not only learning why others might attack us, but as a model on how to prevent being attacked.
Justification.
Alternatives.
Consequences, and
Ability.
Briefly put, DeBecker proposed that a person needed one or all of the above conditions to attack. The more of the conditions that exist is any situation, the more the chance of an attack. So it goes that, if you really piss someone off by humiliating him in front of an audience, from whom he hopes to maintain a semblance of respect, you have presented that individual with massive justification to open up a can of Whup Ass on you.
Add to that the fact that the temporarily brain damaged person perceives that he has no options or alternatives to a violent attack, and I guarantee aggression is what is coming. Unless, of course, the person perceives that the consequences for an assault would be greater than the rush he would get from kicking you ass. For many people, the fear of the consequences will delay or stop an immediate assault. However, my thought is that once a person feels he is justified and he has exhausted all alternatives to violence, any fears of consequences dissolve, especially if the final factor exists. Ability.
If the temporarily brain damaged stranger, co-worker, student, patient, supervisor, or whoever has been triggered by the sense of justification, the exhaustion of all pro-social alternatives to violence, has begun to disregard the consequences of an assault, the only thing that can stop him is the perception that he does not have the ability to successfully carry out this attack! Of course, this is why I think it is important to have at least a fundamental set of skills or abilities that you can attain through one of my Violent Patient Management, Disruptive Student Management, Sexual Harassment Assault and Rape Prevention programs.
THE 3 P’S
The great Tony Blauer, of SPEAR System fame, offers that all attacks have the Three P’s in common: All attacks occur in the Present, they are all Passionate, and, when it comes down to it, they are all Personal. “Tell me something I don’t know,” you might be muttering as you read that, but it does have significance relative to understanding how to deter or delay any kind of physical attack.
WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM THE 3-P’S AND JACA
- Be Nice. De-escalating a Bad Guy, I always say, is an unnatural act. The more angry you feel, the nicer you must become. The other person may be trying to trigger you into justifying an assault. Especially in front of an audience, Refuse To Justify.
- Give Good Alternatives To Violence: All people like to be in control of their own fate. Nine out of 10 aggressive people will become cooperative if you explain to them what it is you wish them to do, ask instead of demand, and if you give them viable alternatives. That is a fact.
- Remind the person about the consequences of violence.
- Make the person believe you have the ability to ward off any attack. How do you do that?
- Mirror Calm.
- Mirror Confidence.
- Control Your Personal Space.
- Establish Command Presence (more on how you can create and establish Command Presence and garner the other person’s respect by how you deport yourself in a future Blog).
- Redirect the person’s anger “out of the present.”
- Use the “Rule Of Minus-One” to reduce tension. Often, by simply talking slower, using “softer” terms, and lowering the intensity of your (body language and spoken language) presence at least one degree below that of the other person/environment, etc., you can reverse the aggression in the environment. Another element of “Minus-1″ is that you allow time to elapse, also a huge reductive factor.
- Professional Over Personal Face. Do not take verbal attacks personally. Hard to do, but, believe me, necessary. If you are an authority figure, deflect the verbal arrows, take a deep breath and follow-up only with professional language and actions.
By Hammer