STALKER BE GONE
WHEN it comes to stopping a stalker, making him or her gone, it is best to cut your losses and make the stalker disappear out of your life at the earliest possible moment following the realization that you are dealing with one in the first place. You might be thinking easier said than done, but, hell, Dog, it doesn’t seem to me you have any choice, unless, that is, you feel like being harassed and eventually vandalized, assaulted, maybe even killed. No brainer, far as I’m concerned, If you agree, read on:
First of all, some pithy and prophetic axioms of stalking:
· Men who can’t let go chose women who can’t say no.
· The nicer the rejection, the more the stalker will interpret it as affection.
· The best way to stop contact with a stalker is to stop contact with a stalker.
Secondly, how about a few Stalker Danger Signs:
· Stalker will research his/her victim early. An example of this might be the stalker asking others at a party questions about the eventual victim.
· Stalker is overly invested. An example of this might be meeting a man or woman and the same night receiving three or four messages from him/her.
· Refusal to accept “no.” The stalker will negotiate and argue when his/her victim says he or she is not interested.
· Hyper-Attentiveness.
· Early on the victim feels uncomfortable about the stalker and his/her actions, mind set, etc.
· Early on, stalker offers unsolicited help. Tries to get self invested in victim’s life.
· Stalker projects emotions, feelings, actions ON TO THE VICTIM that are not present.
· Stalker romances victim at a mind-numbing whirlwind pace.
· Stalker monitors victim’s activities, whereabouts, etc.
· Hyper-Jealousy.
· Isolates victim from family and friends.
· Refusal to hear “no!”
SUGGESTIONS FOR STOPPING THE STALKER:
1. Contact police or trusted authority figure ASAP.
2. MAKE REJECTION FINAL!
3. Make it clear that you are breaking it off because of his/her actions, not because of another suitor/you just want to be friends because you are not ready/whatever. Again: You do not want to see the stalker because of his or her actions!
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Hammer Note: Maybe a little insight into the way a stalker thinks will help here: If you say, “I’m sorry, Betty/Bruce, but I don’t think we should see each other any more. I met a man/woman at work and we just fell in love. I didn’t want it to happen, but it did—“ Trust me, the stalker will immediately think: Ok. Fine. All I have to do is make this new guy simply disappear and she will be mine, all mine! Again. It has to be cold and it has to be final!
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4. If the above 3 tactics fail, make it tougher for the stalker to contact you, to track you. Change your phone numbers. Leave work at different times. Change your patterns.
5. After you break it off, and he calls – and, believe me, he or she will call – do not answer his calls and do not return his or her messages, no matter how many times he or she calls. If, after the 300th phone call, you finally pick up the phone and say “Gees, Chuck, how many times I have to tell you not to call me any more?” the only thing that will register is that you answered his/her call. The stalker will not hear the secondary rejection. He now knows your initial rejection was insincere, and, also, it will take 300 phone calls to get through to you.
6. Document everything and work with police.
WHAT ABOUT A PFA OR A RESTRAINING ORDER. For the serious stalker who has made a very large personal and emotional investment in you, he or she is hooked, addicted to you. Sadly, this route will probably not work. As a matter of fact, this kind of control freak can become seriously deadly when his or her victim obtains a PFA or Restraining Order.
What About Asking A Friend To Confront the Stalker. Have Him or Her Warn Him To Stop? The idiotic, brain-damaged stalker wil interpret this action as a sign that his girlfiend is conflicted; otherwise, he will think, she qwould have told me herself. And the police cannot intervene at this point either because he has broken no laws.
Until Next time, Stay Safe.
Hammer