ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

September 26, 2009

BEDROOM SURPRISE

Ever ask yourself what would I do if ever I was attacked while I was asleep? I get the question a lot at my Survival Skills for Women classes. I get a lot of questions about darn near every conceivable type of attack under every situation possible, and some that are not possible. I’ll get to some of those other questions in future posts, but, for now, I thought I’d wax on about what you might if ever you were attacked in bed.

Once again, I’m going to ask you to rely on a cluster of dependable and effective principles rather than specific techniques that you would have to dredge up from your subconscious while some creep is pinning you down and your heart rate is spiking through the roof as the result of survival stress.

These Principles are simple and there aren’t too many of them. They are the same for just about any type of attack, including the bedroom assault.

v Breathe Tactically. Most victims in this situation hold their breath and say nothing, which to the attacker is like an engraved invitation to have fun, do whatever you wish to me.

v Do Something. Never Freeze.

v Say Something. Freezing and staying mute in the face of a life and death attack empowers the villain and disempowers you! “Get back!”

v Hit An Open Target. It’s damned near Natural Law. At least one of the 3 or 4 vital targets will be open. Hit it hard and others will pop open.

v USE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE. TURN HIS EXPECTATION AGAINST HIM!

Hold the phone. You say, “well, that’s all fine and dandy, but, you see, I will almost always be under my sheet and blanket. It is likely that I will not be able to use my hands.

Good point. Here’s another point: If you are unable to use your personal weapons now, understand that at some point in this ordeal, the Bad Guy must let down his defenses, which is exactly when you can and must strike!

If the attacker is there simply to pound you and nothing else, you are in serious doo-doo, if your arms are pinned (domestic violence), I admit that. But, in the scenario of a rapist who is attacking you in your bed, more likely than not, he will eventually pull down the covers in order to do what it is he came to do. When he pulls the sheets away, it is your time to deliver the Bedroom Surprise.

Ok, lets assume now the covers are off and your hands and feet are free.

ASSAULTS AND ESCAPES

v Bad Guy is standing at the side of your bed. You awake. Raise the leg on the side where the assailant is standing. This will prevent him – believe it or not – from climbing on top of you. Two things to consider here:

(1) None of his targets are available to you. They may be open, but there is no way you can hit them.

(2) However, in order to harm you, he must get closer to you. If and when he bends to choke you, his eyes are now within your reach. Quickly drive the closest hand into his eyes. If you hit them, he will recoil, I guarantee it. When he does that, either dive off the bed in the other direction, or, better yet, roll off toward him and knee him in the groin and keep hitting him until you can escape safely.

v Bad Guy is sitting on your chest and he has both your hands pinned above your head. You might say to yourself, I am truly screwed here. Cannot blame you one iota because this is a very hard attack to escape, especially when you lack upper body strength. A good thing to remember is the Bad Guy expects you to try to escape by pushing him off of you. It is important that you use the element of surprise here, though.

(1) Bend both your legs bringing them right up close so that your thighs are against his buttocks, making sure to keep both heels flat on the deck. The crucial move is to distract the attacker by biting him or kicking him and then jerking your hands quickly so that both hands are now even with your shoulders.

(2) Either Pretend to give up, or throw him off.

NOTE: Think about this. Both of the Bad Guy’s hands are tied up, as are yours. This is a stand-off. Women have escaped this situation by crying and saying “I give up,” at which time the attacker loosened his grip and reached to unzip his fly. It is at that very second that he is most off-balance and thrusting him off of you is most easily accomplished).

(3) To throw him off, simultaneously power both arms down toward your sides and thrust your hips/buttocks straight up and then roll so that your navel or belt buckle is driven directly into the ground.

v BAD GUY SITS ON YOUR CHEST, PINNING BOTH ARMS WITH INSIDE OF KNEES. The Bad Guy may try to force you into performing oral sex. This is actually a vulnerable situation the Bad Guy has placed himself in. Instantaneously raise your buttocks off the bed and anchor both heels to the inside of his shoulders. Now pull him backwards by driving your legs back.

Next: More Bedroom Escapes.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

September 25, 2009

WORKPLACE VIOLENCE: SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?

The question my last post left you with was: “So, despite your efforts to prevent being victimized, your co-worker or client is striding toward you, his face contorted in rage, his fists clenched, and he is about to invade your Personal Safety Zone (PSZ). What do you do?

At the risk of oversimplifying the situation, there are a few things I would do as quickly as possible. And, if I may add, I would do them decisively and, importantly without hesitation caused by thoughts and/or concerns regarding my company’s Zero Tolerance of Violence Protocol.

See, the thing is, the key difference between you and the person about to main or kill you (and I am still thinking of Ms. Lee, the Yale graduate student who was choked and beaten to death and stuffed inside a wall on her wedding day) is intent. The perpetrator’s sole thought and focus is on you. You are the target and nothing else on Earth exists. If your mind and focus shifts to anything but your attacker – even for a millisecond – you are toast.

Anywho, there are a few things I would do and do quickly:

v STUN THE HYPER-FOCUSED IDIOT. A great tactic is to take the attacker’s strengths and mindset and turn them against him/her. We know he is focused only on you, so break his focus. Think of it as Changing His/Her Channels. Any move that changes his focus from Channel 6, which he wants to be on, to another channel will slow him down, fragment his strategy, and split the crucial connection between his/her mind and body.

Ø Scream or Yell “Stop!” Sounds stupid, but this will work. It will only work one time, but it will startle him, maybe give you time to escape.

Ø Physically Distract Him/Her. This, too, will work. Has worked for me on several occasions. Throw an object toward him, toward his face – something like a hat, a pen, something.

Ø Verbally Distract Him or Her. “Holy crap, Andy, what the hell is that on your shirt?” said while backing up and pointing at his chest. Once again, it has the effect of changing his or her channel.

v CONTROL YOUR SPACE. Without crossing your feet (and tripping) J-Step or move diagonally or laterally away, denying the subject the ability to invade your safety zone. Let him know what you want him to do. Say something, and when you say it, mean business. “Stay Back!” The longer you can delay the attack the better your chances for survival.

v USE BARRICADES IN THE ENVIRONMENT. Hopefully, your mind will have the ability to think clearly. There should be furniture in your environment that you can use to separate you from the attacker. Increase your distance from the perpetrator. Maybe throw a chair or something else at his feet. Always keep moving.

v BREATHE DON’T FREEZE. We all need oxygenated blood flowing freely so our brains can analyze, evaluate. And formulate a survival strategy. Always breathe consciously to kick you into gear.

v USE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE AND DEFEND YOURSELF. I have discussed surprise strategies in so many past posts that I don’t think I will go into them here and now. Not only that, Tactics of Surprise cannot be taught in a blog. They must come from you depending on what you perceive the attacker least expects.

v EXECUTE THE PLAN YOU HAD DEVELOPED. The reason I say I know what I would do in this or that case is I know I would always have a Plan A and even a Plan B (failure plan)  in mind before any attack began, especially if I found myself in a situation where I felt an attack was a possibility.

Stay Safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

September 23, 2009

MANAGING WORKPLACE VIOLENCE

My last post – let’s face it – was basically me venting after the senseless murder of a Yale graduate student – a woman – in the supposedly high security lab environment of that esteemed university. The police have dubbed the murder as workplace violence, and, although I don’t completely agree, I posted a monograph on Woman and Workplace Violence (WPV). As I promised at the end of that post, let’s talk a bit about how to effectively deal – on a personal level – with people and events that seem to be cascading toward all –out violence on the job site.

FACTORS THAT PLACE WORKERS AT RISK FOR WPV.

v Contact with the public.

v Responsibilities include the exchange of money.

v The delivery of passengers, goods and/or service.

v Working alone or in small numbers.

v Working with volatile, unstable person(s), et al.

v Working late at night or in the early morning hours.

v Working in a high crime area.

v Guarding valuable properties, including drugs, etc.

v Delivery of home care services.

As you may have noticed, only two of those factors existed relative to the murder of Ms. Lee. She was working alone and she was working in the same location as what turned out to be a volatile, unstable person.

RECOGNIZING THOSE RED, RED FLAGS.

If at all possible, of course, work in the company of people whom you trust. More likely than not, if Ms. Lee had, the angry, emotionally disturbed and volatile person would have stewed in his own rage for a while and gone on his way, leaving Ms. Lee unharmed.

However, if you read my last post (Lust Or WPV?), you might be aware that homicide is the number one cause of death for women (in the workplace). You would also know that incidents of stalking, rape, sexual assault, and other types of violence are visited on women in alarmingly increasing numbers.

My point: Even if she would have gone to the Yale lab with one or two friends, the perpetrator likely would have attempted to stalk, trap and attack Ms. Lee when she was alone and vulnerable.

What then are some of the Red Flags, or Signatures of Danger, you can use to help you profile someone you want to either stay clear of, or, more likely, prepare a self defense plan against?

v A history of violence, stalking, etc. (The Perp in this case had this history).

v He/She has stalked or harassed another worker in the past.

v Some or Many of your co-workers communicate that they also feel uncomfortable around this person.

v The worker is almost always rigid, inflexible, intransigent in how he/she handles work and social-related issues.

v Displays signs of chronic sadness, hopelessness, depression.

v The worker often states his or her hopelessness.

v The worker identifies with past perpetrators of spectacular WPV.

v A Fascination with guns and other weapons.

v Reacts poorly to criticism.

v Projects blame onto others.

v Sees himself as being on a One-Man Crusade.

Ok, so you recognize several of these factors, plus, importantly, you and others feel terribly uncomfortable around the worker, plus, and now I refer to the Yale Incident, he strides toward you, his face contorted in rage, his fists clenched, and he is about to invade your PSZ (Personal Safety Zone).

What do you do?

Stay Tuned For the Next Post. Until Then, Stay Safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

September 22, 2009

LUST OR WORKPLACE VIOLENCE? PART I.

Been away again. Training and a nice vacation. As pleasurable as was my vacation, I sit here roiled to the max. While I was gone a sweet, loving and beautiful young Yale grad student was strangled to death inside a supposedly well-secured building (lab) by a lab technician employed by the highly-reputed university.

Lest I forget, there were several abductions/murders of children in the three weeks I was gone. I will address child safety strategies in future posts (as I have numerous times in the past), but I feel I need to run on a bit about the murder of Ms. Lee at Yale.

The authorities suggest that the death was entirely the result of Workplace Violence, is an isolated event, and there is no evidence that Lee’s murder had anything to do with lust, stalking, unrequited love, etc. My opinion differs with the authorities, but I will withhold expounding on this further until more facts are known.

WORKPLACE VIOLENCE AND WOMEN

Fact is, Lee was a young woman, one day removed from her wedding date, and she was alone in what I’m sure she thought was a safe environment. However, if you understand the dynamics underpinning WPV (Workplace Violence), you know that no one – especially a woman – is (totally) safe when they are in an isolated environment with a worker who matches the Profile of a WPV Perpetrator as the alleged killer did.

Here are some cogent facts about WPV, Women and the Profile of a WPV Perpetrator:

v Homicide is the leading cause of death for women in the workplace.

v In 1990 to 1992 there were over 13,000 victims of rape in our workplaces. Sounds like a lot of sexual violence in the WP, but the figure becomes even more alarming when you consider that well over 56% of WPV goes unreported!

v Between 1990 and 1999, over 1.7 million workers were victims of crimes of violence, and, I repeat, well over 56% of WPV goes unreported!

v Each year workers report over two million assaults @ year!

v 51,000 rapes and/or sexual assaults are reported @year.

v And over 10,000 are murdered! Homicide is easily the predominant cause of death in the workplace.

v One of the factors in Why Workers Become Victims (my research) reveals that a predominant reason behind becoming a victim is a

Failure to Recognize Danger Signs, and/or a lack of understanding of what to do if and when one does (recognize the signs).

CHARACTERISTICS OF WPV PERPETRATORS

v Perp has a history of violence, stalking, harassment (the alleged killer had many issues involving all three).

v Personal characteristics and psychological patterns of rigidity, inflexibility, sadness, chronic anger, depression. (Alleged killer possessed, I submit, almost all of these characteristics as suggested by the belief that he went ballistic because he perceived that Ms. Lee was mistreating her lab mice. Yeah, that’s normal).

v Identification with other/former perpetrators of WPV.

v Perpetrator sees self as a Crusader For Justice! Once again, the alleged killer iced Ms. Lee because he perceived she was doing wrong to the mice. Indeed, the killer saw himself as a Protector! Saw himself as fighting a one-man war against in justice!

v The Perpetrator is Hyper-Focused. Monitors the comings and goings, the behavior of others, though it is not his job. He maintains a dossier on co-workers and has stalked one or more co-workers in the past (the killer had a history of this, I believe).

v The Perpetrator has a Stalker’s Personality. He will never let go of a person or issue until workplace superiors absolutely force him or her to (Hyper-Focused).

v HYPER-CONTACT: Even when fired, the perpetrator will still not let go. He will spend more time contacting and focusing on that worksite than on obtaining employment.

Part II. Threat Managing Techniques in the Workplace.

Until Then, Stay Safe.

Hammer

FOILING THAT EVIL MOTHER FUGGER, PART II SPINAL TUNING.

Axiomatic it is that 95 to 98% of successful self defense for women is mental preparation. The key is, of course, not to find yourself in a situation where you must fight for your life (this goes for men and children, also). So, how can you go about preparing yourself mentally? And, if you are able to achieve the Psyche of Survival, or, as I like to call it – Mental Conditioning – how do you prepare yourself physically?

Allow me to answer my second question first. Once you achieve true Mental Conditioning, you concomitantly achieve Physical Readiness through a phenomenon experts call Spinal Tuning. Spinal Tuning is the result of the crucial nexus between the mind and the body. They are inseparable.

Preparing yourself mentally comes down to establishing the appropriate state of mind. I like using colors in my trainings to describe the potential victim’s states of mind in various situations. For instance:

• THE WHITE STATE OF MIND is a total tactically lack of awareness. This is the correct state of mind when one is in the safety of one’s home, perhaps playing with his or her children, watching television, etc.
• THE YELLOW STATE OF MIND is a state of 180 degree awareness. Simply put, in this state one is aware of who and what surrounds him or her. It is a relaxed state of awareness. In the case of a woman at home in a White State of Mind playing with her children, she must transition to the Yellow State when the doorbell rings, even though she may have ordered pizza to be delivered. A woman in Yellow is in a relaxed state of surveillance, so she peeks through the window before answering the door and verbally asks the deliveryman to identify himself. Concomitant with being mentally alert is the message sent by the Neo Cortex through the spine to the body’s motor functions.
• THE ORANGE STATE OF MIND is a state of specific alertness. In Yellow, a woman noticed something or someone that may threaten her safety. She now transitions to an Orange State of Mind where her Neo Cortex (Intelligent Brain) analyzes and evaluates the potential threat and then formulates a counter-strategy. Our potential victim now has a specific plan that, if required, can be downloaded to the body to carry out a physical action. I probably should note that the Evil Mother Fugger is always in an Orange State of Mind when he is on the stalk.
• THE RED STATE OF MIND is the required state of mind for action. Whatever the woman noted in Orange that could go wrong has gone down! The mind and body is pre-armed for action, even if it simply getting the hell out of there, and the woman is able to act.
• THE BLACK STATE OF MIND/THE CATASTROPHE THEORY! What has happened here is that the woman who answered her door in a White State of Mind never transitioned into Yellow. She has allowed herself to be the Perfect Victim that every sexual predator is searching for. In White, the victim assumes the visitor is exactly that – a friendly visitor. In the great majority of occurrences, she is right. Over 99% of the people who come to her door are friendly. So, over time, she has conditioned herself to expect passivity from those who approach her. When, however, a woman/person in White is surprised by a sudden, spontaneous and close quarter attack, the Neo Cortex shuts down and the Primitive Brain takes over. The mind desperately attempts to go to the Red State of Mind, but it cannot. It over shoots Yellow; it bypasses Orange and it fires right by Red and goes ricocheting through space until it vanishes inside a veritable Black Hole!
• THE CATASTROPHE. When your mind fails to hit Red, it goes figuratively to Black. What that means to a woman who has been grabbed by a stranger at her front door is that the mind and body shut down, or black out. Experts know this as the Catastrophe Theory, which translates in reality to the woman:

Ø Freezing In Place. Paralyzed.

Ø Unable To Speak (and warn her children who are in the house).

Ø Executing A Victim’s Physical Countermeasure. Freeze in place; begs for mercy; screams like a victim; runs aimlessly; unable to think of escape routes or a fighting strategy. When she does strike, she slaps without aim, intent, or power!  Worse, after a few seconds, she gives up and allows the evil mother fugger to do with her what he wishes.

Ø In other words, the Catastrophe Theory means the “bottom falls out!

So, stay in yellow when appropriate. Stay out of White.

Until next time, Stay Safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

August 31, 2009

FOILING THE EVIL MOTHER FUGGER

It’s been a while since I last posted here, but I’ve been gone. Training out West. And, before I head off to Chicago, Cape May and Ocean City, Maryland, I thought I’d get me a couple posts in, if for no other reason than to keep myself in The Game.

I remember correctly, in my last post I went on a rant against Evil Mother Fuggers because I was in a rage over some Chicken Hawk marking, stalking, and putting an innocent young girl in the bottom of one of our lakes in the Poconos.

These miscreants dedicate and commit countless hours plotting ways to get these young boys and girls and women into their clutches. So, it makes almost too much sense for me to ask you to spend at least a few minutes a day charting out a safety plan for you and your children to help you make it to and from work and school each day. Make it back to your loving families.

If you are the parents of small children and teenagers, I ask, like I have so many times before, you to take the role of your child’s Safety Coach. Talk with him or her regularly and open up a precious dialog to give him/her an avenue to tell you of any situation where an adult has made inappropriate advances of inquiries. Also, give him/her some common sense rules of thumb about whom he/she should trust (only the rare Gold People, like his/her parents and closest, most trustworthy relatives) and some strategies to use to repel those who they shouldn’t trust.

If you are a woman, I ask that you begin thinking and planning ahead. Have a Plan A and a Failure Plan (Plan B) in your mind when you go out, or, for that matter, for when you are at home and someone comes to your door,

Of course, I Am talking in generalities in the limited time and space a blog allows me. If you E-Mail me at harrywigder@rcn.com, I will send you my E Book on Survival Strategies for Women as well as my E Book CAT – Counter Abduction Strategies for Children.

But, in the meantime, here are a few Counter Abduction Techniques/Strategies For Children (in the next post, I will point out a few Counter-Abduction Strategies for Women) that you might consider adopting for your children:

• SUPERVISE YOUR PRECIOUS GIFTS (THE CHILDREN) WHENEVER PRACTICABLE. Countless children have been abducted from inside their homes with the parents in another room or from their front yards with their parents less than 10 yards away.
• SAFETY COACHES SHOULD TEACH THEIR CHILDREN TO MAKE NOISE WHENEVER APPROACHED BY ANYONE NOT ON THEIR “GOLD (NOT TOTALLY TRUSTWORTHY) LIST!” Predators purposely “mark”silent and “good” children as prey. They will almost always avoid noisy and “crazy” kids. Kids who scream out, move around point fingers at them, shout out “Help! This guy is not my daddy!” On the other hand, “good and polite” kids are ideal victims because they usually “freeze.” Stand in one place and say nothing defiant and let themselves be carried off!
• SAFETY COACHES CAN TEACH THEIR CHILD NOT TO ALLOW THEMSELVES TO BE TOUCHED. Teach your child to be wary of anyone who touches them on any part of their person without their permission, even a relative, or a teacher, priest or rabbi. Teach the child that, if possible, get away from that person as quickly as possible, especially if that person touches them on any part of their body that would be normally covered by a bathing suit.
• SAFETY COACH CAN TEACH THEIR CHILD TO TRUST THEIR GUT FEELINGS! Ask any child who has been approached and/or grabbed by an adult and I bet that each and every one of them will tell you that they felt a weird sensation just before. Many of them don’t quite understand what is going on, but it usually means the adult is giving the kid The Creeps. Some Safety Coaches have used the kitchen smoke detector as a great teaching point, explaining that The Creeps is their Smoke Alarm and it is their gut instincts warning them that something is about to go terribly wrong unless they disengage from the area PDQ!
• NEVER, EVER LEAVE THE INITIAL CRIME SCENE WITH THE ADULT, TEENAGER OR OTHER CHILD! I AM NOT CONTRADICTING MYSELF. Once your child gets The Creeps about another person who might cause them harm, he or she should get out of Dodge quickly. In doing so, the child should obey some pretty simple rules:

1) If the adult is real close, walk quickly or run, but without turning your back on the adult (Predator Prey Principle).

2) If the adult is close by, move in a serpentine, or zig zag, pattern.

3) Use barricades in the environment to separate you from the adult.

4) Instead of hiding nearby where you can get captured, run toward any “safe” adult – preferably a woman with children.

5) Make plenty of noise.

6) BUT, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, SHOULD THE CHILD LEAVE THE ORIGINAL AREA WITH THE ADULT!

Ø As hard as it might be for the child to do so, teach him/her to stay in the initial crime scene. Injured or not, he will be found there,

Ø But without a doubt, if he or she leaves with the predator, he or she will not be found!

7) THE KEY TO ESCAPING IS TO DELAY THE AMOUNT OF TIME THE PREDATOR MUST SPEND AT THE ORIGINAL CRIME SCENE TO GET YOUR CHILD INTO HIS CAR.

Ø This is where the Drop/Lock and Roll Technique I teach is used by the child to extend the predator’s stay in the crime scene.

Ø The crucial strategy for the abductor is to get the child whisked away quickly!

Until the next post, Stay Safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

August 15, 2009

DEADLY SERIOUS MOTHER FUGGERS

You might or might not know by now that I’ve dedicated my professional life to emulsifying all predators who prey on women and children. Mayhap emulsifying is too esoteric and dramatic a term, but it reads a lot better than ridding the world of or vexing. You be the judge,

Point is, there are those worthless miscreants out there, maybe .less than 1% of the population, who dedicate their existence to marking, stalking, attacking, raping, assaulting, and, if it pleases them, torturing and killing our most vulnerable, our most beautiful among us.

Let’s get together and emulsify these Deadly Serious Mother Fuggers . We can start by understanding that they spend hours a day, while you and I are working and figuring out how to make a safe and secure life for our families, planning and scheming how to distract and seduce their selected prey.  To get them under their control.

DEADLY SERIOUS PLOYS

• Taking advantage of personality characteristics. In way too many cases, predators have used the kindness of women against them. Without a doubt, if children and women offered a cold stare instead of a smile and an open heart, many predators would be out of luck.
• Getting Women out of their Home, Car, Wherever. Some of the ingenious ploys these evil miscreants use to influence women and children into their clutches include:

Ø “MY BABY IS TURNING BLUE!” Panic-stricken men have approached women and stammered that “my baby is in my car and he is dying, turning blue, please help oh my God, please help!” The victim doesn’t have to even approach the car, by the way, just begin to walk with the guy out of a high-witness area and be caught distracted, off-balance.

Ø “MAM, YOU DROPPED THIS.” A woman has entered her car after shopping and walking through a parking lot. Suddenly a “concerned-looking” man rushes over to her waving a $5 or $10 bill. He claims she dropped the bill. Many women will roll the window down at that point without even thinking, at which point the man forces his way into her car, or, in some cases, pulls her out of the car and into his. A key defense is to know your money is secure and be aware of what you have at all points, so you don’t fall for the ploy. Another thought is that your life is worth a lot more than $10. Once in your car, lock it up, seal the windows and go!

Ø CRYING BABY ON YOUR PORCH OR OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR. This heartless ploy plays heavily on a woman’s maternal instincts, just like the “Baby Turning Blue” ruse. This ruse involves a recording of a crying baby and a predator lying in wait for you to open the door. If you open the door, the Bad Guy will explode into your house or drag you out of it!

Ø POST-IT STICKUM NOTE ON YOUR BACK WINDOW. Plays on a woman’s curiosity and concern. When she begins to back out of her spot she will notice the note, and, more often than not, will get out of her car to read it. Bingo! Always remember to get in the car and just go! You can always read the note from a safe public spot.

Ø FIRST IN/FIRST OUT. I have posted about this many times before, but it is worth mentioning once more. Predators prefer to attack when their chosen victim is most distracted. And there are few instances when a child or woman is more distracted than when she or he is first going in or coming out of a house, automobile, or, for that matter, any kind of structure or edifice.

Next Post: Things you can do to foil the Deadly Serious Mother Fuggers of the world. Until then—

Stay Safe.

Hammer

THIS will work for teachers but will likely be even more effective for school resource officers and workplace security officers. The Five Step Hard Style is central to the impressive Verbal Judo subject-control curriculum and is ingeniously engineered to influence 99% of Difficult People to do what you want him or her to do in such a way and in such a manner that the disturbed Person/Student believes that it is his or her idea in the first place.

The Five Step is designed to generate voluntary compliance – as opposed to expecting compliance from workers, students and others based simply upon one’s position of authority. It is custom made to work positively against the negative center of a disruptive or difficult person/student.

THE FIVE STEP

STEP 1. ASK INSTEAD OF COMMAND. I believe it is axiomatic that difficult students/people are psychologically, physically, and philosophically incapable of doing what they are told to do. Period. End of equation. However, research shows that 96% of difficult people will do what they are asked the first time they are asked.  Think of how you feel and how you often react when you are told tersely to do something and do it now.

STEP 2. SET CONTEXT. EXPLAIN. Often, you and other authority figures probably don’t feel it necessary to explain to a (subordinate) subject why you are commanding him or her to do something. Think of this for a second. Why? Is the central question in a democracy, and democracy was won the hard way a couple centuries ago by Difficult People who refused to do what they were told. Studies and empirical evidence proves that when asked to do something, and when asking fails, explains why, Difficult People will voluntarily comply 97% of the time.

STEP 3. GIVE THE DIFFICULT PERSON OPTIONS. Every Difficult Person needs to perceive he or she has a say, one way or the other, in what happens to him/her. 98-99% of Difficult People will comply when asked to do something, when the reason for the “request” is explained, and, finally, when the authority figure (teacher, parent, security) allows the perception that he or she has a choice. I always try to say something like, “Sir, you have some good options here. You can (one or two good options), or you can continue to rant and rave and you will give us no choice but to restrain you and escort you to lock-up. Dude, think about it. Do you really need that kind of problems today? It’s up to you—“ In the end, it’s always up to the disruptive person, or, at leasxt that’s the perception I wish to generate.

STEP 4. CONFIRM. The objective of Step 4 is to confirm for the record that the person/student does not intend to comply. When you confirm for the record you are laying the foundation for any physical action you might be forced to use to attain control over the disruptive student/person.

“Jon, is there anything I can do or say to get you to go along with the program today? I sure hope so.”

You got to admit, the Confirmation Statement is both convincing and compelling. I have seen hardened gang- bangers drop their Tough Guy Act and actually comply, so stunned were they at an officer’s cool Confirmation.

But, in the case of the remaining 1%, there is always Step 5.

STEP 5. TAKE ACTION. One of the primary reason the 5-Step Hard Style works so well, if you ask me, is that each independent and linear step is increasingly mind-numbing to the Difficult Person. Why? Most disruptive people/students – when they are in the midst of perpetrating mischief and mayhem, never, or maybe rarely expect the authority figure (teacher or officer)to be reasonable, respectful and/or nice! And make no mistake about it, defusing a disruptive student is all about Being Nice!

But another reason the 5-Step works is the relentless truth that, at the end of the day, limits that have been set, options that have been given, and consequences that have been alluded to, must be enforced. So, after you ask the Confirmation Question and the doofus refuses to comply, you must take whatever action protocol or common sense calls for.

And, if you are cringing because you detest using force, or, more likely, are concerned that the school district or work place will question your use of force and/or why you felt compelled to use it, let me do my best to put those worries to rest. The Five Step will give any teacher or security officer the most crucial element of any legal defense or questioning regarding his or her use of force.

PRECLUSION. Which, simply put, means you can show, beyond a reasonable doubt, or at the very least, by a preponderance of the evidence that you did everything within your ability and power to preclude the use of force. You asked him/her nicely; you explained to the student why; you explained to the student what options he/she had (and the consequences for not choosing the compliant alternatives); and you confirmed nicely that he did not intend to comply.

Until Next Time, Stay Safe.

Hammer

COLORADO SERGEANT KILLED RESPONDING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CALL.

Part II of my series on Stalking and Domestic Violence is due today.  Thought I might chat with you about some of the danger signs, but a story from one of my police sources takes precedence.

A total of 6 police officers were shot at, 3 hit, and one killed on July 27, 2009 responding to a Domestic Violence alert in Montrose, Colorado.

All I have on the story so far is while several of the officers were speaking with the alleged victim on her doorstep, her estranged husband, who allegedly had attacked her earlier that day, shot the officers from a hiding place in his garage, wounding 5 and killing one.

The husband was also killed in an exchange of fire with the officers.

As I noted in my last post, Domestic Violence, especially when connected to Stalking by a jilted intimate, is easily the most dangerous situation a police officer must respond to.

Please, if you have been involved in a relationship marked by manic and emotional ups and downs, especially if your intimate is trying to control and dominate you through threats and/or violence; or, if you are attempting to separate from such a lover and he/she insists on:

• Following you, or spying on you
• Making unsolicited phone calls.
• Standing outside your home, school, or workplace.
• Showing up at places you were, even though he or she had no business being there.
• Leaving unwanted items for you to find.
• Trying to communicate in other ways against your will.
• Leaving notes.
• Intervening on any relationship you try to establish.
• Sending you unsolicited letters or written correspondence.
• Vandalizing your property or destroyed something you love.
• Attempting to and/or succeeding in controlling and/or dominating you through threats and/or actis of violence.
• Frightening you consistently by his or her behavior.

Report this to police.  Speak to a trusted friend, and/or seek intervention through one or more of your community agencies designated to protect you against stalking and violence related activities (Eg:  Victim Advocacy Program as well as Police and Prosecution-Based Victim Services).

Until Next Time, Stay Safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

July 27, 2009

ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND STALKING

Don’t know if you’ve caught the myriad accounts – in the papers, on TV and radio –  but there’s been an alarming rise in police officers, women, men and even children  killed and maimed as a result of stalking and domestic violence.  I even get personal accounts from law enforcement officers and citizens whom I train in my instructor programs, Management of Workplace Violence courses and Self Defense for Women programs to the point where I am convinced that I need to focus this and the next few posts on  the issues surrounding Domestic Violence, Stalking, and Violence Against Women and Children.

ON STALKING

LEGAL DEFINITIONS vary widely from state to state.  Most states, however, define stalking as the willful, malicious and repeated following and harassing of another person.  Stalking related activities include as lying in wait; surveillance; non-consensual communications; telephone harassment and vandalism.  Most states require at least two or more of acts of the above nature before the actions can be considered harassment.  The action(s) also need to constitute at least an implied/inferred threat. 

AS FAR AS I am concerned, the key is that the victim understands the danger of stalking if it is allowed to continue unchecked.  Domestic Violence is directly connected to stalking and both occur in a continuum that ranges from emotional abuse at one end to homicide on the other.   And the escalation of violence along this catastrophic continuum often follows a predictable pattern.  My goal here is to formulate responses and countermeasures to break what I see as a cycle of violence.

STALKING AND VIOLENCE BY AN INTIMATE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, as you probably are aware, is all about control, power and domination.  For this reason, when a woman leaves her abuser, he often stalks her in an effort to regain control over her.  Sadly, this control is effected through increasing physical violence.  Thus, when a woman leaves her abusing husband/boyfriend, it is an extremely dangerous time for her (and her children and anyone else who happens to care for her, or attempt to protect her, establish a relationship with her).

STALKING – make no mistake – is an act that terrorizes its victims.  Stalking creates a psychological prison that deprives its victim(s) of basic liberty of movement and security in their homes.  Moreover, stalking is a crime that often occurs in a domestic violence context, and, unfortunately, follows a traceable pattern that, if left unreported and unchecked by the victim, will often (in my experience it will almost always increase in intensity and violence exponentially, but I am being conservative in this post) increase in intensity and violence and all too often end in the death of the woman, plus anyone unfortunate enough to be around her at the moment!

As a matter of fact, just in the past few weeks an emotionally distraught ex-husband stalked and killed his wife, his children, his wife’s boyfriend, and several of his wife’s friends and relatives across three states!

Next Post:  More on Stalking and Domestic Violence, including intervention programs, stalking countermeasures, and self defense suggestions.

Until then, Stay Safe.

Hammer