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LOAD “SURPRISE” INTO YOUR SELF DEFENSE GAME PLAN, PART I.

This post was originally supposed to be for parents who wish to teach their children skills to stop the bully in his or her tracks. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the following self defense tactics and skills will work for anyone who might be required to defend her or himself against anyone who has arrogantly invaded his or her personal space and is posturing as if he or she is about to attack.

When we talk self defense, the element of surprise is essential. Remember, we are not talking about a competitive contest in a dojo or an arena overseen by a referee or a master instructor. What we are talking about is a spontaneous, close quarter life and death struggle in an environment usually selected by the attacker, who is a pernicious predator who has painstakingly planned out the assault. Likely, your attacker(s) has the following advantages:

v He/she is bigger and stronger.

v He/she has a distinct plan.

v He/she is armed with one or more (deadly) weapons.

v He/she has you *outnumbered (*when the attacker has a plan and the victim does not, the victim is already outnumbered).

v The attacker will choose the time and space of his/her attack so that the lighting is subdued, there are no witnesses, and the victim has little or no ability to move (tactically).

v The predator will almost always(98%)precede his/her attack with a slick distraction designed to get the victim looking in another direction (than at him or her) so that his or her (the prospective victim’s) focus is fractured and his/her ability to defend him or herself (against the predator) is radically weakened.

v In other words, despite all the other advantages he/she already has, the bully, sexual predator, abductor, or violent criminal, still relies mostly on The Element of Surprise to overcome his or her victim!

My point, exactly. I have no reluctance and zero hesitation to say that Surprise (ALONG WITH SPEED) is going to be your key, irrespective of your age, size, or gender to successfully defending yourself against anybody who threatens your safety, maybe even your life. Ergo in two subsequent posts, we’re going to discuss how to manifest this great element in your self defense arsenal. Used properly and with great commitment, surprise will reverse the predator-prey principle and set the bad guy back on his (or, her) heels!

SURPRISE AND SPEED KILLS!

So, what do I mean by surprise? Maybe an example will help. Have you ever been walking in the woods, perhaps your mind is lost in thought about something or someone you care about, are troubled about, and, bam, with a rush of wings flapping and bushes bursting, a covey of pheasants, or a turkey, explodes from the brush around you? It has happened to me, and, let me tell you, your heart feels like it stops, you freeze, and you can hardly breathe. Or, you are coming through a door, once again, your mind on something far away, and, bam, someone else is standing in the doorway. Someone you didn’t expect to see. Once again, you stop breathing, your mouth falls agape, and you may even stumble backwards, off balance.

I have just described exactly what” surprise” does to a person who is unaware and who is suddenly and unexpectedly confronted by a predator.

In the next two posts, though, I will tell you exactly how to Reverse the Predator-Prey Syndrome and make the Bad Guy hold his breath and stumble backwards.

Until then, Stay Safe.

Hammer

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The theme here is that – as bad as things may look – it aint over ‘til it’s over. The bedroom attacker may make a mistake – many of them do – caused by overconfidence, or you might – if you keep your mind clear (not an easy thing to do) – find an opening that can set you free.

BEDROOM SURPRISE, PART II

September 27, 2009

In my last post I talked of a situation where the Bad Guy is sitting atop his victim’s chest, his knees painfully pinning her arms, then, apparently seizing the moment when she stops struggling, he pauses to unzip his trousers anticipating oral sex. When the attacker does this – and this is something I hope you remember – he is compromising his balance and is most vulnerable to any kind of rapid balance displacement move on your part.

Roll the Bad Guy off using the following steps:

1) TRAP the foot on the side you intend to throw the attacker by placing your weakside foot on the outside of his foot (Posting or Trapping).

2) Slide your opposite foot inward until it is just below the attacker’s buttocks, Your thigh should be touching his rear end and the sole of that foot should be flat on the deck.

3) Reach up with the hand on the opposite side as the Bad Guy’s trapped foot and grab him by the shirt.

4) Simultaneously and powerfully as you can, drive your butt in the air (bridge) and push hard with the leg and foot that you had slid close to his buttocks (heel flat on the ground) in order to propel the Bad Guy off of you. At the same time, pull the hand that has hold of his shirt in the direction you wish him to roll.

5) Imagine that your butt is lifting up and driving your navel or belt buckle directly into the mattress.

6) Never give up. Use all your power. You can do it.

7) Once the attacker is off of you, strike him with whatever personal weapon (bite, gouge, knee him, kick him, drive the heel of your foot into his face) you have and get out of Dodge.

One note: As always, it is up to you if and how you do this. You can wait until he is distracted by un-zippering, or you can play into his plans by acting like you are giving up and will do what he wants. Women /girls have waited until the attacker actually had his member out and was starting to move it toward the victim’s mouth when they made their move. It was the last thing the Bad Guy expected!

Another escape I often teach features the attacker crawling up and attempting to get inside the woman’s legs. I actually advocate the woman spreading her legs – which is what the Bad Guy wants. Once he is inside and puts her in a choke hold, I teach women to latch onto both hands and not let go, while, simultaneously kicking the attacker in the ribs and back of the head with her legs and feet. I then teach the intended victim to “shrimp up” to gain distance from the attacker so she can drive both of her heels into his hips. Now, simultaneously hold onto the hands and drive the feet into the subject, and, then, while still holding onto his hands drive both feet hard into his face. Escape.

Stay safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

May 9, 2009

THE IRREPRESSIBLE WEB STRIKE

HEY, HAMMER FANS, here’s the counterstrike I recommend to anyone – be you elderly, a man, boy, woman or girl – facing a high-risk close quarter attack.  The Web Strike is a Deadly Force Counterstrike, meaning, if delivered successfully – and, frankly, I don’t know how it could not be delivered, not only successfully, but with devastating power, the results of the strike could be serious injury or possibly death to the attacker.

The Web Strike has so many positive attributes that it’s a wonder more people don’t know about it. 

• It is based on Gross Motor Skills, which work best under high stress situations.  In a close quarter, surprise attack, the potential victim’s heart rate will accelerate to well over 200 BPM.
• Gross Motor Skills are simple, doable for the least athletic and strong student in any of my Self Defense classes.
• The Web Strike requires no significant power.  The target is the Adam’s Apple, or the Throat.  A mere 6 pounds of pressure delivered to the throat will cause not only pain, a major stun and a Startle Response.  The Bad Guy will reflexively reach for his throat, even if the pain is minor.  It is a natural, instinctive response.  And, of course, by grabbing for his throat, the Bad Guy opens up all his Secondary and Primary Targets (covered in a previous post).  And, as in all high-risk self defense scenarios, the putative victim must follow-up immediately and often with strikes to those open targets.  Maybe it needs not be said, but it is a deadly force struggle.  If you stick around and allow the Bad Guy a chance to recover, the Bad Guy will attack again, and, this time, it will be anything but pretty.  Put him away.  Please.
• But, if the Web Strike is driven into the throat with full power and with the violence such a life or death counterstrike calls for, the Bad Guy will immediately end his attack.  And I mean now!
• The Web Strike should be delivered using the element of surprise.  It also should be delivered up through the Blind Spot that resides on every Bad Guy extending from his/her solar plexus to just below his nose.

Here is how to use this great strike.  The Bad Guy has boldly strutted into your intimate zone (PSZ) and has latched onto you.  He pulls you in even closer, predictably expected you – like 9 out of 10 victims – to freeze on his First Touch.  Instead, place your hand, palm down, your fingers pointed toward your right and your thumb straight up.  When you look at your hand it forms an “L.”  Now, stretch out those fingers and extend your thumb.  Notice how the web between your thumb and index finger grows taut?

All you have to do is slide that hard web straight up, sliding along the chest until it drives into the throat.  If you were a defensive back in football, you would be performing what we call a Clothesline Technique.

Ever watch a Clothesline in football?  Ever notice how the runner always drops like AIG stock when hit?

That’s why it’s illegal in football.  But, this aint football.  This is life or death.

Stay Safe.

Hammer

DESTROYING THE MOST COMMON

ATTACK AGAINST WOMEN.

The Wrist or Arm Grab is easily the most common move used against women.  Figures, too.  This move almost always follows “testing,” where the attacker uses distraction techniques to get the woman to look at her watch, to look anywhere but at the attacker.  Testing is part of “The Interview,” where the attacker sizes up his prey, testing the waters.  I have written more than 6 posts on how to avoid an attack by acing “The Interview,” or, put more technically, becoming a Hard Target, so let’s move on from there.

When the attacker senses he has himself an Easy Target, his logical next move is to attach the prospective victim to himself.  The predator knows what too many women do not:  Nine out of ten women will freeze upon First Touch, and. just as bad, will hold their breath.  This is one of the major reasons the wrist/arm grab is so frequent.  Because it works!

THE WRIST GRAB ESCAPE, PART I.  If the Bad Guy grabs you with his palm down, bend your knees, turn your wrist so you present a bladed bone instead of a flat surface.  Much harder for him to hold.  Now, pull your hand straight up, as if you are slapping yourself in your ear and step back.

THE WRIST GRAB ESCAPE, PART II.  Once you escape do your best to gain as much distance as possible. Be prepared to strike when the Bad Guy moves in.  However, there is a chance the predator will Re-Grab Your Wrist.  If he re-grabs, this usually means he intends to seriously harm you and the grab is simply the first step.  Here is what I recommend to do:

1.      You escaped against a palm down grab by driving your hands straight up.  Most likely, he will grab your wrists palm up this time.  Escape by blading your wrist and driving your hand straight down.  As you step in to empower the move, however, your hands will be low.  Step in and drive that hand hard into his groin.  He will drop his head instinctively here, so drive your knee straight up into his head, using your free hand to help drive his head downward.

2.      It is not important that you follow my blueprint here.  The key is to escape from the grab and immediately strike whatever target is open with whatever personal weapon you can use the best.

3.      But, here is another option.  In my book, a better option, but, as always, it is up to you.  Do not even try to escape the second wrist grab.  Why should you?  Heck, both of the Bad Guy’s hands are tied up, or, at the very least, one, so he has nothing to block with, nothing to strike with. 

Ø Allow him to hold on to your wrists and step forward quickly.

Ø Drive your foot into his shin, or, if you can reach it, kick him in the groin as hard as you can.

Ø Be prepared to follow up.  If you kick him in the groin, he will let go of your wrists and bring his hands toward his groin.  Now, your hands are both free.  As his hands are moving down, yours should drive as hard and as often as possible into his face:

·        Repeated Palm Heel Strikes to the chin and nose.

·        Stretch out and harden your fingers and gouge the eyes.

·        Create an “L” with your hand and drive the hardened Web (Web Strike) into his throat (use the convenient “Blind Spot” that exists from his solar plexus up to his nose).

·        Follow Up or start the whole cascade of strikes with a powerful Head Butt using your forehead into his nose.

Make the bastard sorry he ever tried the most common and simplest of male attacks on women.  Destroy the Wrist and Arm Grab and never stop striking until it is safe to disengage.

Until the Next Post, Stay Safe.

Hammer

THE HAMMER FIST STRIKE – VERSATILE, EASY-TO-DO, AND DEVASTATING.

This month I am conducting another 4-week Self Defense for Women program.  I have 18 beautiful and energetic women, all of whom are committed to protecting themselves so they can enjoy the adventures and joys life has to offer.  The thought of some miscreant attacking, dragging off and killing any of them energizes me into giving them the best self protection techniques I know.

The problem in any class such as this, though, is to teach as many skills as possible in the short time I have them without teaching so many that they forget almost all of them when the time comes to use the skills.  It is a fact that the human mind can only absorb so much, and, worse, under stress, when the resting heart rate spikes from 70 BPM to about 250 BPM, it is only possible to retrieve a survival skill when the student has repeated the skill at least 25 times during training in correlation with the actual threat (The Condition/Stimulus Response Training Principle).

Thus, the Hammer Fist Strike.  Second only, in my opinion, to the extremely versatile Palm Heel Strike (which I have extolled in past posts), the Hammer Fist is a terrific strike for any woman to employ against any attacker who attempts to drag her away from the Initial Crime Scene (where she is found) to the deadly Secondary Crime Scene (where she is raped, injured, tortured and/or killed in an isolated, secluded environment)

WHY THE HAMMER FIST?

1. It is easy to use.  Easy to do.  Just make a strong fist, which anybody can do.  Strike with the bottom of the Hammer Fist on the opposite side where the thumb resides.  This creates a hard, unforgiving surface, much like the peen of a hammer.
2. It is very powerful because it is delivered in a downward motion, from shoulder height.  Imagine you are going to deliver the Hammer Fist through the target to the other side of the target.  If the woman/girl hits and sticks on the target – as opposed to bouncing off – the effect will be much more devastating.
3. It is also a relatively versatile strike.  Not only can it be delivered downward into the target, it can be driven backward into the genitals as the man attempts to grab the woman.
4. The Very, Very Vulnerable and Effective Targets include the :
   • NOSE.  The nose, in my opinion is one of the five Primary Targets (Groin/Eyes/Nose/(K)Nees/Throat).  Driving the Hammer Fist straight down on the nose will temporarily stop the attack because it will cause instant tearing, an inability to see, and, very likely, will break the nose.  The nose is always a great target because, no matter the size and strength of the attacker, he can not develop any resistance to the punch in his nose!  More than that, a good strike to the nose will result in overwhelming pain.  Think of this:  If you have ever been holding a baby and that child dropped his or her forehead onto your nose, you know how disorienting a strike to the nose can be, even when delivered by a baby (In a future post I will discuss the wonderful Head Butt To teh Nose.  A devsatating technique, by the way.
   • GROIN.  The groin is also a great Primary Target.  Striking the groin with even a deflected strike will still startle and distract the Bad Guy at the very least, giving the woman time and opportunity to deliver another strike.  A solid strike to the groin, however, will stop the attacker in his tracks!  How to do this?  Form the same Hammer Fist and imagine the Bad Guy is very close to you and standing behind you at a slight angle.  Simply drive the Hammer Fist  straight back (imagine you are facing away from a door and you wish to knock on that door with your fist.)
   • FLOATING RIBS.  Can’t get at the groin with the first strike?  No problem, deliver the same backward strike into his ribs.  The ribs are a Secondary Target, but the affect will be to open up other targets.

Remember.  One strike will hardly ever stop him!  Never stop hitting him until you are safe.

Until next time, stay safe.

Hammer

MOST COMMON STREET ATTACKS AND BEST BETS TO ESCAPE, PART I.

I thought it would be cool to go over some of the most common types of street attacks and suggestions on how best to escape them (in Part II). 

OF course, I have repeated this mantra so often in past posts that I’m sure you are tired of reading it, but your best escape move is never to have to make the move.  By that I mean that nothing – and I mean nothing – beats prevention and avoidance.  And topping the chart of prevention and avoidance has to be the 4 A’s of Assessing yourself and your surrounding; Awareness of obvious and not so obvious changes in the other person and the environment; Anticipation, meaning, always have a plan of action, or at least a mind set that asked “what would I do if the worst case scenario goes down?”and, finally take Action exactly when action is required!

THE MOST COMMON STREET ATTACKS

1. Wrist/Arm Grabs.
2. Lapel or collar grab.
3. Lapel Grab and Sucker Punch.
4. Front Choke.
5. Rear Choke.
6. Roundhouse Punch.
7. Front Bear Hug.
8. Rear Bear Hug.
9. Side Headlock and Punch.
10. Hair Pull.
11. Charge and Tackle.
12. Front Headlock.
13. Rear Strangle Hold.
14. Overhead Strike with Weapon.
15. Bad Guy In Mount (straddling the chest), Victim’s (Woman) Hands Pinned To Ground.
16. Ground and Pound from the Mount Position.
17. Choke From Mount Position.
18. Choke From Guard Position (Man in between woman’s legs, on the ground).
19. First In-First Out (attacks when victim is first going in or first coming out of a car, garage, house, etc.).
20. Bear Hug From Rear/Objective is to pick woman up and carry her off.

Next Post:  How To Escape.  In the meantime, give some thought to what you would do?  How you might prevent this from happening?  How you might defeat this attack before it even begins?

Stay Safe.

Hammer

            HIGH-LILLY HIGH-LOW AND OTHER WINOLOGY PRINCIPLES

                IT IS DAMN near impossible to engineer a foolproof Fighting Arts System of self defense that will work every time against every imaginable attacker in every imaginable attack scenario.  Mater of fact, even if I could design such a system, I doubt seriously if I could or even would attempt to train it since the attack format can not be predicted.  I know I cannot predict it, but, more importantly, I know the predator himself cannot predict it. 

              SURE, the attacker, much like any predator, has a hunting plan – how to spot his victim, track and stalk his victim, and, just to make certain his prey is not going to be able to fight or run,  how to test his victim.  When and how to attack may mutate with how the intended prey reacts during any one of these stages.  Once the attack starts, everything goes at a ferocious pace, and, if you – the victim – isn’t prepared to stay in the fight regardless of the pace and ferocity of the attack, simply put, you are screwed Big Time.

              ONE THING for sure:  If you have not trained and practiced assiduously – meaning hundreds of repetitions in dozens if different scenarios, the techniques you learned and rehearsed (Martial Arts Kadas) against the myriad of attack possibilities are likely going to fail you.  What always works, though, are what I call Timeless Principles. 

             Timeless Principles (of the Fighting Arts) cross all the variegated situation you might be confronted with in an all out fight for your life.  I can’t guarantee success, but these Winology (the art science of winning in combat situations) Principles, each of which is simple, easy to do, and are always heavy with time-proven truth.

GREAT WINOLOGY PRINCIPLES OF SELF DEFENSE.

• THE PRINCIPLE OF HIGH-LOW AND VICE VERSA.  Or as I call it in my SD For Women classes:  High-Lilly, High-Low.  This timeless Winology Principle simply suggests that when the Bad Guy attacks you high, all his targets will be open low.  Therefore, the attacker wades in striking at your face; block and counter-attack him low.
• HIT SECONDARY TARGETS TO OPEN UP PRIMARY TARGETS.  Winology suggests that the Bad Guy can only possible block 3 of his targets at any one time, meaning, if you stay focused, you must find easy-to-hit targets.  Hit secondary targets to open up the High-value Primary Targets that will stop him from seeing (eyes). Breathing (throat). Moving (groin).  Targets that will take away his fighting spirit (stomach, nose) and his ability to stand (knees).
• IGNORE THE EMOTIONAL STATE OF MIND AND CONCENTRATE ON THE TASK AT HAND.  Accept that you are scared.  It is natural.  Focus instead on the task of hitting open targets, moving, breathing and thinking.
• THANK YOU FOR GRABBING ME THERE.  This principle actually celebrates the occasion of the Bad Grab grabbing his victim.  Dave Guglielmi, one of my self defense co=trainers, would actually say “Thank you” before destroying the attacker who had just grabbed him.  Why?  Once you are grabbed, several good things happen. 

Ø     If the attacker grabs you with two-hands, you now are aware that he can no longer block or strike with either hand.  All of his targets are open.

Ø     If he grabs you with one hand, you know that he cannot both block and strike with his free hand.  Almost all of his targets are open.

Ø     When he grabs you, you now are free to trap the Bad Guy’s hand to you.  You can strike various vulnerable parts of the hands, fingers, wrist and forearm, and/or move that hand and arm in a direction it was not meant to be moved.

• EXPECT TO BE HIT, CUT, OR SHOT.  The Bad Guy knows how to dispirit and defeat you almost before the fight begins.  He knows most easy victims have a plan until they are hit.  Worse, many attackers are triggered into escalated violence when their victim cries, begs for mercy or just freezes in place after First Touch.  Remember that Self Defense Is not an Injury-Free Activity.  When you are trying to fight off an attacker, expect to be hit, maybe even cut or shot.  Shake it off, if you can.  Most likely, if you realize you have been punched, cut, or even shot, you can and will survive it.  Tell yourself, Hey, look at me, I’ve been punched and I’m still in the fight.”  Now, go out and win the damn fight!

Stay Safe.

Hammer

The Fighting Arts for Women – Target-Focused Survival.

You might not know much about survival stress, but, for the sake of brevity, let me just say that once you are attacked from close quarters – especially a spontaneous, surprise attack – your SNS (Sympathetic Nervous System) will flood your entire system with stress hormones, which, again to keep it brief, will pretty much shut down your ability to think exactly when you need to think and act as well and as quickly as possible.

Assuming you are not preparing yourself to respond quickly (fight) every time you answer your door; every time you turn a blind corner; every time you get into or go out of your car; every time you walk down a darkened street where escape routes and barricades are few and far between you need to rely on Principles of the Fighting Arts. Principles are great because they are designed to serve you well no matter what the circumstance.

TIME PROVEN AND RELIABLE PRINCIPLES.

1. Breathe Tactically Upon First Touch (understand that 9 out of 10 victims freeze when first touched and understand that you require oxygenated blood flowing to your brain to act).
2. Use First Touch as a Trigger to Explode Into Action.
3. Always Look For Open Targets and Hit Them Hard and Hit Them Often.
· There are other key principles, but let’s focus on this principle.
· Assuming you are not training hard in the Fighting Arts, you must rely on your eyes Many victims close their eyes and just flail away in a slapping motion. Please resist this urge. Keep your eyes open, keep breathing, and become—
· Task Oriented. You can do this. You must do this. Seeking out Primary and Secondary Targets is within your power, no matter how much stress you are under. If the Bad Guy has both your arms under control, ask yourself If he’s using both hands, well, heck, what targets can he be blocking? The answer: Zero! A Bad Guy can only block two or three possible targets at any one time.
· STAY FOCUSED. There may be times when the Bad Guy has your striking levers tied up, but, if you stay focused and take your punishment for a while, one or more of the following targets will open up. Wait, keep breathing,.

TARGETS.

Ø Eyes.
Ø Throat.
Ø Groin.
Ø Knees.
Ø Nose.
Ø Ears.
Ø Temple.
Ø Back of Head.
Ø Chin (at the hinge).
Ø Sides of Neck (Brachial Plexus Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Jugular Notch (just below Adam’s Apple).
Ø Clavicles (easily assesses and easily broken).
Ø Forearms.
Ø Wrists.
Ø Top of Hands.
Ø Fingers (twisted/broken).
Ø Stomach.
Ø Obliques (Pinch the “love handles” when the Bad Guy grabs you from behind).
Ø Kidneys.
Ø Insides and outsides of thighs (Femoral Nerve Motor Point and Common Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Back of Legs (Tibial Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Upper, middle and lower shins (Superficial Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Top of feet.

I might have missed one or two. Fact is, as you can see, there are a bajillion targets you can hit. Hit a target well and other will open up.

Good Luck. Stay Safe. Until Next Time.

Hammer
Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Top of feet.

I might have missed one or two. Fact is, as you can see, there are a bajillion targets you can hit. Hit a target well and other will open up.

Good Luck. Stay Safe. Until Next Time.

Hammer

WHEN it comes to stopping a stalker, making him or her gone, it is best to cut your losses and make the stalker disappear out of your life at the earliest possible moment following the realization that you are dealing with one in the first place.  You might be thinking easier said than done, but, hell, Dog, it doesn’t seem to me you have any choice, unless, that is, you feel like being harassed and eventually vandalized, assaulted, maybe even killed.  No brainer, far as I’m concerned,  If you agree, read on:

First of all, some pithy and prophetic axioms of stalking:

·        Men who can’t let go chose women who can’t say no.

·        The nicer the rejection, the more the stalker will interpret it as affection.

·        The best way to stop contact with a stalker is to stop contact with a stalker.

Secondly, how about a few Stalker Danger Signs:

·        Stalker will research his/her victim early.  An example of this might be the stalker asking others at a party questions about the eventual victim.

·        Stalker is overly invested.  An example of this might be meeting a man or woman and the same night receiving three or four messages from him/her.

·        Refusal to accept “no.”  The stalker will negotiate and argue when his/her victim says he or she is not interested.

·        Hyper-Attentiveness.

·        Early on the victim feels uncomfortable about the stalker and his/her actions, mind set, etc.

·        Early on, stalker offers unsolicited help.  Tries to get self invested in victim’s life.

·        Stalker projects emotions, feelings, actions ON TO THE VICTIM that are not present.

·        Stalker romances victim at a mind-numbing whirlwind pace.

·        Stalker monitors victim’s activities, whereabouts, etc.

·        Hyper-Jealousy.

·        Isolates victim from family and friends.

·        Refusal to hear “no!”

SUGGESTIONS FOR STOPPING THE STALKER:

1.        Contact police or trusted authority figure ASAP.

2.        MAKE REJECTION FINAL!

3.        Make it clear that you are breaking it off because of his/her actions, not because of another suitor/you just want to be friends because you are not ready/whatever.  Again:  You do not want to see the stalker because of his or her actions!

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Hammer Note: Maybe a little insight into the way a stalker thinks will help here:  If you say, “I’m sorry, Betty/Bruce, but I don’t think we should see each other any more.  I met a man/woman at work and we just fell in love.  I didn’t want it to happen, but it did—“ Trust me, the stalker will immediately think:  Ok.  Fine.  All I have to do is make this new guy simply disappear and she will be mine, all mine!  Again.  It has to be cold and it has to be final!

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4.        If the above 3 tactics fail, make it tougher for the stalker to contact you, to track you.  Change your phone numbers.  Leave work at different times.  Change your patterns.

5.        After you break it off, and he calls – and, believe me, he or she will call – do not answer his calls and do not return his or her messages, no matter how many times he or she calls.  If, after the 300^th phone call, you finally pick up the phone and say “Gees, Chuck, how many times I have to tell you not to call me any more?”  the only thing that will register is that you answered his/her call.  The stalker will not hear the secondary rejection.  He now knows your initial rejection was insincere, and, also, it will take 300 phone calls to get through to you.

6.        Document everything and work with police.

WHAT ABOUT A PFA OR A RESTRAINING ORDER.  For the serious stalker who has made a very large personal and emotional investment in you, he or she is hooked, addicted to you.  Sadly, this route will probably not work.  As a matter of fact, this kind of control freak can become seriously deadly when his or her victim obtains a PFA or Restraining Order.

What About Asking A Friend To Confront the Stalker.  Have Him or Her Warn Him To Stop?  The idiotic, brain-damaged stalker wil interpret this action as a sign that his girlfiend is conflicted; otherwise, he will think, she qwould have told me herself.  And the police cannot intervene at this point either because he has broken no laws.

Until Next time, Stay Safe.

Hammer

Action Against Violence
February 15, 2009

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND STALKING

ACCORDING To the Violence Against Women Grants Office’s 2ND Annual Report to Congress (circa 2000), “survey results indicate that stalking is a much bigger problem than previously assumed.” Well, about 10 years later, we now know how serious stalking is.

STALKING IS (as defined by most states) “the willful, malicious, and repeated following and harassing of another person” Some states throw in activities such as lying in wait, surveillance, nonconsensual communications, telephone harassment, and vandalism. Moreover, stalking usually requires a “course of conduct directed at a specific person that involves repeated – two or more – visual or physical proximity, nonconsensual communications, verbal, written, or implied threats, or a combination thereof—-causing the person to feel a high level of fear or bodily harm.”

THE SURVEY FOUND that 8% of all women and 2.2% of all men surveyed were stalked at least once in their lifetime. Thirty-eight per cent of stalking victims included wives; 10% were partners; 14% were stalked after a date or a few dates; 4% were relatives; 19% were female acquaintances (34% were male acquaintances); and 23% of women were stalked by a male stranger. Interestingly, 36% of males reported being stalked by a female stranger.

THE REPORT goes on to outline victim service providers and how they can be expected to increase their outreach to stalking victims to help these victims, assist police and prosecutors in building stalking cases, etc. I suggest, if you are a victim of stalking, that you take it seriously – I don’t have the statistics in front of me, but, believe me, if not fractured early, there is a geometric progression of aggression in the Stalker’s Cycle. Law enforcement, the Courts and the Criminal Justice System itself – along with these victim outreach program can and will help to break that vicious cycle and get you back to a normal and safe life.

BUT I MUST WARN you, the criminal justice system can get the job done, if what you want is your stalker to be targeted, intervened upon, arrested and prosecuted. And for 97-98% of the cases, if you follow through all the way until sentencing (and beyond – when he or she is released on parole or probation, even), you’ll get your wish. Of course, if you’ve done the math, you might be asking me right now, “Uhh, Hammer, that’s lovely, but, that still leave 2 to 3% of the stalkers out there that a PFA (Protection From Abuse) Order and Criminal Justice intervention won’t stop. What works with them, and who the heck are these “3-Percenters, anyway?”

Next Two Posts: The 3 Percenters and How To Stop Him (Her). Until then, Stay Safe.
Hammer