PART II.  PREVENTION PSYCHOLOGY AMD PRINCIPLES OF AVOIDANCE (PREDATOR BE GONE).

So, what do you think?  In my last post (Part I. June 5), I asked you to think about how you might avoid the predator altogether, understanding that prevention, preparation, practice and avoidance comprised over 98% of successful self defense, and considering the Predator Profile I discussed.  You might could want to compare your thoughts with mine.

The important thing, though, is you start thinking about the subject.  That in itself is a huge step toward not only avoiding the evil bastard, but even prevailing if or ever you do confront him.

1. Develop A Prevention Mindset.  Albeit obvious and common sense, this is a giant first step. It is important that you always remember that in a real life or death crisis, common sense is the rarest of commodities.  So never minimize a principle because it is one of those Duhh Thingees.

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   • The 4 A’s are the foundation of your Prevention Mindset. 
   • Awareness:  At all times be aware of what and who is around you; be aware of subtle changes in your surroundings, including yourself and others. 
   • Assess:  Assess means that at all times you should assess that what you have observed.  Ask yourself what does that person’s body language tell me?  Why is he eyeballing me?  What are my Gut Instincts telling me?  What barricades, barriers and potential/improvised weapons are in my environment that can help me escape and evade?

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   • Anticipate:  You can Spinal Tune your mind and your body to work as a powerful unit to help you escape, evade, and even overcome an assailant by asking yourself “What would I do, if such and such happened?”  Have a Plan of Action and maybe even a Plan B.

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   • Action.  Trust me, Dudettes, by assessing, being aware, and anticipating, you Spinal Tune yourself to the point you can and will spring into action at your earliest chance once danger appears in the form of your assailant.  Just as important, by adopting this Prevention Psychology, you will most likely become aware there is a Bad Guy lurking like a shark.  Stalking you.

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   • Become a Hard Target.  What I just noted in the above paragraph is no trivial concept.  The great majority of victims never are aware they are being marked (all predators mark, or select, their victims by virtue of how that animal carries itself), stalked, and tested until it is too late!  By making yourself into a Hard Target you will have discouraged almost any and every potential assailant in your zip code.

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   • How Do I Recreate Myself Into A Hard Target?

Pretty simple recreation formula, actually:

Ø        Assess/Anticipate/Awareness.

Ø        Profile the Attacker:  Simply by being aware of a predator and his “games,” you will have “busted the bastard.”  99 + % of assailants will back off once they are busted.

Ø        Look at the assailant when he is sizing you up.  Size him up and look disgusted.  Be a good “witness.”  Take note of what he is wearing, color hair, eyes, etc.

Ø        EXAMINE YOUR CLOTHING FOR ESCAPE OR DEFENSE POSSIBILITIES.

Ø        DO NOT ENTER ENVIRONMENTS THAT ARE OBVIOUSLY UNSAFE WHEN POSSIBLE (Future Post:  How to deal with unsafe environments).

Ø        CONSTANTLY BE ALERT FOR ANYONE WHO SEEMS TO BE PAYING “TOO MUCH” ATTENTION AND/OR FOLLOWING YOU.

Ø        STAY IN “HIGH WITNESS AREAS” WHEN POSSIBLE.

Ø        ALWAYS BE AWARE OF POINTS OF ESCAPE.

Ø        ALWAYS MAINTAIN YOUR PERSONAL SAFE ZONE (PSZ).  ALWAYS “CONTROL YOUR SPACE.

Ø        HAVE AN ASSERTIVE/CONFRONTATIONAL VERBAL RESPONSE PREPARED PRIOR TO THE ASSAAILANT INVADING YOUR PSZ.

   HAVE A PHYSICAL PLAN OF ACTION AND DECIDE YOU ARE WILLING TO USE IT!

PART III.  We talk about some Principle of Avoidance and in Part IV we talk about what to do if the assailant has you cornered.  Cool Stuff, I promise.

Until Then, of course.  Stay Safe.

HAMMER

PART II:  STOPPING THE ACTIVE SHOOTER BEFORE HE CAN LIGHT YOU UP.

Of course you realize that, even if you follow my tips on how to tell an assailant is carrying a concealed weapon (May 28^th’s Post), you still have a splendid chance of getting shot up pretty good.  And here’s some more terrific news:  Even if you are carrying your own concealed firearm – even if it is already in your hand and your finger is on the trigger – you still can end up on the receiving end of a speeding bullet.

All depends.

All depends on who has the mental edge.  Who has that steely determination in his or her mind – you know, that inexorable Action Plan  - that, no matter what happens, I will unleash Hell at anything or anyone who is stupid enough to stand in my way.

Okay.  Point for the Bad Guy.

All depends on who acts first.  All depends who has the bigger stake on coming out on top.

Two points for the Good Guy.  Why?  I ask you, who has a bigger stake in coming out on top than you, the security specialist, or the worker who has the safety of possibly hundreds of workers in his or her hands? 

So, what it comes down to is who acts first.  It always does.  So, what it comes down to, in order to respond before the Bad Guy is to:

1.      Have a Workplace Plan.  Just like a Fire Drill, managers and workers should at least have a discussion about what they all should do if a shootist should happen in to the job site.  More likely than not, they should actually act out The Plan at least once or twice.  Maybe even act out a realistic scenario.  Sounds far out?  Not really.  I have led such scenarios at one of our area’s schools.  What should everyone do if an Active Shooter has already begun to spray rounds inside the school and he attempts to enter your “locked down” classroom (see one of my next two blogs for my suggestions).

2.      Have your own Action Plan.  In the end it is going to be up to you.  Would be folly of the highest sort to depend upon others to Save the Day.  After all, who knows your environment?  That’s right, Dog.  You. 

DISARMING THE ACTIVE SHOOTER

·         In many cases, do what the shooter tells you to do.  If she/he has not started firing yet, there probably is something he wants from you, others.  The more time that passes, the better your chances are that you can resolve his issues.  Even if not, the more time that passes, the better the chances that help will arrive, or, more likely, adrenaline will do its thing.  Especially after about 2 minutes.

·         Look For Distractionary Windows.  After two minutes the gun will begin to feel heavy in the shooter’s hand, he will experience what I call Shifting Focus.  His eyes will wander, his focus will diffuse.

·         Try To Establish Relative Distance.  Keep talking to the Active Shooter. Ask questions to attempt to learn what it is he wants.  As you talk, attempt to move in within 6 feet, which is the Relative Distance you will require to disarm him/her.

·         ACT NOW!  If you are still alive and you see a Distractionary Window, this is the best time to:

1.       Move the Target and Parry the Weapon.  You are the target.  Step with your left foot and blade your body at the same time while striking the wrist/forearm holding the gun with your left hand.  Action will always be faster than reaction, so trust me when I say you will be able to do this before he can pull the trigger.

2.       Secure the Gun.  Step 1 will move the gun and gun hand away from you, but, believe me, now that the shooter realizes what has happened, the gun is moving back toward you.  Now take your free hand and bring it palm up underneath the muzzle and grab it.  Your left hand is already in position, so bring it down, over the rear sight.  You now have the Catcher’s Mitt Grip solidly latched onto the gun.

3.       STRIP THE GUN OUT OF THE SHOOTER’S GRIP. 

·         Pull the gun and your Catcher’s Mitt Grip in to your center (close to your abdomen).  This is where you are strongest.  If the Bad Guy is so much stronger than you that you cannot pull the gun in to you, step in to the gun.

·         Make sure your strong hand (right in this scenario; left if you are lefthanded). Is under the muzzle.  Now keep the gun close to your center and simply strip it by driving the muzzle across the Bad Guy’s torso – the muzzle should actually face the Bad Guy’s stomach as it turns – until the shooter has to let it go because his trigger finger has broken and the force of your body is too much for his grip to bear.

·         Once you have stripped the gun, I suggest you strike him or her with it in the face. Knock him or her out with the gunbefore he or she can reclaim the weapon.

·         And, if you are thinking, Heck, I couldn’t do this without some training, you are probably right.  A good Disruptive Student Management course would do wonders.

Next Post.  Your Workplace Plan.

Until then.  Stay Safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

May 9, 2009

THE IRREPRESSIBLE WEB STRIKE

HEY, HAMMER FANS, here’s the counterstrike I recommend to anyone – be you elderly, a man, boy, woman or girl – facing a high-risk close quarter attack.  The Web Strike is a Deadly Force Counterstrike, meaning, if delivered successfully – and, frankly, I don’t know how it could not be delivered, not only successfully, but with devastating power, the results of the strike could be serious injury or possibly death to the attacker.

The Web Strike has so many positive attributes that it’s a wonder more people don’t know about it. 

• It is based on Gross Motor Skills, which work best under high stress situations.  In a close quarter, surprise attack, the potential victim’s heart rate will accelerate to well over 200 BPM.
• Gross Motor Skills are simple, doable for the least athletic and strong student in any of my Self Defense classes.
• The Web Strike requires no significant power.  The target is the Adam’s Apple, or the Throat.  A mere 6 pounds of pressure delivered to the throat will cause not only pain, a major stun and a Startle Response.  The Bad Guy will reflexively reach for his throat, even if the pain is minor.  It is a natural, instinctive response.  And, of course, by grabbing for his throat, the Bad Guy opens up all his Secondary and Primary Targets (covered in a previous post).  And, as in all high-risk self defense scenarios, the putative victim must follow-up immediately and often with strikes to those open targets.  Maybe it needs not be said, but it is a deadly force struggle.  If you stick around and allow the Bad Guy a chance to recover, the Bad Guy will attack again, and, this time, it will be anything but pretty.  Put him away.  Please.
• But, if the Web Strike is driven into the throat with full power and with the violence such a life or death counterstrike calls for, the Bad Guy will immediately end his attack.  And I mean now!
• The Web Strike should be delivered using the element of surprise.  It also should be delivered up through the Blind Spot that resides on every Bad Guy extending from his/her solar plexus to just below his nose.

Here is how to use this great strike.  The Bad Guy has boldly strutted into your intimate zone (PSZ) and has latched onto you.  He pulls you in even closer, predictably expected you – like 9 out of 10 victims – to freeze on his First Touch.  Instead, place your hand, palm down, your fingers pointed toward your right and your thumb straight up.  When you look at your hand it forms an “L.”  Now, stretch out those fingers and extend your thumb.  Notice how the web between your thumb and index finger grows taut?

All you have to do is slide that hard web straight up, sliding along the chest until it drives into the throat.  If you were a defensive back in football, you would be performing what we call a Clothesline Technique.

Ever watch a Clothesline in football?  Ever notice how the runner always drops like AIG stock when hit?

That’s why it’s illegal in football.  But, this aint football.  This is life or death.

Stay Safe.

Hammer

BULLY BE GONE, PART IV.

This is the final segment of a four-part series on neutralizing the male and/or female bully.  Let’s quickly review the last blog wherein I discussed a physical plan that, if followed, should maximize the intended victim’s chances of stopping the bully, not only where he/she stands, but also to discourage future attacks.

QUICK REVIEW OF PART 3.

1. Act Like A Hard Target and Defuse the Bully During Testing.  All (98%)  attacks begin with a verbal lead-in, or, as some experts call it, The Interview.  I call it “Testing.”  Tell the bully by your strong response, verbally and non-verbally, that, if he/she wants to take you on, he/she better be ready for a tough fight.  In other words, if the prospective victim acts as if he/she is a Hard Target, he/she will pass the test and the Bully will go on to test another victim!
2. Have a Plan of Action.  Spinal Tune Yourself To Escape, Evade, Fight if you must.
3. Create “Automatic Decision Points” that initiate the Victim to Immediately Move Into Action.
4. TACTICAL MOVEMENT.  Don’t cement yourself to the ground.

THE REST OF THE BULLY BE GONE EQUATION.

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   • By this point, the bully most likely has either left, or you have distracted him/her and have evaded the attack.  However, if he or she is still in your face, there is one great reason.  The Bully has made his or her play in front of an audience and can not possibly back down.  I suggest that you accept the fact that some sort of showdown is inevitable, so now is the time to put into play the Plan of Action that hopefully you mentally plugged in previous to the attack. 
   • The Action Fighting Arts Counter-Bully System:

1.      Action is always faster than reaction.  Take the fight to the bully.  If you read the last post, you know the bully has already invaded your PSZ (Personal Safe Zone) against your wishes.  Turtle Up and move in to his Center Line Targets.  Hands up near your face and move in and grapple with the bully /Tie him up.

2.      Drive the hard toe of your shoe into his lower shins The Israeli Army and PPCT Front Kick), which will surprise the Bully, who is expecting  either no counterattack or an attack high, not low.  Strike as often as you have to to initiate a motor reaction by the bully, which is almost always for him to drop his upper body toward the ground.

3.      If the consequences for losing are severe (being attacked by more than one bully in an isolated area outside of the school), grab the back of his head as he drops and drive your knee as hard as you can into his stomach, groin, or, if need be, face!  End of fight.

4.      If the fight is in the school environment with plenty of people to stop the fight if and when it goes too far, grab the back of the bully’s head with both hands and drive his or her nose toward his or her toes with as much strength as you have.  The Front Kick I advocate will act as a Distraction Technique designed to weaken the bully’s motor actions, and it is likely that he will be driven off balance as his nose dips toward his or her toes.

5.      You have now dispatched the bully without having to throw a single punch.  Moreover, very few of your witnesses will ever have even seen you deliver the Front Kick.

6.      As the Bully drops toward the ground, get the heck out of Dodge.  Disengage, or, if necessary, square off in a fighting stance and face any others of the Bully’s friends who might be standing around.

Until the next post, Stay Safe

Hammer

DESTROYING THE MOST COMMON

ATTACK AGAINST WOMEN.

The Wrist or Arm Grab is easily the most common move used against women.  Figures, too.  This move almost always follows “testing,” where the attacker uses distraction techniques to get the woman to look at her watch, to look anywhere but at the attacker.  Testing is part of “The Interview,” where the attacker sizes up his prey, testing the waters.  I have written more than 6 posts on how to avoid an attack by acing “The Interview,” or, put more technically, becoming a Hard Target, so let’s move on from there.

When the attacker senses he has himself an Easy Target, his logical next move is to attach the prospective victim to himself.  The predator knows what too many women do not:  Nine out of ten women will freeze upon First Touch, and. just as bad, will hold their breath.  This is one of the major reasons the wrist/arm grab is so frequent.  Because it works!

THE WRIST GRAB ESCAPE, PART I.  If the Bad Guy grabs you with his palm down, bend your knees, turn your wrist so you present a bladed bone instead of a flat surface.  Much harder for him to hold.  Now, pull your hand straight up, as if you are slapping yourself in your ear and step back.

THE WRIST GRAB ESCAPE, PART II.  Once you escape do your best to gain as much distance as possible. Be prepared to strike when the Bad Guy moves in.  However, there is a chance the predator will Re-Grab Your Wrist.  If he re-grabs, this usually means he intends to seriously harm you and the grab is simply the first step.  Here is what I recommend to do:

1.      You escaped against a palm down grab by driving your hands straight up.  Most likely, he will grab your wrists palm up this time.  Escape by blading your wrist and driving your hand straight down.  As you step in to empower the move, however, your hands will be low.  Step in and drive that hand hard into his groin.  He will drop his head instinctively here, so drive your knee straight up into his head, using your free hand to help drive his head downward.

2.      It is not important that you follow my blueprint here.  The key is to escape from the grab and immediately strike whatever target is open with whatever personal weapon you can use the best.

3.      But, here is another option.  In my book, a better option, but, as always, it is up to you.  Do not even try to escape the second wrist grab.  Why should you?  Heck, both of the Bad Guy’s hands are tied up, or, at the very least, one, so he has nothing to block with, nothing to strike with. 

Ø Allow him to hold on to your wrists and step forward quickly.

Ø Drive your foot into his shin, or, if you can reach it, kick him in the groin as hard as you can.

Ø Be prepared to follow up.  If you kick him in the groin, he will let go of your wrists and bring his hands toward his groin.  Now, your hands are both free.  As his hands are moving down, yours should drive as hard and as often as possible into his face:

·        Repeated Palm Heel Strikes to the chin and nose.

·        Stretch out and harden your fingers and gouge the eyes.

·        Create an “L” with your hand and drive the hardened Web (Web Strike) into his throat (use the convenient “Blind Spot” that exists from his solar plexus up to his nose).

·        Follow Up or start the whole cascade of strikes with a powerful Head Butt using your forehead into his nose.

Make the bastard sorry he ever tried the most common and simplest of male attacks on women.  Destroy the Wrist and Arm Grab and never stop striking until it is safe to disengage.

Until the Next Post, Stay Safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

May 7, 2009

BULLY BE GONE, PART 3.

This is for those beautiful children and young adults who are prey to bullies, either on school grounds, in their neighborhoods, and even at home when they turn on their computers, check their text messages, answer the phone.  Relentlessly.  Yes, relentlessly, for they are victimized again and again in their dreams and in their racing thoughts as they head to and from school. “Oh, God, will it happen again today?  When?  How?”

And, hopefully, this is also for the few parents – maybe even a lone teacher or two -  who might read this and decide to be their child’s/student’s Safety Coach.  Who will get involved, give support and maybe coach the child on a few Bully-Be-Gone Escape and Evasion Techniques.

BULLY BE GONE ESCAPE AND EVASION TECHNIQUES

Just a little preamble here, folks.  In most situations, when we talk self defense against bullies, we speak more in terms of Escape and Evasion than knocking the bully out of the box.  In most cases, the bully is just another kid on the school grounds, and we simply want to put him in his place and deny him or her the right to make us the victim.  There are situations, though, when the bully is much larger, maybe even an adult, perhaps there are multiple attackers, and the consequences for losing might be catastrophic.  Then we go with pure self defense and I will talk about that in a future post.

1.       PASS THE “TEST.”  Almost every bully precedes the attack with a verbal or non-verbal test.  The Test is nothing more than a Distraction Technique designed to weaken the victim by asking questions, etc. and breaking the victim’s focus.  The test also involves a threat, which almost always precedes an attack.  The Target (the victim) should:

·     Mirror Calm.  This is a practiced art.  Rehearse being cool under pressure.  Basically appear bored, but keep your eyes on him.

·     Use Humor:  Part of the test might be to ridicule how you look, etc.  “Thanks, man, that’s exactly the look I was going for.”

2.       ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN OF ACTION.  The Plan should include movement..  Try to keep at least 5’ distance from the bully.  That means he/she will have to take at least one step before he/she can hit you.  The tendency is to freeze and hold one’s breath, which adds to one’s panic.  Move, breathe and think, baby.  A Plan of Action makes good sense since the “victim” is already fretting about the next time he will get bullied, he or she might as well spend that time thinking positive, proactive thoughts about exactly what he or she will do to escape and evade.

3.       CREATE AUTOMATIC DECISION POINTS.  Since fear and/or panic usually freezes the victim when tested, what about creating some clear points when he or she will act when the bully tests in one or more of the following ways:

Ø       The Bully Threatens the Victim.  The bully is ramping him/herself up for the coming attack.

Ø       The Bully Boldly Enters the Victim’s Personal Safety Zone (PSZ – 3’).  A golden rule of Escape & Evasion is to always control your space.  The Intended Victim must tell the Bully to “Stay Back!”  A “normal” person would stop right then and there and even step back.  But the cocky Bully willkeep on coming.  The “IV (Intended Victim)” knows right then and there that an attack is coming! 

Ø       The Bully Pokes the “IV” in the Chest with a Finger.  This is an “Automatic Decision Point.”  The Bully is “testing the waters,” and, if the “IV” does nothing, he or she is telling the Bully “the water’s fine; c’mon in.”  If the IV does zip, you better believe, Dog,  a punch is coming.

Ø       The Bully Shoves the “IV.”  A shove is followed by a punch 95% of the time.  You do the math.

4.       MOVE AND DISTRACT:  Now that you know the ADP’s (Automatic Decision Points), it is up to you what to do.  You know something evil your way comes; the question is what to do. First thing I would try is to move (Try the J-Step) and distract.  If there are people around, I might say, “Hey, Tommy,” and look in the “invisible Tommy’s” direction, and, when the Bully looks in that direction. “Open His Door” and walk through it, leaving the bully standing there, looking like an idiot.

Ø       About The J-Step:  The J-Step is a simple move where the youngster keeps his lead foot in the same spot and moves his or her rearward foot back and toward the inside, forming an invisible “J.”  This move effectively gains distance and evades any charge by the bully.  Give it a try.

Ø       About Opening the Bully’s Door.  The “IV” places his or her strong hand on the bully’s elbow and quickly pulls that elbow – as if it were a door knob – across his or her (the “IV’s) body.  The elbow is a balance point, and, if it is done quickly, the bully will be swept off balance and will be easily moved away from the IV.

Ø       About “Rocking the Bully’s Door.”  If the bully suspects he is about to be moved when you grab his elbow and widens his stance, making himself harder to move quickly, no problem.  Use the idiot’s own strength against him and “rotate around the pole (use the strong arm as if it were a stationary pole and simply use the pole to propel you past him).”

In the next post we will complete the formula for escaping and evading the bully.  Look for Part 4 of Bully Be Gone.

Until then, Stay Safe.

Hammer 

DEFUSE DISRUPTIVE COWORKERS

 PART III

What do we know this far about my “D.E.F.U.S.E.” acronym in relationship to defusing disruptive subjects who are spiraling toward violence?  (See my last several posts for more specifics)

Don’t lose your cool; Depersonalize; Deflect and Depreciate the verbal icon.

Encourage the Subject to vent and Ego suspension.

Now, let’s complete the DEFUSE formula.

Find Out the Facts.  Incorporated within the “F” component are several principles or strategies.  Allow me to amplify.

• Clear your mind of all assumptions and/or prejudices about the subject.  Don’t rush into a confrontation loaded for bear because of what you might assume or think because of your feelings about the worker, or because of his/her past actions.  Make your mind like clear water (mizu no kikoro).  As I said in my last post, when you roil the “waters” with emotions, you can not see to the bottom of the lake.  The flip side of that coin is, of course, clearing yourself of emotions (prejudices, assumptions, etc) allows you to see clear to the bottom of the problem.
• Change the person’s mental focus.  Asking questions is an art, an art that can change the mental channel of the aggressor.  I have seen an artful question actually stop an emotionally disturbed patient dead in his tracks.  In order to answer a question the person must stop, think, maybe even turn inward to try to come up with an answer, even a dishonest answer.  I really don’t care what the answer is when I ask a question in a confrontational skirmish.  I just want the attacker to stop for a second; I just want to cause a chasm between his brain and his body.  By splitting his or her focus, in effect, you are weakening his capability of carrying out an attack.
• To Learn Crucial Facts.  Just that.  Ask questions of not only the worker, but others on the scene.  “What exactly happened?”  Why did it happen?”  Are there any weapons?”

Understand Feelings.  You don’t have to agree with what the worker must be feeling, but it is very important that you demonstrate that you understand.  Show empathy and you cross the aggresive worker’s experiences and feelings and take a big step toward de-escalating him or her.

Slow Everything Down and Suggest Solutions.  I think the crucial principle you should take from this component is not to rush into any confrontation.  By slowing things down you allow yourself time to think, which effectively allows your Neo Cortex, or Intelligent Brain, to help you resolve the crisis.  When we speed things up our brain perceives it hasn’t the time to analyze and evaluate the problem, resulting in our Primitive Brain taking over.  Never a good thing in a sensitive and explosive scenario.  Slow down how you walk, your speech, your movements.  If I could identify one factor that has caused the death or injury of many officers it would be trying to speed up or rush his tactics.

End on a Positive Note. 

Until next time, Stay Safe.

Hammer

DEFUSE DISRUPTIVE CO-WORKERS, PART II.

In my last post I addressed the “D” of my training acronym D.E.F.U.S.E., which I consider the center piece of my Advanced De-escalation Techniques and Management of Workplace Violence Programs.  Today I thought we could take a look at the E.

D.E.F.U.S.E.

ENCOURAGE THE subject to Vent and Ego Suspension.

Both strategies, I think, go hand-in-hand.  It takes a strong sense of self, or, better put, a strong Ego to, ironically, eliminate one’s Ego in a confrontation with a Disruptive Subject who is cascading toward violence.  When I suggest to allow the person to vent is also to suggest that the worker or manager take a Win/Win approach to the confrontation instead of the conventional Win/Lose Philosophy that many managers who carry their egos with them into the confrontation.  The manager/worker does not have to win at the expense of the disruptive subject.  Whatever is triggering him or her must mean a lot to that person in order for him or her to become disruptive. 

So, encourage him or her to vent.  Ask Artful Questions designed to under-stimulate the scene rather than to over-stimulate.  Mirror what you see him or her doing or feeling.  Always remain calm, Cycle Breathe.  Calm is as contagious as anger (Ego) and/or fear.  It is crucial for the worker/manager to listen to what the subject is saying.  I mean really listen.  Not waiting for your opportunity to say something brilliant (Ego and Win/Lose).  Listen reflectively. When you really listen you can paraphrase back  what you believe he or she is saying (content) and/or feeling (emotions).  Even if you are wrong, you can demonstrate you are concerned.

You probably know better than I what questions are Artful and which are not, but some of the questions that almost always work for me to encourage venting always begin with:  “Jim (or, whatever the name). Would you mind if I asked you a question?”  I really don’t care if he minds or not, but I do want to get his or her attention, to momentarily stop him from ranting and raving.  “Jim, what’s the matter?” seems better than, “Hey!  What’s the problem here?” 

Combining Empathy (see the next post and Understand Feelings), Mirroring Body Language with the Artful Question seems to be another excellent way for encouraging positive venting.  “Jim, check yourself out.  Your muscles are popping out of your shirt and you look tense.  You are obviously amped up What’s the matter?  Is there anything I can say or do to help?”

Might not be a bad idea to point out that it is terrific to encourage a person to vent, but the worker/manager must always establish limits early on and enforce those limitations when venting goes too far.  Damaging property and threatening a manager/worker or others is never acceptable.

A major tenet of Verbal Judo is that the more Ego you bring into a confrontation the less your safety and power.  I believe that “ego” is one of the most dangerous words in the lexicon of law enforcement as well as the work place.  A manager who carries his or her ego into any and all interactions will almost always depend upon coming out on top (Win/Lose) in any confrontational situational.  Also, in any confrontational scenario, he/she will turn inward, toward the ego, in order to find insults, put downs and other “implements of Win/Lose” to stay “on top.”  I firmly believe, however, when one turns inward, he or she is no longer tactically aware of what is going on around him or her.

At the end of the day, it is the manager/worker who believes in the ancient warrior and philosopher Tsun Tse’s axiom of Mizu No Kikoro who will only “win” when the agitated worker or client also is able to win.  To save face. 

The ancient words mean:  Mind like clear water.  When one removes ego from the equation, he or she is calm, his “waters” are calm and when they are calm they are clear.  One can see all the way to the bottom.  However, when one brings his ego into the interaction, the waters are roiled, stirred, and all the silt and rocks and mud are stirred and one can never see past the surface.

And the answer to the problem is rarely near the surface. 

In Part III we complete the D.E.F.U.S.E. equation.  Until then, stay safe.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

May 5, 2009

BULLY BE GONE

In a recent post I appealed to damned near everybody to do their part in shutting down the Bully Train.  Parents, teachers, school administrators, bullies, victims and even those kids who stand by and not only watch their buddies get bullied, but sometimes even jeer the victim from the sidelines.  Over 65% of us have been bullied, but, in my estimation, well over 80% have been victims of bullying when you count the bully her or himself in the ranks of the victim, simply because, in the long run, even the bully ends up being scarred by his or her own actions.

Over 56% of bullies eventually end up in our prison and/or probation/parole rosters.  Bullies, just like their victims, get caught up on an endless mental and emotional treadmill; and, like their victims,  lead themselves by virtue of their own pathology into an emotional swamp filled with sleepless nights, drug and alcohol addiction and reliance on violence as a solution to many of life’s common dilemmas.

This post, then, is another likely unheeded plea to parents, teachers, police and kids themselves to take this issue seriously and to consciously act against its proliferation.

PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN

Parents might start with two main strategies.  (1) Talk with your child.  Ask germane questions and observe for signs of depression, sadness, a change in behavior and hygiene, etc. that might indicate he/she is trying to deal with the anguish and shame of being bullied.  Always be supportive.  Of course, if you do learn that your child is a victim (of either physical bullying in the school environment, or cyber or telephonic bullying, take action by talking with the school, perhaps the bully’s parents, etc.  (2)  Be a Safety Coach to your child.  Teach him or her how to stop a bully in his or her tracks.  Stop the bully the first time, you can stop the bully forever.  Not only that, bullies have a Grapevine.  If Bully #1 tests your child and he or she gets a “Free Lunch,” or an easy target, he will tell other bullies, and your child’s life will be miserable.  Not only that, your child will have etched a life pattern in steel and the chances are he or she will be a victim forever!

IN the next post I will present some effective counter-bully strategies that will work.  At least they have worked over 90% of the time in the past.  Until then, please Stay Safe.

Hammer

D.E.F.U.S.E. Workplace Violence Perpetrators.

A Truism.  Ninety-seven to ninety-eight percent of all confrontations with disruptive or even violent people can be resolved quickly, safely and effectively with the use of professional communications, or Pro Com, emblematic of the Advanced De-Escalation Techniques Program or paradigm I offer teachers, security staff, Human Services and Health Care Professionals, law enforcement officers and others.

Take a peek at the next couple posts and maybe –if you think my Primary Principles of Defusing Others makes sense – consider trying these techniques, principles and skills the next time you are confronted by one or more aggressive workers. patients,students or inmates in seemingly untenable situations, and I believe you will find – like I have in soooo many confrontational and potentially dangerous situations – that they will work just as well for you.

THE DEFUSE FORMULA

Don’t Lose Your Cool.  Depersonalize.  Deflect instead of Absorb Verbal Attacks.  Depreciate the Verbal Icon.

Encourage the person to vent.  Ego Suspension.

Find out the Facts.

Understand Feelings.

Slow Everything Down.

End on a Positive Note.

THE “D” IN “DEFUSE.”

Likely, I could write a book on how adhering to my “D” tenets could aide in any campaign to minimize Workplace Violence.  Let’s take a look at each separate “D.”

Don’t Lose Your Cool.  This is so simple and obvious that I can almost hear the “No Duh’s” as I type.  And I can’t really count how many times people have commented to me, “Hammer, this is just Common Sense—“ but, here’s a fact:  The rarest commodity in a crisis is Common Sense.  And, so it is with Keeping Your Cool.  Losing one’s cool in a critical situation is far more common than the crucial skills of staying cool when everyone else is “hot.”  Here are a few salient Tips On Keeping Your Cool:

• Slow Everything Down.  Take the time to consciously think of what is happening.  Rushing triggers the Primitive Brain, which is dominant when we make critical and stupid statements that trigger violence.  Slow everything down and allow your Neo Cortex, or Intelligent Brain. To go to work.  Slow down your speech, the way you walk, your approach.  Everything.
• Breathe.  Try Tactical or Cycle Breathing to slow down your heart rate and eliminate or reduce the (survival) stress hormones flooding your system.  Without oxygenated blood flowing to your brain you can’t possibly think and act in such a way and in such a manner as to de-escalate a out of control subject.

• Mirror Calm.  Yep.  I am asking you to fake, or act calm irrespective of how uncalm you might feel.  Your body, Central Nervous System and Heart Rate can be fooled just as easily as the subject to whom your are modeling calm.  Calm, like anger and fear, is communicable. 

DEPERSONALIZE.  Simple.  Do not take anything the subject says or does personally.  This principle lies at the very heart of your ability to de-escalate a person and/or a scene.  Keep your ego out of the interaction.  Stay professional at all times.  De-escalation, you see, is more an attitude, maybe even a belief system, than a cluster of esoteric techniques.  Identify and untrigger all those buttons or triggers the subject can push to get you upset.

DEFELECT.  Don’t, by all means, absorb (take it personally and allow it to influence how you respond) VAPS (Verbal Attack Patterns).  Instead deflect them.  Think like a power hitter and knock each one of them out of the park.  In order to do that the attitude you need to bring with you into every confrontational scenario is that your are going to absolutely and unemotionally going to—

DEPRECIATE THE VERBAL ICON.  Which is an esoteric way of saying simply that you are going to strip the attacker’s words of all power to affect you in any way.  Think of it.  What the attacker wants you to do is to value or “worship” his/her verbal attack. To give each profane and personally insulting word significance or weight.  And to do this, he/she is going to string together a series of personally offensive words in order to elicit a prescribed response on your part (in other words, to influence you to abandon your professionalism, to lose your cool).  Instead, you are going to disempower (another “D”) the (attacking) words and the attacker him or herself through the Art of Depreciation.

In the Next Post:  The “E” and “F” of DEFUSE.  Until then, please Stay Safe.