THE THREE GREAT ELEMENTS OF SELF DEFENSE

1. GET MENTALLY CONDITIONED – Conditioning yourself psychically is actually easier than it sounds.  Matter of fact, your mentality is one of the few things you can exercise control over before, during and after a physical confrontation with a predator, bully, abductor or assaultive attacker.  Also, understanding that there is an unmistakable and crucial connection between body and mind should motivate you to spend some private time getting your mind and body (spinal) tuned to fight to your maximum ability – or, in many cases, above what you now consider your maximum skill level.  Simply put, you can Spinal Tune (a Warrior Science term for being mentally conditioned) yourself by thinking actively, not reactively. Do this by forcing yourself  to be AWARE of your surroundings at all times, to sense (see, hear, smell, touch, your instincts) changes, subtle and major, around you.  You must make yourself ASSESS what you see, hear, smell, feel and sense.  Assess body language and trust what your instincts are telling you.  ANTICIPATE. Meaning, simply, you need to ask yourself questions (I’ve talked about playing the “What If Game” in previous blogs to tune your mind in your relaxation time in order to create a “Warrior’s Mind”) challlenging yourself to decide what you would do if a worse-case scenario exploded in your face.  Always have a Game Plan and even a Failure Plan.
2. MAD DOG IT. Consider these facts.  (A)  Self Defense Is Not an Injury Free Activity.  (B)  The Bad Guy’s strategy often involves hurting you immediately, scaring you and intimidating you immediately, and causing you humiliation straight off, so you will be frozen or cemented to the spot on which you are standing!  A rapist might order you to take off your shirt, blouse and/or dress/pants in order to”freeze you in humiliation.”  A man seeking to control you might slap you hard across the face to stun you and scare you into frozen surrender.  What I ask you to consider, if you choose to defend yourself, is to Mad Dog It. Reach deep inside you (see the last post) and find that Bad Ass Beast that lurks within you.  It is there inside me, I know. It is there inside you.  Mentally accept the fact that punches, kicks, grabs, slaps, and tackled are going to hurt like hell, but you can stand the pain.  You can prevail over the hurt and deflect the pain & the fear – cause you have no time to be reactionary.  Understand that, if need be, you can fight in a state of undress instead of feeling  embarrassed You only have time to shake it off and fight!
3. BE THE PAIN. Seconds after the strike, the slap, the attack, you have to realize that you are still alive, probably still standing.  I have done this.  I have mentally conditioned myself to take the pain and make it part of me, of my fighting agenda.  Believe me, there is hardly anything more liberating and empowering than that feeling!

Until the next post, stay safe.  “Okay, Now Your Spinal Tuned.  Now, Kick His Ass With the Fighting Arts.”

Hammer

In my Fighting Arts for Women classes the theme is always this:  Reverse the Predator/Prey Principle. Simply put, I advocate taking the attacker’s mind set and expectations and totally flipping the mentality upside down by invoking the Element of Surprise on our part!

In any “life or death fight” where one side is dramatically overmatched, I say, Surprise is probably the only thing that can change the game in the woman’s (or child or teen facing a predator, bully, etc) favor!  Think of this:  when a woman is attacked, more often than not, her attacker is larger, stronger, faster, armed, in the company of an accomplice, plus, is often prepared with an attack plan.  Not only that, the bad guy has often tracked his prey for minutes, hours, days, sometimes months.  He has given this attack a lot of thought, even to the point of waiting to assault you in an environment with poor lighting, poor footing, and in a space where his victim has little room to escape or fight.

OKAY, ALREADY.  WE GOT THE IDEA:  WE’RE SCREWED!  SO, WHAT THE HECK TO WE DO?

Good question.  A little tempremental, but, still, good question.  What you do – what you must do – is do the unexpected. Believe it or not, you have an edge.  Not a big one, but an edge nevertheless.  And what is that Edge you have?

The Bad Guy’s Expectations.

In 97 to 98% of the attack scenarios, the bad guy expects you to be meek, to surrender without a fight, to beg for your life.  He often gets off on your fear, on the look of terror in your eyes. That look of “recognition” that you are the prey about to be dragged into an isolated corner of the world so the predator can torment and torture you until he finally rapes, robs and murders you.

INVOKE S.N.E.A.K.!

Open up a big can of Whoop-Ass on the monster by using the element of surprise.  Sensei Michael Pace used the acronym “SNEAK” to describe the process.

Surprise is the first and most important element.  Surprise is activated by fulfilling the bad guy’s expectations initially, and, then, suddenly exploding in his face!

Non-Violent is the 2nd element.  Before counter-attacking, you must appear non-violent.

Explode is the 3rd element.  You must “explode” from non-violent to ultra-violent in a split second.  When you explode, go nuts, liberate the beast.  You are all over his ass!

Aggressive:  Incorporate an aggressive attitude.  No longer a nice girl.

Knock the Bad Guy out of the fight.

Okay, you might be saying, that’s nice, but how the hell do I do this? In the next few posts I will be going over a few strategems, but, how about trying this one on for size?

The Bad Guy approaches with that “look” in his eyes.  Despite your protests he steps into your space.  Your gut instincts are screaming at you to get the hell out of there, but when you try to move he blocks your exit.  You know for sure you are about to be attacked in some way.  Put both hands up in front of your face, palms facing the guy’s face – the universal “Compliance Stance” – and you even “beg” him to let you go.

Then, suddenly, you bend your knees for power and drive both hands hard and fast into his head, driving up as if trying to knock his head off of his shoulders.  Before he knows what is happening, his head snaps back and he is off-balance and all his Primary Targets are open for a follow-up strike!  There are no apologies or excuses in self defense:  Show No Mercy and hit those open targets with everything you have until it is safe for you to escape.

Even if the Bad Guy has one of your hands under control.  Use your free hand and go for his head.  No head can withstand the power of your entire body.

This will work.

Until the next post, stay safe.

The Hammer

But, here’s the dealio.  If ever you face an attacker, before the debilitating element of fear sets in and paralyzes you, first you must get your ass in gear!  You see, this chi or ki is there, but it cannot be released like some ancient genie by simply rubbing in some arcane manner on your center.  It is up to you to have the courage, fortitude and willingness to get yourself  in action ASAP!

Your ki/chi works like the ignition of a car – from nothing to full throttle, according to Gervasi.  Instant power and energy!  Explosion from the inside-out!  But, like the key in the ignition of a powerful automobile, you must first turn it on!

TURNING THAT KEY

So, how do we explode from the inside out?  How do we pull our energy and power source to the surface?   Actually it is dog crap simple.  Release your power and energy right from the get-go.  Get moving and use the sheer power of “fierce and immediate movement from the core of your fighting spirit (which is within every one of us).”  Get moving and turn that ignition key.  In other words, instead of standing there frozen, trying to analyze what the attacker is saying and/or about to do, you need to Do Something Now! When you act definitively and immediately, you do several things that will help you pevail:

• You invoke the Element of Surprise.
• You get the attacker back on his/her feet & weaken his potential attack.
• You transcend the debilitating element of “Fear.”
• You flood your body with Stress Hormones and take advantage of an Adrenale Dump, which empowers you to fight harder and better, to run faster, to endure injuries and pain.
• And, finally, it empowers you to Unleash That Animal – that Beast – Inside!

Deep inside you, in a place where you must go mentally, is a beast.  It has been there for 250,000,000 years.  Give yourself the permission to grab onto it and become it. Yes, BECOME THE BEAST!  Turn that fear into sheer energy and power.

1. When your gut instincts tell you something is wrong, believe it always!
2. Breathe.  Get oxygenated blood flowing to your brain.
3. Move now.  Do something:

• Put some distance between you and him.
• Put a barrier or barricade between you and him.
• Say something.  “Stay back!”  “Nine-one-one!”  “What do you want?”  “I don’t have time for this!erbal SelfDefense (more on that in a later post).”
• Verbalizing also serves the purpose of unlocking that hold fear might have on you, plus, it let’s the goofball who is threatening you know that you are not going to allow him to intimidate or bully you.  Use Verbal Self Defense (more on VSD in a later post).
• Have an idea ahead-of-time, what you will do, if he gets aggressive, and, then, do it!
• By all means, keep moving.  Don’t allow yourself to be cemented to the floor when he attacks!
• If possible, strike first and use the element of suprise!

In the next post:  Using the element of surprise with your first strike!

Until then, stay safe.

Hammer

January 31, 2010

WINOLOGY 101 – KICK THE PERVERT’S ASS USING IMPROVISED WEAPONS!

We talked about using the element of surprise is the last two posts.  Comes the time to talk about using whatever it is that you happen to have handy when the pervert jumps in your face and expects you to fold like a $2 pup tent in a hurricane.

Improvised Weapons are at times better than real weapons per se (guns, knives, impact weapons) simply because when you are the victim of a spontaneous, close quarter surprise attack, your “real” weapon is likely not available, even, at times, if you are a cop (in my Spontaneous Knife Defense classes we assume that an officer will NOT be able to draw his weapon when attacked by a Bad Guy with an edged weapon).

WHATEVER IS IN THY HANDS CEASES TO EXIST

Predators love to attack women and children who have both hands full of items and/or who are first going in or first coming out of a location (that is when they are most distracted).  It is essential that you stay as focused as possible at all times.  If you are ever attacked with articles in your hands, my philosophy is that you must release whatever it is, so your hands are free to defend yourself, to fight!  However, if you have any of the following items in your hand, you are in possession of a deadly Improvised Weapon (IW)!

• Dog leash;
• Camera;
• Cell Phone;
• Wallet;
• Purse;
• Hard Backed Book or Soft Backed Book;
• Newspaper;
• Travel Mug;
• DVD Case;
• I-Pod;
• I-Phone;
• Car Keys;
• Spatula;
• Umbrella;
• Notebook;
• Handful of Coins;
• Pencil or Pen;
• Hatpin;
• Eyeglasses Case;
• Makeup Compact;
• Fix-A-Flat Spray Can (or, any kind of Hairspray Can).
• Icescraper;
• Magicmarker;
• Kubaton, or Another type of wooden or plastic key-holder.

Believe it or not, there are many other types of ordinary, every-day things that can be used as weapons.  I just don’t have the time or space to go into all of them.  I’m sure your imagination will work for you now that you understand the principle.  Damned near anything hard or even soft can be used to hurt an attacker, or, at the very least, distract him so that you can escape.

For instance, you probably carry a cell phone at all times.  Great!  If you have one nearby, take hold of it. Don’t hold it like you would a weapon.  If you do that, the Bad Guy will know what is coming and he can easily block your strike, etc.  Hold it as you normally would , but allow it to slide into the heel of your hand for counterpressure.  It does no good for you to hit the bad guy with it if it is going to fly out of your hand.  Now strike with the hard edge of it against your other hand.  You can feel how powerful that would be as a weapon.  Now, all you have to do, if you are ever confronted is to hold it low and innocuously so he will not even focus on the phone as a weapon.  More likely than not, the Bad Guy will close the distance, and, at the right moment drive that cell phone up through his Blind Spot (the space between his chest and his throat) and drive it into his throat.  Try it on yourself – just a touch, a soft touch at that – and you’ll see it fits perfectly.  The throat is the best target possible because the Bad Guy will likely drop like Toyota stock, but there are other targets, once you gain the edge.

IDEAL CELL PHONE TARGETS

• Jaw
• Forearms
• Hands
• Ears
• Eyes
  
• Side of Neck (Brachial Plexus Nerve Motor Point)
• Clavicles (Shoulder Blades)
• Jaw Bone
• Nose
• Back Of Head
• Groin.

One more thing.  Essential to converting an everyday item into an impact weapon is speed and explosiveness.  You have to explode into the attack with wicked suddenness and evil intentions!  You cannot be reluctant to use it.  Hit hard.  Remember S.N.E.A.K., the formula for success:

Surprise

Non-Violent (the key is to appear non-violent).

Explode (into the target)

Aggressive

Knock the Bad Guy out of the fight!

Stay Safe

Hammer

In case you did not read my post yesterday – “Load Surprise into your Self Defense Game Plan, Part I” – The Element of Surprise is a staple for any predator’s attack plan.  It may come in the form of a distraction, such as asking you a seemingly harmless question, or dressing like a lawyer or a businessman and/or acting like a child’s uncle or preacher, or teacher until the horrifying second where he turns from a benevolent spirit into an abject minster

Well, how about turning the tables on this jerk by using the same strategy against him?  How do we do this?  By reacting to him the way his – The Predator – psychology expects his victim to respond.  Simply put, the bad guy in many cases is confronting you because he – for whatever reason – sees an opportunity for an easy score.  Therefore, most likely, he has marked you as a victim, and, after testing you by trailing you or asking a few questions, he is now in your face because he expects you to cave.  The way I see it, you have two good options here. Actually, three (it is just that the third, giving up, saying nothing, and begging for your life, while still your choice to make, is unacceptable to this blog post.

1. Immediately, upon recognizing that the Bad Guy is organizing an attack upon you, tell him to “Stay Back (or some other statement of outrage and verbal direction)!”; get into a fighting stance and prepare to defend yourself.
2. Try to keep your distance so he can’t grab or assault you, tell him to lay off you, now! But prepare a survival strategy.  If he grabs you, use a Surprise Counterattack.

THE SURPRISE EQUATION, PART I. BUILD UP THE BAD GUY’S EXPECTATIONS. The best way to Reverse the Predator-Prey Syndrome (where you become the predator and he suddenly becomes the prey) is to build up his confidence that his plan will succeed and allow him to relax his guard (false sense of security).  So, what does the Bad Guy expect?  Simple.  He expects you to “fight like a girl, “ whch, when translated, means he expects you not to fight, or, if you do, to lash out aimlessly and powerlessly.  So, Part I of this “Surprise Equation” means you will initially act as if you are terrified and have no idea what to do after, and only after, he grabs you, strikes you, etc.

THE SURPRISE EQUATION, PART II. PHYSICAL ACTING JOB. This is a key to the whole strategy.  After he grabs you, pulls you closer, or grabs you and attempts tio pull you into an alley, car, or other secluded spot, your initial physical act is orchestrated to influence him to lower his guard and contribute to his own failure.  A few Examples of this:

• The predator grabs you by the wrists or arms and starts dragging you toward an alley.  Your first action is to do what he expects, and that is to pull away and lean back as you do.  This ties in to his expectations and he will – believing that his arm strength is far superior to yours – try to break your foolish resistance by pulling you as hard as he can toward himself.
• The predator grabs you by the throat and/or shirt or hair and pulls you in close to him.  He expects you to melt in fear.  Allow yourself to be pulled in close (as much as this will be frightening) and appear to go limp.  Feign crying and lay your head on his shoulder or neck, which is what he wants you to do.  Chances are this will influence him to relax his guard a bit because this is what his “fantasy scenario” had scripted you to do.
• The predator grabs you by the shirt, neck or hair but does not pull you close.  Instead, he keep you at arm’s length and makes a fist as if about to punch you.  Appear to submit.  Raise both hands in a Beg-For-Mercy Stance, waving both hands, palms outward in front of your face.

THE SURPRISE EQUATION PART III.  THE S.N.E.A.K. ATTACK! The SNEAK Attack is where the surprise explodes in the Bad Guy’s Face.  For instance, in the first scenario above, you have pulled away, knowing that the Bad Guy is stronger.  When he uses his superior power to pull you toward him, use all his power to propel you into his Center-Line Targets (eyes, nose, throat, solar plexus, stomach, groin).  Chances are good that he will not be prepared to block as he will be taken by surprise and he will be set back on his heels.  Deliver as many strikes as fast as possible to open targets using your hands, head (butt), knees and feet.  In the second scenario, once the Bad Guy pulls you close, he has put you in position to be the predator, no longer the prey.  Go limp, maybe whimper, and, now, take the hand closest to his face and place it on his opposite shoulder.  Quickly, and without warning (duhhh), hook your fingers inside his jawbone and drive your thumb hard into his eyes.  If you succeed, he will undoubtably release his hold on you, at which time you need to nail him in the groin with a knee, and, after you gain some space, hit whatever Primary Targets (Groin, Eyes, Throat, Knees, Nose) as often as possible.

The third scenario is a dangerous one, but he has you in a perfect position for a choke or a punch to the face.  The Bad Guy expects you to submit and to beg you not to hit him.  This is why I have asked you to assume the “Compliance Stance (Please Don’t Hit Me).”  From the compliance stance, beg the Bad Guy not to hit you, while slowly taking your strong hand and place it over top of his hand – the one that is holding you.  Now, quickly, tighten your grip and secure his restraining hand to your body while simultaneously driving a Palm Heel Strike to the attacker’s face with the same side hand as the one that is restraining you.  This will work because there is no way that he can block the incoming strike because his blocking hand is tied up.  Keep hold of his hand and, now, drive your shin or knee into his groin or another target.

Part III< Improvised Weapon Surprise.  Until then, Stay Safe

Hammer

LOAD “SURPRISE” INTO YOUR SELF DEFENSE GAME PLAN, PART I.

This post was originally supposed to be for parents who wish to teach their children skills to stop the bully in his or her tracks. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the following self defense tactics and skills will work for anyone who might be required to defend her or himself against anyone who has arrogantly invaded his or her personal space and is posturing as if he or she is about to attack.

When we talk self defense, the element of surprise is essential. Remember, we are not talking about a competitive contest in a dojo or an arena overseen by a referee or a master instructor. What we are talking about is a spontaneous, close quarter life and death struggle in an environment usually selected by the attacker, who is a pernicious predator who has painstakingly planned out the assault. Likely, your attacker(s) has the following advantages:

v He/she is bigger and stronger.

v He/she has a distinct plan.

v He/she is armed with one or more (deadly) weapons.

v He/she has you *outnumbered (*when the attacker has a plan and the victim does not, the victim is already outnumbered).

v The attacker will choose the time and space of his/her attack so that the lighting is subdued, there are no witnesses, and the victim has little or no ability to move (tactically).

v The predator will almost always(98%)precede his/her attack with a slick distraction designed to get the victim looking in another direction (than at him or her) so that his or her (the prospective victim’s) focus is fractured and his/her ability to defend him or herself (against the predator) is radically weakened.

v In other words, despite all the other advantages he/she already has, the bully, sexual predator, abductor, or violent criminal, still relies mostly on The Element of Surprise to overcome his or her victim!

My point, exactly. I have no reluctance and zero hesitation to say that Surprise (ALONG WITH SPEED) is going to be your key, irrespective of your age, size, or gender to successfully defending yourself against anybody who threatens your safety, maybe even your life. Ergo in two subsequent posts, we’re going to discuss how to manifest this great element in your self defense arsenal. Used properly and with great commitment, surprise will reverse the predator-prey principle and set the bad guy back on his (or, her) heels!

SURPRISE AND SPEED KILLS!

So, what do I mean by surprise? Maybe an example will help. Have you ever been walking in the woods, perhaps your mind is lost in thought about something or someone you care about, are troubled about, and, bam, with a rush of wings flapping and bushes bursting, a covey of pheasants, or a turkey, explodes from the brush around you? It has happened to me, and, let me tell you, your heart feels like it stops, you freeze, and you can hardly breathe. Or, you are coming through a door, once again, your mind on something far away, and, bam, someone else is standing in the doorway. Someone you didn’t expect to see. Once again, you stop breathing, your mouth falls agape, and you may even stumble backwards, off balance.

I have just described exactly what” surprise” does to a person who is unaware and who is suddenly and unexpectedly confronted by a predator.

In the next two posts, though, I will tell you exactly how to Reverse the Predator-Prey Syndrome and make the Bad Guy hold his breath and stumble backwards.

Until then, Stay Safe.

Hammer

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PARENTS: BE YOUR CHILD’S BULLY-BE-GONE SAFETY COACH!

Sheesh, Readers, talk about a frigging writer’s block. I wrote Part I of this 2-part post back on December 19. Over a month ago. If you’ve read me before, thanks for hanging in there. If you are a first-time reader, welcome. Enough already. Let’s get on with what I think are some valuable, easy-to-learn, easy-to-maintain, easy-to-perform under stress in real situation Fighting Arts that you can teach your children at home. Teach them these arts and I damn near guarantee your child will be able to:

1. Prevent the bully from selecting him or her as a victim.
2. Delay and discourage even the preliminary stages of a physical attack.
3. But, if the attack comes, repel the assault and easily escape and evade injury

STEP 1. (RE) READ PART I. The 12/19 article suggested some key steps, including taking on the role of your child’s Safety Coach and teaching him or her Tough Target Skills that, if adopted, will create an aura that will not make him an easy target for bullying.

STEP 2. NEGOTIATE A PLEDGE FROM YOUR CHILD that he is willing to do whatever it takes, within reason, of course, to make a bully go away. After all, Bully-Be-Gone Tactics requires, more than even ability, a readiness and WILLINGNESS to do what it takes. Standing up to a bully, after all, takes courage, make no mistake. Taking a pledge from your son or daughter that they will take their training seriously and commit themselves to it, is a very, very big step toward achieving the ultimate goal, which is to make the bully go away, forever (and, oh, how liberating a feeling that will be!)

STEP 3. MAKE THIS TRAINING A FAMILY DEFENSE PLAN. Make standing up for oneself and defending oneself family values.

STEP 4. PARENTS, BE SAFETY COACHES. If you read Step 1, you know this. If you did not, read it now.

STEP 5. DEVELOP AND TEACH FROM A LESSON PLAN OF FIGHTING SKILLS. Make sure the skills you arrive at are simple, easy to learn, based on symmetrical, gross motor skills, are easily doable under stress, and, since many of these might be exercised in the school environment where a zero-violence policy exists, injury-friendly.

HAMMER’S BULLY-BE-GONE COUNTER-BULLY SUCCESS FORMULA

1. BREATHE DON’T FREEZE!. Teach your child that the first thing they need to do when attacked is to fight the natural urge to freeze and hold his or her breath. 98% of victims do this, which is why they are victims. Tactical breathing sends oxygenated blood to the brain.
2. VERBALIZE. Nine out of 10 victims not only freeze but say nothing as the bully invades his or her space. Tell the bully that you intend to stand up for yourself. Ask him to step back; tell him to step back and then warn him to get back before you counter attack.
3. CONTROL YOUR SPACE. Personal space is a fighting issue and the bully will attempt to immediately Depreciate the Victim by stepping in to his or her PSZ (Personal safe Zone). Breathe, Talk, Establish a Balanced Ready Stance, and Move is the correct sequence here.

Ø Breathe

Ø “”George, I told you, get back!”

Ø Balanced posture, strong foot back, knees bent, eye contact and weak hand up near face.

Ø Move diagonally to maintain your distance (5 to 6’).

1. HAVE A GAME PLAN. Teach your child some reasonable escape and evasion tactics. Key here is your child needs to have a number 1 plan of action as well as a back-up plan (failure plan). Once he or she loads the plan in his or her brain, he or she is Spinal Tuned for action. If she/he has no plan, there is a good chance he or she will freeze like a deer in the headlights when an attack comes).
2. LOAD “SURPRISE” INTO THE GAME PLAN. Especially if your child is not well physically equipped for dominating a fight, surprise is a key to victory. A few notes about “surprise” at the end of this article.
3. SET THE BAD GUY BACK ON HIS/HER HEELS. Take the fight to the bully before he can take the first swing! The bully has chosen your kid, most likely because she or he feels your kid is an easy target. Invoke “Surprise” by taking the initiative. Knowing when to “take the fight to the bully” is a key, of course:

Ø AFTER THE BAD GUY THREATENS YOU.

Ø AFTER THE BULLY SHOVES YOU.

IØ AFTER THE BAD GUY POKES YOU WITH HIS OR HER FINGER (IN THE CHEST).

Ø AFTER THE BULLY DISREGARDS YOUR REQUEST TO “STAY BACK.” IF AND WHEN THE BULLY STARTS STRIDING TOWARD YOU WITH MENACING BODY LANGUAGE!

1. USE REALISTIC AND EFFECTIVE ESCAPE & EVASION TACTICS:

Ø KEEP MOVING, HANDS UP.

Ø MIRROR CALM. LOOK FEROCIOUS, THINK FEROCIOUS. DO NOT COMMUNICATE FEAR.

Ø TIE THE BULLY UP (MAKE SURE TO GET YOUR ARMS ABOVE HIS/HERS).

Ø ONCE YOU HAVE HIM TIED UP, DRIVE YOUR TOE HARD SEVERAL TIMES INTO HIS/HER LOWER SHINS.

Ø THIS WILL MAKE HIM LOOSEN OR DROP HIS GRIP ON YOU. “OPEN HIS DOOR” BY PLACING YOUR WEAK HAND ON HIS OPPOSITE SHOULDER AND YOUR STRONG HAND ON THAT HIP AND SHOVE DOWNWARD AND BACK AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE.

Ø STEP THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR AND GET OUT OF DODGE.

Next Post: The Element of Surprise and Bully-Be-Gone.

Until then, Stay Safe.

HAMMER

December 19, 2009

BULLY-BE-GONE!  PART I – WHAT CAN YOU DO AS A PARENT?

Not that I haven’t talked about this issue before, but, Hell’s Bells, readers, bullying is not only not going away, but, doesn’t it seem to you that it’s getting worse and worser?  I mean, a gang of bullies sets a teenager on fire!  And, in my area here, big kids are still beating on weaker kids; and when they get tired of beating on the weak, they recruit more bullies and attack the not-so-weak.

Fact is, bullying is an all too common form of violence in our society.  I’d estimate that over 30% of students are either bullies or victims.  And, parents, I could go into a lot more stats re bullying.  Its pernicious effects on both the victim and the bully. The psychological scars it leaves on the victim, scars that never, ever go away.

But, as a parent of a child who is getting bullied, do you really truly care about statistics?, I think not.  At least I wouldn’t.  “Just tell me what the hell to do, Dickwad,” is what I’d be saying.

So, okay, okay, I’ll tell you.  And I’ll start from the beginning, just in case you suspect something is awry, but you’re not sure what.  First of all, you need to be aware. Staying tuned in to your child is a big first step.  Don’t expect him or her to confide in you what is going on unless your child feels that you are tuned in and simpatico.

1. BE AWARE AND SIMPATICO RE YOUR CHILD.
2. BE AWARE OF CHANGES IN HIS/HER ATTITUDE AND/OR BEHAVIOR. For instance, a child who normally does well in school, maybe even enjoys going to school, suddenly becomes reluctant to go, maybe even gets withdrawn, depressed.  Stops doing homework.
3. ASK COGENT QUESTIONS. Mayhap not straight out “Hey, are you getting bullied? questions, but questions that show an interest in what is really happening at school.  Who is she/he hanging with.  Try not to let the child get away with vague answers.
4. ONCE YOUR SUSPICIONS ARE CONFIRMED (even if your child doesn’t clearly admit he/she is being bullied, but your suspicions are realistic, reasonable and based on an “educated intuition). CONTACT THE SCHOOL AND LET THEM KNOW.
5. TAKE ON THE ROLE OF YOUR CHILD’S SAFETY COACH. Trust me on this, you can teach your kid great counter bullying skills and techniques at home.  I do a great Bully Be Gone class, but, even when I teach that course I let the parents know that my class cannot be truly effective unless they follow-up with some support at home.  Safety Caches can teach their child some really effective skills that have worked for other children, or Would-Be Victims, including:

• TOUGH TARGET ATTITUDES. Attitude is damn near everything when it comes to discouraging a bully from even choosing your child as a victim!  In the case where your child has already been a repetitive victim, this is going to be harder, but it can work.  TTA manifest themselves when you teach your child to:
  • Walk/stride confidently, swinging your arms freely (the freer and more natural the swing the less fearful). Believe me or not, oftentimes, when you can get your child to physically mimic or replicate the attitudes and mannerisms of a Tough Target Kid, it actually inculcates and absorbs into the psyche of the youngster.  Your kid can actually convince him/herself, along with the potential bully, that he IS a Tough target Kid!
  • Scan your environment with your eyes.
  • Stand Up For Yourself. Tell the bully, “Hey, I don’t appreciate what you just said.”
  • LOOK BORED, DISINTERESTED, DEPRECIATE THE VERBAL ICON! Okay, so the bully needs to see fear in your child’s eyes.  Too bad for this numnutz.  Teach your child to Depreciate whatever the bully does or says.  By depreciating his/her words (The Verbal Icon) and/or actions, your child will be empowering him/herself while disempowering the Bully! Oftentimes, the bully will break off any planned attack.  Often, this might piss off the bully, but the child who seems disinterested and uneffected by the bully will put the bully back on his or her heels, and, all that needs too be done, is quickly distract the child, make a quick move, and get out of Dodge (see Part II).
  • SOFT EYE CONTACT. See more in Part II, but Soft Eyes restricts eye contact to an invisible triangle from the upper cheeks to the chin.  This way your child can see any movements by the hands, arms, and torso.
  • Don’t Let the Bully Back You Up. Teach your kid to protect his/her space. Do not allow the bully to invade his or her Personal Safe Zone (3-4’ in).  Teach your child to move diagonally (J-Step) to keep his or her space, but, at some point, it is up to your child to tell the bully to “Stay back!”
  • VERBALIZE. The Bully, like many other predators, is seeking to find fear in your kid’s eyes.  The bully may be posturing for an audience to prop himself, his image, up.  If your child stays silent, the bully is spurred on.  Teach your kid to verbalize in three stages:
  • Ask. “Hey, Andy, c’mon,  How about letting me go to class.  We can do this later, if you still want.”
  • Tell:  “Andy, I don’t appreciate being called that.”
  • Command.  “That’s it.  Get back.  Now!”

• TEACH YOUR CHILD THE FIGHTING ARTS. Tune in for Part II, where I will talk about some reasonable and easily doable (as well as easy-to-teach) skills designed to Stop The Bully In His Tracks.

Until then, Stay Safe

Hammer

November 28, 2009

YOSEMITE NIGHTMARE – Using the Fighting Arts to Stop A Raging Killer.

You might’ve caught my November 25 post  – A Yosemite Nightmare – in which I talked about the park handyman who slaughtered four women (actually, I only detailed three murders; a fourth woman was attacked and decapitated in a separate attack) in maybe the most grisly way possible.  The point of the article was that the women disobeyed their gut instincts and allowed the handyman inside their cabin, then exacerbated their error by believing the psycho when he promised that they would not be harmed if they cooperated.  Went along with The Program. Of course, if you’ve been reading any of my posts regarding Self Defense for Women or Children (one of the victims was only 14), you know what The Program they will be going along with.

Humiliation, Torture Then Death is The Program.

So, I hope you’re wondering, if you were ever in a situation like this – maybe a Home Invasion, maybe a person you had trusted is now in an enclosed environment and he turns out to be a rabid wolf instead of your husband’s Best Friend, or, you and two of your women/girlfriends are coeds at a college and you’ve been invited to a special party, and the Special Party turns out to be just one horny and violent man and, well, you – what exactly do you do?

First and foremost, it is up to you.  The Number One Principle in Self Defense (For Women, Children, especially) is that Being Willing To Fight Back is more important than being able! In the Yosemite Park scenario no one knows if any of the 3 women were able to fight their killer, but we do know for sure that they were not willing. And being unwilling, when the spontaneous close quarter attack explodes in your face, translates into you and your friends freezing like statues (or deer in the headlights)and becoming ideal immovable victims!  Even if you have the ability to fight, once your mind and body is flooded by stress hormones, you are cooked, unless, of course, you—-

v      HAVE A SURVIVAL PLAN. In the business, we call this Spinal Tuning. Think ahead  and commit yourself to a plan of action, if an attack should occur.  In the Yosemite situation, if the women decided they were going to allow the handyman in to their lodge (never should they have selected this option, but let’s say the lodge verified that he was an employee and they let him in, before they might have committed themselves to the plan, if the worse case scenario went down), each needed to simply say, if this happens, I will do that and Be Willing To immediately and unhesitatingly carry out that plan when the shit hits the fan!

v      HIT THE “FIGHTING ARTS NOW” BUTTON IMMEDIATELY AND GO FOR BROKE, BABY!

• Make sure you Breathe Tactically so we can get oxygenated blood to the brain.
• There are 3 of you.  3. Either bunch up for a feeling of unity and safety, or stay in different areas of the room, so the asshole can’t cover you all with his gun (yes, he had a gun).
• Make noise and attack!  The asshole is after compliant, quiet victims.  That is why he chose you in the first place.  Get him back on his heels by attacking from different directions, throwing objects through the windows (Destroy The Environment, Baby!) so the Bad Guy knows that others in the area will know an attack is going down, which is the very last thing he wants.  Make him want to break off the attack, even though now he cannot.
• Make Your Attack Count. Three women, even if none have The Ability to fight, can reek havoc on one man.  Even if he has a gun.  If you work it right, you can make The Counterattack really work.  How?

1. Hit him from different directions.
2. Hit his “High Dollar Targets.” Limit his ability to see, to move, to breathe.  Stop him right now!  Gouge his eyes; kick his knees out; drive something into his throat!  There are 3 of you, so one of you throw something over his head (a sheet or a coat) from behind, so his ability to see anything is gone; then hit the floor behind him and have one of your friends push him over you.  Once on the floor he is yours!
3. Speed, power and multiplicity means do not delay, explode into every strike, gouge, kick.  Shed any age old compunctions you might have about hurting another human being, understanding that now he has shed his disguise and now he is a stone, cold killer and his Program he wants you to go along with calls for humiliation (ties you up and sexually assaults you), torture and death! Power means that what you hit – his Targets – all cause him to stop what he is doing and reflexively grab himself there .  Multiplicity means that you never stop fighting until there is nothing left to fight!  Comprende?

>     BE TARGET AND TASK FOCUSED.  DO NOT ALLOW FEAR TO SLOW YOU DOWN! I always advise my students to focus only on the targets he or she needs to hit.  Be Task Oriented.  This means learning what your best personal weapons are and how to use them against the assailants open targets! I also point out that when the Bad Guy engages you with one or both hands, he has no or limited ability to block incoming strikes or gouges to his vital targets (knees, eyes, throat, groin).

And, finally, what about the handgun the Bad Guy is wielding? Great question.  Since this is the Yosemite situation, let me again point out that there are 3 of you and he can only shoot one, maybe two of you before you get to him.  Sounds bad, I know, but consider this:  In the real scenario, the handyman tied up, tortured and killed all 3.  Plus, the gun was not loaded.  Here are some things to think about:

1. Even if you are shot, chances are better than 60% you will not die from your wound, if help can be retrieved within an hour.
2. Under stress – and the killer is under stress, also – it is not easy to hit a moving target.  Chances are better than 45% that, if you move fast and use barricades (furniture in the room, etc), you will not be hit, or, if hit, may be able to avoid a hit to a vital target.
3. Guns and knives are brandished against victims because they instill great trepidation, fear and usually gain cooperation.  If and when the assailant brandishes a deadly weapon for this reason, he is not always immediately willing and able to use it, meaning a quick counterattack can render that weapon almost inoperable,  In the Yosemite case, the gun was not even loaded!

Stay Safe Until My Next Post.

Hammer

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

October 16, 2009

ESCAPE AND EVADE THE CHILD-ABDUCTOR DAMN NEAR EVERY TIME, PART II

In the last post we talked about the importance of teaching your child how to trust his or her gut feelings (“The Creeps”) so he/she can mark the potential adult predator before he invades your child’s PSZ (Personal Safety Zone, or, Hula Hoop Space). We also talked about what to do when your kid is confronted with the adult predator and running away might not be your child’s best option.

The tactical core of Counter Abduction Tactics (CAT), or Kid Escape (founded ny John Hall) is to force the abductor to spend more time at the Initial Crime Scene (ICS) than he wants to. A simple plan, this, but an effective one. Every minute, no, every second, the predator must spend in the ICS beyond what he had originally planned on is agonizing to the molester. Think of it: this adult miscreant knows who he is and what he is. He knows he is a pariah who cannot afford to get caught doing the unthinkable act he needs to do. There is this immutable clock in his head that is ticking louder and louder each second more he is delayed. The louder we can make that clock tick, the more confused and distracted and desperate he becomes. This is also why I urge my students to do whatever he or she can to stay in the Initial Crime Scene!

Even if it means getting injured, even severely, stay in the Initial Crime Scene. At least the child knows that an ambulance will be able to locate him or her there, whereas he or she will never be found in the isolated Secondary Crime Scene.

KID ESCAPE DELAYING TACTICS

1. Run while looking at the Predator.
2. Use Barricades in the Environment to Delay the Attacker.
3. Destroy the Environment (See the post from 10/15/09).
4. “Your Shirt Is On Fire.” One of the games we play in CAT and one of the games Safety Coaches (parents) can play. Quickly drop to the ground as if your shirt is on fire and roll as if you are trying to put the fire out. Adults have a tough time catching a kid who does this.
5. “Pole Dance For Your Life.” Kid Escape was designed as a survival technique when a woman who was being abducted reached out and grabbed a telephone pole and latched on with both legs, feet, arms and hands. The men who were trying to throw her into a van were unable to unlatch her and drove off out of fear they would be caught. Teach your child, as I do, to grab hold of whatever is around them and hold on for dear life. Yes, the Bad Guy might try to beat the child and may even hurt the child, but as John Hall says, “Self Defense is not an injury free endeavor.” Kids have been able to save themselves from being abducted by latching on to their bikes with hands, feet, arms and legs, putting their heads down and forcing the Bad Guy to try to lift them and the bike. Hard to do. Thousands of children have been abducted from their own beds with their parents only a few yards away. Teach them to save themselves by latching on to a bed post, a chair, anything and curling up in a ball and screaming as loud as they can! Play the “Pole Dance Game” with them. It’s fun, too. You’ll be surprised how imaginative your kids can be.
6. THE CRAB WALK. After playing “Shirt on Fire,” have your child face the Bad Guy (Role Play) place the palms of both hands on the floor, raise his or her butt and quickly crab walk backwards away from the Bad Guy. Scramble away as quickly as possible. It is possible, by doing this, the child can cause the Bad Guy even more of a delay at the ICS and possibly make that Internal Clock tick even louder. He might break off the attack. As with all evasive tactics, teach your child to make as much noise as possible.
7. ACT INSANE. Sexual Predator/Abductors target normal kids. You know, quiet, nice, courteous, considerate. Normal. So, screw it; teach your child (give him or her permission under special circumstances) to act crazy. You know: Loud, profane, nasty, moving around non-stop, hands and fists pumping, staring at the Bad Guy. Crazy!

NEXT POST: WHAT YOUR CHILD CAN DO IF AND WHEN THE PREDATOR GRABS HIM/HER AND TRIES TO CARRY HIM/HER OFF.

Until then, Stay Safe.

Hammer