THE PREDATOR PREY PRINCIPLE

EYE CONTACT is not an incidental element of the Fighting Arts.  Often, eye contact can be the difference between being attacked and being passed over as a victim.  Interview the potential predator who doesn’t select you as a victim, he will likely not be able to cite why he graded you as a Hard Target, but he might admit that deep down in his miscreant soul his instincts indeed were disquieted, 

And this is the feeling you want to engender in any person who is thinking about attacking you.  An uneasy feeling about you.  Who cares if he or she can’t quite put their finger on the reason.  Long as he goes on his way, seeking out an Easy Target.

Read Lt. Colonel David Grossman’s On Killing and you can read this combat expert’s treatise on eye contact.  Soldiers in WWI and II were often want to fire their weapons when their enemy were charging directly at them.  More likely than not, they would fire only when their enemy turned their back and tried to flee. 

For my part, I have been teaching what I call the Predator-Prey-Principle for several decades to law enforcement officers.  Relentless but Indirect Eye Contact, I insist, is a key to keeping one’s enemy at bay.  I direct surgical training drills that encourage officers to maintain indirect eye contact down range until the threat is known to be over by virtue of overwhelming evidence!

Relentless, Indirect Eye Contact means that the officer never looks at his or her firearm or Intermediate Weapon when he/she draws or holsters it. Never looks away from down range until he knows for sure his foe has either been vanquished or disappeared.

WHY RELENTLESS AND INDIRECT?

If you have the guts, I challenge you to prove the Predator Prey Principle in real life.  I have done this and it has worked every time.  When I am running and I see a person walking his/her dog, I will run to within about 50-yards of the dog (as I am running toward the dog, there is no noticeable change in the dog’s pace).  Suddenly I will turn my back on the dog and begin to run the other way – without changing my pace at all.  Inevitable, without exception, the dog will begin chasing me despite the verbal admonitions of its owner, and will chase me until I turn around to face it again. 

Best I can figure, Hammer Fans, is, by averting your eyes and/or showing your back to the dog you are actually triggering the Predator-Instinct in the dog!  Same thing happens to the type of man who would physically and/or sexually assault you.  When he is sizing you up, he is scanning for signs that you are an easy target.  Among other victim-characteristics, he is looking for a man, woman, boy or girl who averts his or her eyes before or during the Testing Stage of the assault.

I say Relentless and Indirect Eye Contact because you don’t necessarily want to challenge the prospective attacker.  Direct eye contact will often work to back a predator away.  However, the same type of eye contact may also trigger an attack when one might not have happened.  I advocate drawing an imaginary triangle from the bottom of the potential attacker’s eyes (the top point of an Isosceles Triangle) to the bottom of his mouth.  I think that is the perfect area to concentrate on for ideal results.

HARD TARGET CHARACTERISTICS

1. Contralateral Walking Stride – Swing your arms confidently in tandem with your legs.
2. Alert Attitude – Keep your head up and scan the area as you walk.  Inculcate the attitude of a king or queen who proudly scans his or her crowd of adorers as he or she strides through the crowd.  Nobody attacks a king or queen!
3. Relentless/Indirect Eye Contact.
4. Make Noise.  If an attacker is bold enough to bother you when you are obviously a Hard Target, never allow him or her to invade your personal space quietly.  Make noise.  Protest.  Say something clever:  “Hey, don’t I know your mother?” has been known to stop a knife wielding attacker in his tracks!

Until The Next Post.  Stay Safe.

Hammer.

ACTION AGAINST VIOLENCE

February 21, 2009

THE MENTAL COMPONENT OF SELF DEFENSE –  95% +

I long have believed that mental conditioning represented about 95 to 98% of successful self defense.  When I was the head trainer for the Pennsylvania Parole Board I actually drew considerable ridicule from some of the non-believers among the instructors the Parole Board used for their Self Defense classes.  Several of these instructors were believers in the school of teaching men and women three bejillion different (physical) methods of defending oneself, then leaving the classroom to let their students sort out the one or two techniques that could save them if they were ever unfortunate enough to have to rely on one of these bejillion techniques, moves, throws, come-alongs and feints that they had “learned” in class.

Time and experience has strengthened my belief in the mental aspect of the fighting arts and self defense.  I can cite authorities no less reputed than the FBI and the Secret Service on the belief that mental conditioning represents no less than 90% and probably as much as 98% of the survival equation, not only for laymen, but for veteran law enforcement officers.  Look to the world of sports and you can see thousands of examples of mental toughness and athletic success and prowess.

According to Bob Pierce, Fighting Arts’ expert, “one of the biggest secrets to winning dangerous confrontations is to simply learn how to overcome indecision and unreasonable hesitation.”  Makes a lot of sense when you understand that the sexual predator, bully, criminal and power-assault specialist relies on a stunned and hesitant victim, willing to stand by helplessly.

According to Pierce, victims often have The Reasoner Mental Map.  This map is most dangerous and hazardous to the victim because this way of thinking invests disastrously in the axiom that “all people are basically good,” and, accordingly, he or she believes that he/she can always “reason his or her way out of trouble.”  When “facing pure evil, though, this way of thinking does not reflect reality and at the worst possible moment he “crumbles into dismay and panic.”

Pierce recommends what he calls a Virtuous Predator Mental Map, which is to “speak softly but carry a big stick.”  This mind set deeply understands what is important to fight for.  The Virtuous Predator is concerned with managing his/her actions, not emotions.

Here might be a good example of the fighting mentality, as I call it.  I advocate controlling that Inner Voice – that same Inner Voice that can make you hesitate and freeze if you don’t gain control over it – by using some Mental Conditioning Tactics.

The Powerful Inner Voice – Tactics To Develop It:

• Bad Guy has his fists balled and is striding toward you.  You have 1 to 6 seconds to act.
• Direct your thoughts to an “External Focus of the potential targets.  Initiate Target Awareness, according to Pierce.
• By initiating target awareness you instantly focus and channels your Internal Dialog, and forces your brain and inner (negative) voice to focus on strategy instead of panic.

Ø      “Ok.  He’s approaching. Is he in range?”

Ø      Is there anything in his hands?”

Ø      What targets are open?”

Ø      Is anyone behind me?”

Ø      What are my escape routes?  What barricades can I use?  Do I have any improvised weapons?”

Think.  Always do something to break the panic-freeze.  Talk.  Move.  Breathe.

SOME REASONS WHY YOU FREEZE AT THE MOMENT OF DECISION:

1. Having No Plan Of Action.
2. Attempt to Manage Your Emotions Instead of Dealing with the Cause —Fear!  UI say “Acknowledge The Fear, Then Do What Has To Be Done!”

Until My Next Post, Stay safe.

Hammer

KNOW YOUR ENEMY and you shall own him, a great warrior once said and I’m here to tell you that Tsun Tse’s words are true.  So, let’s take a sec and look at the Psychology of the Stalker when he’s on the street.

• He depends on victim compliance.
• He almost always has a pre-planned strategy, or even a fantasy script.  He spends an amazing amount of time planning the attack.  The thrill of the kill plays a big role in the entire “game” he plays. 
• When he approaches his target, the longer this script is allowed to play out, the more confident and powerful he feels.  The bolder he will become.
• The stalker is often stunned and confused by any quick, decisive action (counter-measure) that violates his “script.”
• Many stalkers lose interest during the initial “testing” stage when his victim refuses to act like the victim in his script.
• Real-Time Stalkers always have a Victim-Profile in mind.

The Mindset that Shatters the Stalker’s Script.

• She refuses to be tested.
• She always controls her space.  No one gets in unless she wants him or her to, and that never includes a stalker!
• Establishes a defiant “combat stance” when the stalker invades her space.  Not only that, she is willing and able to act rude, arrogant and profane.
• She always has a plan.  She anticipates (If “A” happens, I will do “B.”  If “B” does not work, I will never give up and I will do “C.”
• She verbally confronts harassment as soon as it begins (“testing” begins as harassment).
• Even though she is feeling fear, she gives the appearance of defiance and confrontation.
• She is willing to do anything it takes to survive.

PROCEDURES OF PROTECTION AGAINST STALKING.

1. If you believe you’re being stalked, break off your route (he has already marked you as an ideal victim and is following you to see if you enter a low-witness area, which is what his scripted victim would do.  Change directions, cross the street, or enter a public building.  Watch the stalker from the safety of the building (unless he follows you into the building.  If so, seek security).
2. After a time, if you do not see the stalker, you can exit the building, making sure he is no longer there (chances are, he won’t be.  You have screwed up his “fantasy script.”). 
3. If he is still around, establish eye contact and look defiant.  Make him aware you know what he is up to!
4. When possible, stay in a high-witness area.  If he returns and is tracking you, he will match your pace.
5. This is the time you have to tell yourself that this is it.  Prepare yourself.  And the best way to prepare yourself for the coming stalker-testing, invasion of your personal space, and eventual attack is:
   • Prepare a pithy, dismissive verbal response now.
   • Prepare a flexible physical fighting plan now (Note:  I did not say Counter Attack Plan.  You might want to attack him before he can strike or grab you).
   • You will require 110% Commitment To Survival.  Giving up when your first plan of action does not dispatch him.

Until Nest Time, Stay Safe.

Hammer.

WHEN it comes to stopping a stalker, making him or her gone, it is best to cut your losses and make the stalker disappear out of your life at the earliest possible moment following the realization that you are dealing with one in the first place.  You might be thinking easier said than done, but, hell, Dog, it doesn’t seem to me you have any choice, unless, that is, you feel like being harassed and eventually vandalized, assaulted, maybe even killed.  No brainer, far as I’m concerned,  If you agree, read on:

First of all, some pithy and prophetic axioms of stalking:

·        Men who can’t let go chose women who can’t say no.

·        The nicer the rejection, the more the stalker will interpret it as affection.

·        The best way to stop contact with a stalker is to stop contact with a stalker.

Secondly, how about a few Stalker Danger Signs:

·        Stalker will research his/her victim early.  An example of this might be the stalker asking others at a party questions about the eventual victim.

·        Stalker is overly invested.  An example of this might be meeting a man or woman and the same night receiving three or four messages from him/her.

·        Refusal to accept “no.”  The stalker will negotiate and argue when his/her victim says he or she is not interested.

·        Hyper-Attentiveness.

·        Early on the victim feels uncomfortable about the stalker and his/her actions, mind set, etc.

·        Early on, stalker offers unsolicited help.  Tries to get self invested in victim’s life.

·        Stalker projects emotions, feelings, actions ON TO THE VICTIM that are not present.

·        Stalker romances victim at a mind-numbing whirlwind pace.

·        Stalker monitors victim’s activities, whereabouts, etc.

·        Hyper-Jealousy.

·        Isolates victim from family and friends.

·        Refusal to hear “no!”

SUGGESTIONS FOR STOPPING THE STALKER:

1.        Contact police or trusted authority figure ASAP.

2.        MAKE REJECTION FINAL!

3.        Make it clear that you are breaking it off because of his/her actions, not because of another suitor/you just want to be friends because you are not ready/whatever.  Again:  You do not want to see the stalker because of his or her actions!

________________________________________________ ______________________________________

Hammer Note: Maybe a little insight into the way a stalker thinks will help here:  If you say, “I’m sorry, Betty/Bruce, but I don’t think we should see each other any more.  I met a man/woman at work and we just fell in love.  I didn’t want it to happen, but it did—“ Trust me, the stalker will immediately think:  Ok.  Fine.  All I have to do is make this new guy simply disappear and she will be mine, all mine!  Again.  It has to be cold and it has to be final!

______________________________________________________________ _________________________

4.        If the above 3 tactics fail, make it tougher for the stalker to contact you, to track you.  Change your phone numbers.  Leave work at different times.  Change your patterns.

5.        After you break it off, and he calls – and, believe me, he or she will call – do not answer his calls and do not return his or her messages, no matter how many times he or she calls.  If, after the 300^th phone call, you finally pick up the phone and say “Gees, Chuck, how many times I have to tell you not to call me any more?”  the only thing that will register is that you answered his/her call.  The stalker will not hear the secondary rejection.  He now knows your initial rejection was insincere, and, also, it will take 300 phone calls to get through to you.

6.        Document everything and work with police.

WHAT ABOUT A PFA OR A RESTRAINING ORDER.  For the serious stalker who has made a very large personal and emotional investment in you, he or she is hooked, addicted to you.  Sadly, this route will probably not work.  As a matter of fact, this kind of control freak can become seriously deadly when his or her victim obtains a PFA or Restraining Order.

What About Asking A Friend To Confront the Stalker.  Have Him or Her Warn Him To Stop?  The idiotic, brain-damaged stalker wil interpret this action as a sign that his girlfiend is conflicted; otherwise, he will think, she qwould have told me herself.  And the police cannot intervene at this point either because he has broken no laws.

Until Next time, Stay Safe.

Hammer

NEVER underestimate the role your mind plays in survival motor skills.  The connection between the brain and your physical actions during a life or death fight against a determined attacker is absolutely crucial.  Ergo, if you believe you are going to lose, if you don’t have a pre-determined plan of action, or, if you have a plan but you don’t believe in it, you are going to lose.  That simple.

TAKE IT one step further.  If you have a Negative Nexus between mind and body, as described above, and, as in most self defense situations, you are fighting a larger, stronger, meaner and totally A-social foe, you will absolutely be destroyed in place.

SO, here is the dealio.  We are going to win this fight, despite the disparity in strength, size and mentality.  Whatever.  And how are we going to do this, you ask?  We are going to learn from the Negative Nexus and try on a Positive Nexus for size. 

I always have believed in the importance of Mental Conditioning.  I have a lot of experience at it, by the way.  A lot.  Point a gun at a target and imagine that you are pointing your finger at what you want to hit, and wham, bullseye.  Believe that you can de-escalate a scene and, whoosh, the scene is cool. 

CAN YOU think of a situation when you believed you could do something that others thought you couldn’t?  How’d it turn out?  Pretty swell, huh?  Same thing for self defense. 

Believe in yourself.  Believe in a pre-determined Plan of Action and stay committed to it.  Look at the Bad Guy as a series of closed and open targets, not some terrifying-looking behemoth.  Condition yourself mentally by:

• Cycle Breathing and giving your self Positive Self Talks.
• Have a pre-determined survival plan.  Believe in that plan and stay committed to it.
• Expect the Unexpected so you are never surprised.
• Ask yourself “What (would I do) If (such and such) happened?”
• Commit yourself Never To Give Up.  Never!

Stay Safe Until Next Time.

Hammer

NEVER underestimate the role your mind plays in survival motor skills.  The connection between the brain and your physical actions during a life or death fight against a determined attacker is absolutely crucial.  Ergo, if you believe you are going to lose, if you don’t have a pre-determined pan of action, or, if you have a plan but you don’t believe in it, you are going to lose.  That simple.

TAKE IT one step further.  If you have a Negative Nexus between mind and body, as described above, and, as in most self defense situations, you are fighting a larger, stronger, meaner and totally a-social foe, you will absolutely be destroyed in place.

SO, here is the dealio.  We are going to win this fight, despite the disparity in strength, size, A-social mentality.  Whatever.  And how are we going to do this, you ask?  We are going to learn from the Negative Nexus and try on a Positive Nexus for size. 

I always have believed in the importance of Mental Conditioning.  I have a lot of experience at it, by the way.  A lot.  Point a gun at a target and imagine that you are pointing your finger at what you want to hit, and wham, bullseye.  Believe that you can de-escalate a scene and, whoosh, the scene is cool. 

CAN YOU think of a situation when you believed you could do something that others thought you couldn’t?  How’d it turn out?  Pretty swell, huh?  Same thing for self defense. 

Believe in yourself.  Believe in a pre-determined Plan of Action and stay committed to it.  Look at the Bad Guy as a series of closed and open targets, not some terrifying-looking behemoth.  Condition yourself mentally by:

• Cycle Breathing and giving your self Positive Self Talks.
• Have a pre-determined survival plan.  Believe in that plan and stay committed to it.
• Expect the Unexpected so you are never surprised.
• Ask yourself “What (would I do) If (such and such happened?”
• Commit yourself Never To Give Up.  Never!

Stay Safe Until Next Time.

Hammer

NEVER underestimate the role your mind plays in survival motor skills.  The connection between the brain and your physical actions during a life or death fight against a determined attacker is absolutely crucial.  Ergo, if you believe you are going to lose, if you don’t have a pre-determined pan of action, or, if you have a plan but you don’t believe in it, you are going to lose.  That simple.

TAKE IT one step further.  If you have a Negative Nexus between mind and body, as described above, and, as in most self defense situations, you are fighting a larger, stronger, meaner and totally a-social foe, you will absolutely be destroyed in place.

SO, here is the dealio.  We are going to win this fight, despite the disparity in strength, size, A-social mentality.  Whatever.  And how are we going to do this, you ask?  We are going to learn from the Negative Nexus and try on a Positive Nexus for size. 

I always have believed in the importance of Mental Conditioning.  I have a lot of experience at it, by the way.  A lot.  Point a gun at a target and imagine that you are pointing your finger at what you want to hit, and wham, bullseye.  Believe that you can de-escalate a scene and, whoosh, the scene is cool. 

CAN YOU think of a situation when you believed you could do something that others thought you couldn’t?  How’d it turn out?  Pretty swell, huh?  Same thing for self defense. 

Believe in yourself.  Believe in a pre-determined Plan of Action and stay committed to it.  Look at the Bad Guy as a series of closed and open targets, not some terrifying-looking behemoth.  Condition yourself mentally by:

• Cycle Breathing and giving your self Positive Self Talks.
• Have a pre-determined survival plan.  Believe in that plan and stay committed to it.
• Expect the Unexpected so you are never surprised.
• Ask yourself “What (would I do) If (such and such happened?”
• Commit yourself Never To Give Up.  Never!

Stay Safe Until Next Time.

Hammer

ONE CRUCIAL CONCEPT that all too often escapes many martial arts and self defense instructors is exactly how and when do you know that all the bull crap – the pre-attack posturing, intimidation, testing and what not – has ended and the bad ass is about to throw the first punch?

THOUGHT I would share with you, then, some of my sure-fire signs that a fist or foot is about to be introduced to your face or ass.  What do you think?

HAMMER’S SURE-FIRE SIGNS A FIST OR FOOT IS ABOUT OPEN UP A CAN OF WHUP-ASS!

“HIT HIM NOW” SIGNS.  When the following phenomenon occur, these are Decision Points!  Stop Thinking and Hit Him Square and Hit Him Fast!

·        3 MAJOR SIGNS THE FIGHT IS ON.”

1.     Body Language. 

Ø       The Hiatus:  The Bad Guy goes quiet, looks away for a second, then turns back to you, followed by a

Ø    Target Stare.  The Bad Guy will look at wherever he is going to strike you a second or so before he does it.

Ø    The Finger Jab.  The Bad Guy is “testing the waters.”  If you do nothing, you are telling him “c’mon in.  The waters fine.”  Like I said in the lead in to these factors, hit him now!

Ø    The Shove.  According to Jacov Bresler, an Israeli self defense guru, “a shove is always followed by a punch.”

Ø    The Chin Drop.  Jacov Bresler also propounds that the Chin Drop is the Bad Guy’s instinctive act of protecting his or her neck and that a Chin Drop always means trouble.

Ø    The Initial Strike.  Never allow the Bad Guy to strike you – even when the hit appears to be semi-harmless – without you counter punching immediately!  If he strikes you once, there is little doubt that he will hit you again, this time harder.

                             2.  The Threat.

Ø       A threat is always a Signature of danger.  A Red Flag you must heed.

Ø    Many novices do nothing when faced with an obvious threat.

Ø    A distinctive threat (as opposed to one you think is one implicitly) is a sign the Bad Guy is ramping up his courage, confidence and emotions to give him the wherewithal to carry out an attack.

Ø    Things will escalate fast following a threat!

2.       Sudden Silence.

Ø       Sudden Silence is a reliable Signature Of Danger because—

Ø    The Bad Guy is holding an internal dialog about what he is about to do to you.

Ø    Fighting Arts Rule:  Fighters do not talk and fight.

BANG HIM UP WITH AN AUTOMATIC RESPONSE.

·        Key Elements That Create An Automatic Decision Point, at which point you need not to think about it.  Just Bang Away>

Ø       The Combination of Bad Body Language, A Verbal Threat and Sudden Silence, plus—

Ø    SPACE.  When the Bad Guy moves inside your PSZ (Personal Safety Zone), especially after you warned him:  “Hey, man, stop.  You don’t need to come any closer!”  Any “normal” dude will stop right then and there.  If he keeps on coming, nail him right there!  Thing is, though, even though I am advocating lashing out when he penetrates your PSZ, you must mentally prepare (Spinal Tune) yourself as he begins to step in.

Ø    INTUITION.  Your gut-instincts are going hay wire.  Danger!  Danger!).

Ø    CROSSING THE LINE.  The key here is to define a “Line” that the Bad Guy has to cross for you to automatically respond.  On one side of that line, the person is just an annoying jerk; but, when he crosses that “line,” he becomes a Bad Guy.

Not only does this knowledge prepare you with an Automatic Response that will help to ameliorate any indecision (indecisiveness gives the appearance of weakness to a Bully), it will also alleviate the fear that you can be arrested and charged with assault.  This fear is justifiable; and it is a fear most criminals and bullies do not share.  In my mid, they are A-social animals who rarely share your concerns and values.  But, think of it, if you follow The Hammer’s rationale, you have observed his body language, have asked him and warned him nicely not to come any closer, and, in contrast, he, the attacker, has ignored your warning, has threatened you, has moved closer, has jabbed his finger into your chest and maybe even struck you before your righteously retaliated.

Until next time, Stay Safe.

Hammer

NOT too long ago a young boy was walking home with a hubcap he had found.  A car pulled up and a man rolled down the window and, in his “nicest” voice,  thanked the youngster for finding his hubcap.  “Would you mind walking over here and handing it to me?” he sang.

THE BOY dropped the hubcap where he stood and said in his nicest voice, “here it is, sir.” And continued on his way home.  When he arrived home, he did what I would have asked him to do in one of my CAT classes:  he consolidated the tactic by telling his mother about what had happened.  Predictably, when the boy and his mother walked back to the scene of the incident they found the hubcap where the boy had dropped it.

THIS brings up, then, exactly what tactics does CAT for Kids advocate to keep your children safe from the Chicken Hawks (child sexual predators and abductors)?

THE CAT FOR KIDS PARADIGM.

A caveat here.  There are several CAT paradigms.  Counter-Bully.  Counter-Abductors.  Escape and Evasion.  Preventive.  Physical Survival Strategies.  What you are about to read represents Escape and Evasion Tactics relative to the Hubcap Scenario.

• Safety Coaches (Parents) simply teach their child skills that the child is already good at.
• Safety Coaches Must Not Frighten Their Kids with words, etc.  “Never, ever do this.  He will kill you, rape you, cut you up, etc!
• Safety Coaches always supportive.  Tactics designed to get you back to us because we love you.  When child asks “Why would someone want to hurt me?”  Make certain you (The Safety Coach) makes it clear that “I don’t really know, but it is not your (the child’s) fault.  It’s the adult’s (the predator)!
• SAFETY COACH TEACHES SKILLS THE CHILD IS ALREADY GOOD AT:

Ø     Ignoring what an adult says.  If that adult or older youngster is not on your Safe List (list of people who are totally safe to talk to.  A very short list, by the way), do not engage in conversation.

Ø      Turn Off Your Ears.  No matter how nice he or she sounds.

Ø      Trust your gut instincts.  Kids are always saying, “I don’t know, Mom.  He just gives me The Creeps,” when the kid doesn’t want to kiss or hug a relative or friend of the family.  The Creeps are Gut Instincts and they are hardly ever wrong!

Ø      The CAT Golden Rule:  NEVER, EVER LEAVE THE FIRST PLACE WITH ANYONE, ESPECIALLY AN ADULT! 

Ø      Consolidate CAT.  Tell a trusted second (adult) person ASAP about the adult who tried to get your to leave the first place with his or her’s seductive “story.”

Ø      Consolidate CAT Rule Number 2 (Parents/Safety Coach must teach their child this).  Move away when adult calls you by name, or addresses you in any way (do not follow your instincts and inquire how he knows you by name), even when he says your parents have been injured.  Teach the child to say:  “Thank you for telling me.  I’ll go find mom and dad right now—“

Ø      Safety Coach Says:  Always Remember When Adult Starts talking To You: 

Ø     Keep Moving.

Ø     But do not turn your back to him (Predator-Prey-Principle).

Ø     It is not about you, honey.  It is their sickness.

Ø     Do Not Ask “Why?”  The only question in your mind is How can I escape now?”

Ø     If He “Has You and You Can’t Escape and Evade Him Right Now:

• Sit down and stay in that public place.  Help will come to you.
• Hug Like a Bug, like a Sit-In Protest.
• Sit-Ins are hard to pick up.  If he does try to pick you up and carry you off, though—-woops.  That is my next post:

Until Then, please Stay safe.

Hammer

I WOULD LIKE TO SET SOMETHING STRAIGHT.  The Fighting Arts against a bully (bullies) is benign compared to defending oneself against more pernicious types of attacks, where the Bad Guy’s goal includes your serious injury, humiliation, loss of properties and monies, and/or death.

YET probably, in both the short and long run, just as important.

The goal here is escape and evasion.  End of story, Dog.  Especially when the attack comes within the legal confines of your school (or workplace) where exists a Zero Tolerance against Fighting.  Don’t get me wrong:  if it comes down to a choice between going to the hospital or facing a suspension, I say lay the bully out.  But in 94 plus % of the situations, you can discourage future attacks and get out of Dodge at the same time.

Escape and Evasion – Ten Easy Steps.

1. Prepare.  The bully depends on you being so surprised and frightened by their

                     Attack that you freeze into inactivity.  If you think you have been targeted, decide how you are going to respond when it comes.  Commit yourself to The Plan.  Your plan should include not only a physical response, but your mental and verbal responses also.

1. Look Calm, Confident.  Not the end of the world if you look scared.  Also, not the end if you are scared.  Nevertheless, get together with your Safety Coach (parents, friend, teacher) and rehearse looking confident.
2. Cycle Breathe For Calm.  Train Calm by breathing in through your nose for a count of 2; holding your breath for a count of 2, then exhaling for a count of 2.  Repeat.
3. Keep Remarks Brief.  It is important to say something.  Verbalizing and breathing breaks up your fear and gets your mind and body into Action Mode.  Do not beg.  Make a brief declarative statement. 
   • “Stay where you are, Ace.  I can hear you fine from there.”
   • “What (as in “What are you looking at, Dude, or Dudette?”)?”
   • “What are you looking at?”
   • “You look pretty tense.  What can I do for you?”
4. De-escalate Thru Deflection.  Deflect any and all incoming insults, threats and intimidation through the Art of Deflection (the bully wants you to absorb verbal attacks, to take them seriously.  I want you to Depreciate these Verbal Icons!
   • “I’m ugly?  You bet.  That is the look I’m going for, girl.”
   • “I’m fat?  What the heck happened, girl?  Just an hour ago I looked like Heather Locklear.”
   • “You got yourself some pretty bad data there, Dude (response to a bully saying “you are a fagot and we’re gonna kick your ass all over the schoolyard!”).”

1. DISTRACT.  Escape and evasion can often happen after changing the bully’s channel, a metaphor I use for weakening and slowing him/her down by redirecting his or her mental and physical focus.  There are many Distraction Techniques (defined as weakening the attacker’s motor actions by changing his or her thought process).  Come up with your own distractions, but I have used several great ones to slow my attacker before I executed either a coupe de grace:
   • Coughing and backing up while pointing at the Bad Guy.  Stops ‘em cold.
   • “Hey, man, what’s that logo on your shirt (while backing up and pointing)?”
   • “Nice shoes (while pointing at his or her shoes).”
   • Shout real loud and point at him as he comes toward you.  “STOP!”
2. MOVE.  Don’t get caught flatfooted.  Keep your weight on the balls of your feet and sidle from side to side.
3. TURTLE-UP.  When the attack comes get your hands up and move in, tying up the bully.  Shuffle around with him. 
4. QUICK STRIKES TO OPEN TARGETS.  Deliver a quick strike to an open target.  If he or she is concentrating the attack high, go low.  Scoot your rearward foot quickly forward and drive the toe of your shoes hard into the bully’s lower shin.  Use his or her same side shoulder as a guide to strike that target every time.  This surprise strike will surprise the attacker and weaken his or her grip on you.  More likely than not, he or she will bring his or her head down, which offers a great target for an \ascending Palm Heel Strike to the chin or nose.
5. GO!

Until the Next Post.  Stay Safe.

Ham

I WOULD LIKE TO SET SOMETHING STRAIGHT.  The Fighting Arts against a bully (bullies) is benign compared to defending oneself against more pernicious types of attacks, where the Bad Guy’s goal includes your serious injury, humiliation, loss of properties and monies, and/or death.

YET probably, in both the short and long run, just as important.

The goal here is escape and evasion.  End of story, Dog.  Especially when the attack comes within the legal confines of your school (or workplace) where exists a Zero Tolerance against Fighting.  Don’t get me wrong:  if it comes down to a choice between going to the hospital or facing a suspension, I say lay the bully out.  But in 94 plus % of the situations, you can discourage future attacks and get out of Dodge at the same time.

Escape and Evasion – Ten Easy Steps.

1. Prepare.  The bully depends on you being so surprised and frightened by their

                     Attack that you freeze into inactivity.  If you think you have been targeted, decide how you are going to respond when it comes.  Commit yourself to The Plan.  Your plan should include not only a physical response, but your mental and verbal responses also.

1. Look Calm, Confident.  Not the end of the world if you look scared.  Also, not the end if you are scared.  Nevertheless, get together with your Safety Coach (parents, friend, teacher) and rehearse looking confident.
2. Cycle Breathe For Calm.  Train Calm by breathing in through your nose for a count of 2; holding your breath for a count of 2, then exhaling for a count of 2.  Repeat.
3. Keep Remarks Brief.  It is important to say something.  Verbalizing and breathing breaks up your fear and gets your mind and body into Action Mode.  Do not beg.  Make a brief declarative statement. 
   • “Stay where you are, Ace.  I can hear you fine from there.”
   • “What (as in “What are you looking at, Dude, or Dudette?”)?”
   • “What are you looking at?”
   • “You look pretty tense.  What can I do for you?”
4. De-escalate Thru Deflection.  Deflect any and all incoming insults, threats and intimidation through the Art of Deflection (the bully wants you to absorb verbal attacks, to take them seriously.  I want you to Depreciate these Verbal Icons!
   • “I’m ugly?  You bet.  That is the look I’m going for, girl.”
   • “I’m fat?  What the heck happened, girl?  Just an hour ago I looked like Heather Locklear.”
   • “You got yourself some pretty bad data there, Dude (response to a bully saying “you are a fagot and we’re gonna kick your ass all over the schoolyard!”).”

1. DISTRACT.  Escape and evasion can often happen after changing the bully’s channel, a metaphor I use for weakening and slowing him/her down by redirecting his or her mental and physical focus.  There are many Distraction Techniques (defined as weakening the attacker’s motor actions by changing his or her thought process).  Come up with your own distractions, but I have used several great ones to slow my attacker before I executed either a coupe de grace:
   • Coughing and backing up while pointing at the Bad Guy.  Stops ‘em cold.
   • “Hey, man, what’s that logo on your shirt (while backing up and pointing)?”
   • “Nice shoes (while pointing at his or her shoes).”
   • Shout real loud and point at him as he comes toward you.  “STOP!”
2. MOVE.  Don’t get caught flatfooted.  Keep your weight on the balls of your feet and sidle from side to side.
3. TURTLE-UP.  When the attack comes get your hands up and move in, tying up the bully.  Shuffle around with him. 
4. QUICK STRIKES TO OPEN TARGETS.  Deliver a quick strike to an open target.  If he or she is concentrating the attack high, go low.  Scoot your rearward foot quickly forward and drive the toe of your shoes hard into the bully’s lower shin.  Use his or her same side shoulder as a guide to strike that target every time.  This surprise strike will surprise the attacker and weaken his or her grip on you.  More likely than not, he or she will bring his or her head down, which offers a great target for an \ascending Palm Heel Strike to the chin or nose.
5. GO!

Until the Next Post.  Stay Safe.

Ham

I WOULD LIKE TO SET SOMETHING STRAIGHT.  The Fighting Arts against a bully (bullies) is benign compared to defending oneself against more pernicious types of attacks, where the Bad Guy’s goal includes your serious injury, humiliation, loss of properties and monies, and/or death.

YET probably, in both the short and long run, just as important.

The goal here is escape and evasion.  End of story, Dog.  Especially when the attack comes within the legal confines of your school (or workplace) where exists a Zero Tolerance against Fighting.  Don’t get me wrong:  if it comes down to a choice between going to the hospital or facing a suspension, I say lay the bully out.  But in 94 plus % of the situations, you can discourage future attacks and get out of Dodge at the same time.

Escape and Evasion – Ten Easy Steps.

1. Prepare.  The bully depends on you being so surprised and frightened by their

                     Attack that you freeze into inactivity.  If you think you have been targeted, decide how you are going to respond when it comes.  Commit yourself to The Plan.  Your plan should include not only a physical response, but your mental and verbal responses also.

1. Look Calm, Confident.  Not the end of the world if you look scared.  Also, not the end if you are scared.  Nevertheless, get together with your Safety Coach (parents, friend, teacher) and rehearse looking confident.
2. Cycle Breathe For Calm.  Train Calm by breathing in through your nose for a count of 2; holding your breath for a count of 2, then exhaling for a count of 2.  Repeat.
3. Keep Remarks Brief.  It is important to say something.  Verbalizing and breathing breaks up your fear and gets your mind and body into Action Mode.  Do not beg.  Make a brief declarative statement. 
   • “Stay where you are, Ace.  I can hear you fine from there.”
   • “What (as in “What are you looking at, Dude, or Dudette?”)?”
   • “What are you looking at?”
   • “You look pretty tense.  What can I do for you?”
4. De-escalate Thru Deflection.  Deflect any and all incoming insults, threats and intimidation through the Art of Deflection (the bully wants you to absorb verbal attacks, to take them seriously.  I want you to Depreciate these Verbal Icons!
   • “I’m ugly?  You bet.  That is the look I’m going for, girl.”
   • “I’m fat?  What the heck happened, girl?  Just an hour ago I looked like Heather Locklear.”
   • “You got yourself some pretty bad data there, Dude (response to a bully saying “you are a fagot and we’re gonna kick your ass all over the schoolyard!”).”

1. DISTRACT.  Escape and evasion can often happen after changing the bully’s channel, a metaphor I use for weakening and slowing him/her down by redirecting his or her mental and physical focus.  There are many Distraction Techniques (defined as weakening the attacker’s motor actions by changing his or her thought process).  Come up with your own distractions, but I have used several great ones to slow my attacker before I executed either a coupe de grace:
   • Coughing and backing up while pointing at the Bad Guy.  Stops ‘em cold.
   • “Hey, man, what’s that logo on your shirt (while backing up and pointing)?”
   • “Nice shoes (while pointing at his or her shoes).”
   • Shout real loud and point at him as he comes toward you.  “STOP!”
2. MOVE.  Don’t get caught flatfooted.  Keep your weight on the balls of your feet and sidle from side to side.
3. TURTLE-UP.  When the attack comes get your hands up and move in, tying up the bully.  Shuffle around with him. 
4. QUICK STRIKES TO OPEN TARGETS.  Deliver a quick strike to an open target.  If he or she is concentrating the attack high, go low.  Scoot your rearward foot quickly forward and drive the toe of your shoes hard into the bully’s lower shin.  Use his or her same side shoulder as a guide to strike that target every time.  This surprise strike will surprise the attacker and weaken his or her grip on you.  More likely than not, he or she will bring his or her head down, which offers a great target for an \ascending Palm Heel Strike to the chin or nose.
5. GO!

Until the Next Post.  Stay Safe.

Ham

I am a bit surprised, to tell the truth, that I haven’t seen some criticism following my last post (“Bully Be Gone – Now!”)in which I boasted that if a youngster followed my suggestions, I guaranteed that all bullying would cease, like right then and there.  After I thought about it a while, though, I realized that there were too many types of bullying to make that boast.

TRUTH IS, the formula I propounded in my last post will most likely stop conventional bullying in its tracks – probably – but what does a kid do when he or she is a victim of telephone, computer, vicious rumor and other types of indirect bullying.

FOR INSTANCE, the youngster is standing, facing his or her locker, preoccupied, when one or more bullies approaches and (1)  pushes the unsuspecting kid face first into the locker; or, (2) a bully sneaks up behind another kid and knee bumps him or her above the shin (Tibial), causing his or her legs to collapse; or, (3) one student engages the victim in a conversation while another student kneels down behind the victim, and then the first student shoves the victim backwards with disastrous results.

INJURY MIGHT or might not result, but relentless embarrassment and even humiliation will definitely follow.  So, question is, what should the victim do to minimize the dame and/or to prevent future bullying?  The answer is not easy, but it is an answer nevertheless.

If the child knows who the assailant(s) are/is, I believe it is important for him or her to at least let the bully(ies) know he/she knows who they are and what they are up to.  Threats, intimidation and/or reprisal is not necessary.  A benign but sarcastic comment might be enough.  “Pretty cute, guys.  I was impressed.  Now, how about cutting it out, okay?”

This may be controversial, but I would tell your parents, if it continues.  Seek their counsel.  If it is a one-time act, I would keep it at home, especially if the child verbally confronts the bully(ies).  If it continues, then I believe it is time to advise the school of the bullying.

If you don’t know who the bully(ies) is/are, be aware that you have probably been targeted for whatever reason. If it happens once, it will probably happen again.  Stay alert, aware, assess the body language of those around you, and trust your gut feelings.  Prepare to protect yourself and to do whatever is necessary to stop bullying in its tracks.  Any student(s) approaching you with that cocky walk, that tell tale sneer on his, her, their face(s), anything that kicks off your “Spidey Senses,” should be treated without mercy.

By that I mean, stand tall, free up your hands, drop your power foot back and look confident and calm.  A wry smile working its way across your face wouldn’t hurt, either.  Do not look down and do not look away unless you want to liberate the Predator-Prey-Trigger in one or more of the bullies. 

A ‘trick” I used with success was to dramatically drop whatever it was I was holding in my hands as the potential assailant moved in with that intimidating “Target Stare” on his face.  Up to you, of course, but the trick left little doubt that I was ready to go to the bridge if it came down to it.

Keep your remarks brief.  “What?”  might just be enough.  “What you lookin’ at, Dude (or, Dog)?”  might even be better.  Your choice.  Always protect your PSZ (Personal Safe Zone)!  This is crucial.  Do not let anyone within five feet. 

“That’s close enough, Dog,” or some such warning statement, is necessary to say as the bully strides in despite your warning.  Once that distance is penetrated, especially when you have made it clear that was a no-no, you must do several things:

1.      J-Step, or move evasively.  Gain distance.  Do not cement yourself to the ground.

2.      Attain a Combat Ready Stance. 

3.      Breathe.

4.      Have a Pre-Planned Counterattack Strategy.  Always have a Plan-A and a Plan-B.  When your heart rate spikes beyond 175 BPM (Survival Stress will occur when you are either aggressive or fearful/you won’t be fearful if you have a plan of action and you are simply being task oriented, trust me), you will find it hard to formulate a fighting plan.

5.      Carry Out The Plan (only) When “Push Comes To Shove.”

6.      Invoke the Element Of Surprise:  The bully has advanced inside your PSZ most likely because he or she has taken you lightly and/or is acting for the “benefit” of his peer group.  In the latter case, he will not back down.  A great Counter-Bully Surprise Strategy is to put up your hands (face high, palms out, hands moving back and forth) in a Compliance Stance and “beg” the bully, “Please don’t hurt me; please don’t hurt me!”  As he moves in over-confidently, shoot one or both of your hands and hit him hard with the heel of your palm(s).   If the bully reaches out and grabs you by your shirt or neck, this is even better.  Grab hold of that hand and freeze it there.  There is no possible way the bully can block your incoming punch.  Open His Gate, then, by spinning his elbow toward you, step through the gate and go one your way (making sure not to turn your back on the bully).

THE FIGHTING ARTS AGAINST A BULLY

·     NEVER LOOK AFRAID.  LOOK EITHER BORED OR BARELY INTERESTED WHEN HE TRIES TO INTIMIDATE YOU.

·     KEEP YOUR REMARKS BRIEF.

·     USE GOOD DE-ESCALATION TECHNMIQUES.  DEFLECT PERSONAL INSULTS WITH REMARKS SHOWING DISINTEREST:  “Ugly?  Yeah, I guess I aint no Brad Pitt. “

·     USE DISTRACTION TECHNIQUES:  Shatter the bully’s mental and physical script by changing his channel from where he or she is to where you want him to be (your channel).  Distractions weaken the bully.  “Who the heck is that, Butch?”  “Holy cow, who’s ride is that (pointing in another direction)?”

·     Always move.

·     Turtle Up and Tie the Bully Up.

·     Escape and Evade ASAP.

In the next post:  More About the Physical Counter-Bully Techniques.  Until then.  Stay Safe.

Hammer

BULLY BE GONE—NOW!

From what I can see, boys and girls are being bullied in our schools and neighborhoods more than ever before.  Bullied in all its pernicious forms.  The good news is, unlike all the other self defense situations, there is a definite and distinct counter-bullying strategy that I can pretty much guarantee will unceremoniously dismiss the gangster wannabe in pretty short order.

Understanding that the bully has a simple script in his or her head.  Driven by seeing, sensing and/or smelling the victim’s (debilitating and paralyzing) fear is central to the attack.  His or her victim’s fear is like blood on the water to a shark.  Moreover, the more the victim not only shows fear but does not act , the more confident, the bolder will be the bully.  This is a bad thing, Hammer Fans, because the fear-driven bully will rarely be satisfied with scaring the bejesus out of his or her prey; more often than not, the script will not end until his or her poor prey gets pretty badly damaged, both physically and emotionally.

STEP 1:  Be Aware.  You are Being Marked.

Awareness is a great strategic component.  Simply being aware that there are a handful of miserable youngsters out there who shark the schoolyard and hallways of your school or neighborhood tracking and hunting for an easy victim.  Often, a bully becomes a bully almost inadvertently when he or she finds a boy or girl he or she just plain does not like (or, is part of a peer group who chooses to target a particular child/teenager) and when he/she taunts that child discovers that the kid is scared to death.  Most bullies, however, have been bullies ever since they could curl their fist, and, these are the bitches and bastards who are going to harass you until they learn that it does not work on you!

There is nothing subtle about being aware.  You will know you have been chosen as a target the minute he or she begins to harass and torment you, so just being Aware is not enough.

Step 2:  No Free Lunch, Baby!

BULLIES want a Free Lunch, or Easy Target.  They will rarely choose prey that displays confidence and fearlessness.  Did I say, rarely?  Make that Never.  Therefore, it make sense to take inventory of how you present yourself to others, especially those jerks and jerkettes who might be lurking your neighborhood and school yards trolling for victims.

1. Stride CONFIDENTLY  when you walk.
2. Eyeball your surroundings.  Let the potential bully know you are aware of him or her and you are ready.  If he or she approaches, do not look down or away, even though you may want to do so.  Maintain steady eye contact, although do not challenge him with constant eye-contact, which will be interpreted as a challenge.
3. LESS IS MORE.  Keep your verbal response or comments brief.  A good one might be, “What?”  Avoid any lengthy statements and repetitive “requests” that will be interpreted as weakness (“Please leave me alone.  I don’t want any trouble.”).
4. LOOK ANNOYED OR BORED.  The great John Hall, founder of Bully Escape and Kid Escape, advocates looking bored.  I advocate a look of Hey, I really don’t have time for this crap.  Whatever you do, Do Not Looked Scared, Dude or Dudette!
5. BE A WISE GUY/GAL.  By now, many would-be bullies will have excused themselves and moved on to other victims.  But for the determined, semi-pro bully who is still in your face and hurling personal threat and insults, I advocate showing moxie in the face of all those insults and intimidation.  Sarcasm works well, trust me.  “Hey, bitch, that’s the ugliest dress I ever saw (female bully).”  Sarcastic Response:  “Oh, goody.  I should do pretty well in the Stupidest Dress Contest next week.”
6. USE A DISRACTION TECHNIQUE.  The longer this confrontation goes on, the more the danger of an attack.  Especially if a crowd gathers.  The bully may feel compelled to forge ahead with an attack because withdrawing  or disengaging is not an option.  Look for an opportunity to break away.  I teach kids to look away from the bully and say something like “Hey, Connie, or use any applicable name here,” and point at the “person (there could be a real or imaginary person here).”  The point here is to re-direct the jerkette or jerk’s focus away from you, the target.  When the bully turns to look, place your hand above his or her elbow and rotate him or her around (about 90 degrees), a technique I call Opening The Gate) and simply step through the gate and disengage.  One caveat:  Do not turn your back on the bully.  Sidle away, keeping your eyes on him/her.
7. WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE, PUSH OR SHOVE.  Always be ready to fight, if it comes down to it.  Just the determination to fight will give you an aura of readiness that all bullies recognize. 

THE FIGHTING ARTS AND BULLIES

In the next post – The Fighting Arts and Counter-Bully Techniques.

Until Then, Stay Safe.

Hammer