COEDS AWAY AT COLLEGE – How To Protect Yourself

Here’s a fact.  Colleges are under fire.  Under deep scrutiny concerning their lack of interest in protecting their female student body from the almost epidemic sexual attacks from young men, on and off campus.  Witness the University of Virginia media accusations that, despite years of complaints by coeds – horror stories about gang rapes, groping, stalking and other criminal activities – the administration took no meaningful actions against even the most pernicious of assaults.

My point:  If you are a young woman attending a college, it is in your best interest to take positive steps toward protecting yourself against any and all types of sexual aggression.

SELF-DEFENSE IN THE COLLEGE SETTING.  The First of a Two-Part Post.

First of all, if you are going to commit yourself to your personal safety on and off campus, you have to also Commit Yourself To a New and Specific (Warrior) Mentality. Why?   Because I firmly believe that successful self-defense is more about being willing to do whatever you have to than being able!

THE MENTALITY OF SELF-DEFENSE

  • Understand that you are in a combat zone. In my mind, the critical first step in self-defense is to believe that the environment in which you must live is a “combat zone.”  Girls and women are viewed as targets by both male students and predators off-campus.  My research and interviews with students, teachers, etc., shows that well over 80% of women have experienced at least one variety of sexual aggression (stalking, uninvited groping, date-attacks, alcohol-related sexual aggression, etc) in their (highschool and) college careers.  Also, in my considerable experience in and with law enforcement there are hundreds of stories of men assaulting coeds who were enroute from class to dorm.  Several abductions and murders—
  • Adopt the Four-A System. I know this is old and trite wisdom, but, believe me, it is a life-saver.  Always BE AWARE, meaning aware of those around you, subtle changes in body language.  ASSESS what you see.  What do these things mean to your safety?  Trust your gut-instincts.  They are never wrong!  ANTICIPATE. Meaning you should always have a plan of action.  If this guy does this, I will do that.  ACTION. Meaning, always be prepared to take quick action when what you anticipated comes to reality.  Oh, yes, when I talk about Taking Action, I consider always reporting any kind of sexual or criminal assault as critical to campus safety.
  • PROFILE. You know, not everybody on or off campus is trying to stalk and assault you.  As a matter of fact, most are not interested in attacking you.  But, you see, campus sexual assault is a totally different entity. Young men and even young women are fascinated and interested in exploring sex.  Many coeds are away from home for maybe the first time and are exploring exciting adventures. Naivety and curiosity is a pretty nasty combination.  There will be keg parties.  Invitations that are hard to turn down to a freshman coed interested in being popular in a new setting.  Add this to an alarmingly liberal atmosphere set by college leaders, well, hell, it is almost like “Boys Will Be Boys.”  I am not advocating locking yourself in your room, leaving only to attend class.  What I am advocating is to use common sense when responding to an invitation to a “party,” entering a room, and getting the feeling that You Are The Keg Party! Having the courage to turn around and leave may be your linchpin to self-protection!

In My Next Post.  Professional Self-Defense & Personal Safety Techniques Designed To Stop “Boys Wanting To Just Be Boys.”

Until then, Stay Safe.

Hammer

BEDROOM SURPRISE. PART 2

The theme here is that – as bad as things may look – it aint over ‘til it’s over. The bedroom attacker may make a mistake – many of them do – caused by overconfidence, or you might – if you keep your mind clear (not an easy thing to do) – find an opening that can set you free.

BEDROOM SURPRISE, PART II

September 27, 2009

In my last post I talked of a situation where the Bad Guy is sitting atop his victim’s chest, his knees painfully pinning her arms, then, apparently seizing the moment when she stops struggling, he pauses to unzip his trousers anticipating oral sex.When the attacker does this – and this is something I hope you remember – he is compromising his balance and is most vulnerable to any kind of rapid balance displacement move on your part.

Roll the Bad Guy off using the following steps:

1) TRAP the foot on the side you intend to throw the attacker by placing your weakside foot on the outside of his foot (Posting or Trapping).

2) Slide your opposite foot inward until it is just below the attacker’s buttocks, Your thigh should be touching his rear end and the sole of that foot should be flat on the deck.

3) Reach up with the hand on the opposite side as the Bad Guy’s trapped foot and grab him by the shirt.

4) Simultaneously and powerfully as you can, drive your butt in the air (bridge) and push hard with the leg and foot that you had slid close to his buttocks (heel flat on the ground) in order to propel the Bad Guy off of you. At the same time, pull the hand that has hold of his shirt in the direction you wish him to roll.

5) Imagine that your butt is lifting up and driving your navel or belt buckle directly into the mattress.

6) Never give up. Use all your power. You can do it.

7) Once the attacker is off of you, strike him with whatever personal weapon (bite, gouge, knee him, kick him, drive the heel of your foot into his face) you have and get out of Dodge.

One note:As always, it is up to you if and how you do this.You can wait until he is distracted by un-zippering, or you can play into his plans by acting like you are giving up and will do what he wants. Women /girls have waited until the attacker actually had his member out and was starting to move it toward the victim’s mouth when they made their move. It was the last thing the Bad Guy expected!

Another escape I often teach features the attacker crawling up and attempting to get inside the woman’s legs. I actually advocate the woman spreading her legs – which is what the Bad Guy wants. Once he is inside and puts her in a choke hold, I teach women to latch onto both hands and not let go, while, simultaneously kicking the attacker in the ribs and back of the head with her legs and feet. I then teach the intended victim to “shrimp up” to gain distance from the attacker so she can drive both of her heels into his hips. Now, simultaneously hold onto the hands and drive the feet into the subject, and, then, while still holding onto his hands drive both feet hard into his face. Escape.

Stay safe.

Hammer

Self Defense For Women: Task Oriented Targets

The Fighting Arts for Women – Target-Focused Survival.

You might not know much about survival stress, but, for the sake of brevity, let me just say that once you are attacked from close quarters – especially a spontaneous, surprise attack – your SNS (Sympathetic Nervous System) will flood your entire system with stress hormones, which, again to keep it brief, will pretty much shut down your ability to think exactly when you need to think and act as well and as quickly as possible.

Assuming you are not preparing yourself to respond quickly (fight) every time you answer your door; every time you turn a blind corner; every time you get into or go out of your car; every time you walk down a darkened street where escape routes and barricades are few and far between you need to rely on Principles of the Fighting Arts. Principles are great because they are designed to serve you well no matter what the circumstance.

TIME PROVEN AND RELIABLE PRINCIPLES.

1. Breathe Tactically Upon First Touch (understand that 9 out of 10 victims freeze when first touched and understand that you require oxygenated blood flowing to your brain to act).
2. Use First Touch as a Trigger to Explode Into Action.
3. Always Look For Open Targets and Hit Them Hard and Hit Them Often.
· There are other key principles, but let’s focus on this principle.
· Assuming you are not training hard in the Fighting Arts, you must rely on your eyes Many victims close their eyes and just flail away in a slapping motion. Please resist this urge. Keep your eyes open, keep breathing, and become—
· Task Oriented. You can do this. You must do this. Seeking out Primary and Secondary Targets is within your power, no matter how much stress you are under. If the Bad Guy has both your arms under control, ask yourself If he’s using both hands, well, heck, what targets can he be blocking? The answer: Zero! A Bad Guy can only block two or three possible targets at any one time.
· STAY FOCUSED. There may be times when the Bad Guy has your striking levers tied up, but, if you stay focused and take your punishment for a while, one or more of the following targets will open up. Wait, keep breathing,.

TARGETS.

Ø Eyes.
Ø Throat.
Ø Groin.
Ø Knees.
Ø Nose.
Ø Ears.
Ø Temple.
Ø Back of Head.
Ø Chin (at the hinge).
Ø Sides of Neck (Brachial Plexus Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Jugular Notch (just below Adam’s Apple).
Ø Clavicles (easily assesses and easily broken).
Ø Forearms.
Ø Wrists.
Ø Top of Hands.
Ø Fingers (twisted/broken).
Ø Stomach.
Ø Obliques (Pinch the “love handles” when the Bad Guy grabs you from behind).
Ø Kidneys.
Ø Insides and outsides of thighs (Femoral Nerve Motor Point and Common Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Back of Legs (Tibial Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Upper, middle and lower shins (Superficial Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Top of feet.

I might have missed one or two. Fact is, as you can see, there are a bajillion targets you can hit. Hit a target well and other will open up.

Good Luck. Stay Safe. Until Next Time.

Hammer
Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Top of feet.

I might have missed one or two. Fact is, as you can see, there are a bajillion targets you can hit. Hit a target well and other will open up.

Good Luck. Stay Safe. Until Next Time.

Hammer

STALKER BE GONE

WHEN it comes to stopping a stalker, making him or her gone, it is best to cut your losses and make the stalker disappear out of your life at the earliest possible moment following the realization that you are dealing with one in the first place. You might be thinking easier said than done, but, hell, Dog, it doesn’t seem to me you have any choice, unless, that is, you feel like being harassed and eventually vandalized, assaulted, maybe even killed. No brainer, far as I’m concerned, If you agree, read on:

 

First of all, some pithy and prophetic axioms of stalking:

 

  • Men who can’t let go chose women who can’t say no.
  • The nicer the rejection, the more the stalker will interpret it as affection.
  • The best way to stop contact with a stalker is to stop contact with a stalker.

 

Secondly, how about a few Stalker Danger Signs:

 

  • Stalker will research his/her victim early. An example of this might be the stalker asking others at a party questions about the eventual victim.
  • Stalker is overly invested. An example of this might be meeting a man or woman and the same night receiving three or four messages from him/her.
  • Refusal to accept “no.” The stalker will negotiate and argue when his/her victim says he or she is not interested.
  • Hyper-Attentiveness.
  • Early on the victim feels uncomfortable about the stalker and his/her actions, mind set, etc.
  • Early on, stalker offers unsolicited help. Tries to get self invested in victim’s life.
  • Stalker projects emotions, feelings, actions ON TO THE VICTIM that are not present.
  • Stalker romances victim at a mind-numbing whirlwind pace.
  • Stalker monitors victim’s activities, whereabouts, etc.
  • Hyper-Jealousy.
  • Isolates victim from family and friends.
  • Refusal to hear “no!”

 

SUGGESTIONS FOR STOPPING THE STALKER:

 

  1. Contact police or trusted authority figure ASAP.
  2. MAKE REJECTION FINAL!
  3. Make it clear that you are breaking it off because of his/her actions, not because of another suitor/you just want to be friends because you are not ready/whatever. Again: You do not want to see the stalker because of his or her actions!

________________________________________________ ______________________________________

Hammer Note: Maybe a little insight into the way a stalker thinks will help here: If you say, “I’m sorry, Betty/Bruce, but I don’t think we should see each other any more. I met a man/woman at work and we just fell in love. I didn’t want it to happen, but it did—“ Trust me, the stalker will immediately think: Ok. Fine. All I have to do is make this new guy simply disappear and she will be mine, all mine! Again. It has to be cold and it has to be final!

______________________________________________________________ _________________________

 

  1. If the above 3 tactics fail, make it tougher for the stalker to contact you, to track you. Change your phone numbers. Leave work at different times. Change your patterns.
  2. After you break it off, and he calls – and, believe me, he or she will call – do not answer his calls and do not return his or her messages, no matter how many times he or she calls. If, after the 300th phone call, you finally pick up the phone and say “Gees, Chuck, how many times I have to tell you not to call me any more?” the only thing that will register is that you answered his/her call. The stalker will not hear the secondary rejection. He now knows your initial rejection was insincere, and, also, it will take 300 phone calls to get through to you.
  3. Document everything and work with police.

 

WHAT ABOUT A PFA OR A RESTRAINING ORDER. For the serious stalker who has made a very large personal and emotional investment in you, he or she is hooked, addicted to you. Sadly, this route will probably not work. As a matter of fact, this kind of control freak can become seriously deadly when his or her victim obtains a PFA or Restraining Order.

 

What About Asking A Friend To Confront the Stalker.  Have Him or Her Warn Him To Stop?  The idiotic, brain-damaged stalker wil interpret this action as a sign that his girlfiend is conflicted; otherwise, he will think, she qwould have told me herself.  And the police cannot intervene at this point either because he has broken no laws.

 

Until Next time, Stay Safe.

 

Hammer

ON STALKING

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND STALKING

ACCORDING To the Violence Against Women Grants Office’s 2ND Annual Report to Congress (circa 2000), “survey results indicate that stalking is a much bigger problem than previously assumed.” Well, about 10 years later, we now know how serious stalking is.

STALKING IS (as defined by most states) “the willful, malicious, and repeated following and harassing of another person” Some states throw in activities such as lying in wait, surveillance, nonconsensual communications, telephone harassment, and vandalism. Moreover, stalking usually requires a “course of conduct directed at a specific person that involves repeated – two or more – visual or physical proximity, nonconsensual communications, verbal, written, or implied threats, or a combination thereof—-causing the person to feel a high level of fear or bodily harm.”

THE SURVEY FOUND that 8% of all women and 2.2% of all men surveyed were stalked at least once in their lifetime. Thirty-eight per cent of stalking victims included wives; 10% were partners; 14% were stalked after a date or a few dates; 4% were relatives; 19% were female acquaintances (34% were male acquaintances); and 23% of women were stalked by a male stranger. Interestingly, 36% of males reported being stalked by a female stranger.

THE REPORT goes on to outline victim service providers and how they can be expected to increase their outreach to stalking victims to help these victims, assist police and prosecutors in building stalking cases, etc. I suggest, if you are a victim of stalking, that you take it seriously – I don’t have the statistics in front of me, but, believe me, if not fractured early, there is a geometric progression of aggression in the Stalker’s Cycle. Law enforcement, the Courts and the Criminal Justice System itself – along with these victim outreach program can and will help to break that vicious cycle and get you back to a normal and safe life.

BUT I MUST WARN you, the criminal justice system can get the job done, if what you want is your stalker to be targeted, intervened upon, arrested and prosecuted. And for 97-98% of the cases, if you follow through all the way until sentencing (and beyond – when he or she is released on parole or probation, even), you’ll get your wish. Of course, if you’ve done the math, you might be asking me right now, “Uhh, Hammer, that’s lovely, but, that still leave 2 to 3% of the stalkers out there that a PFA (Protection From Abuse) Order and Criminal Justice intervention won’t stop. What works with them, and who the heck are these “3-Percenters, anyway?”

Next Two Posts: The 3 Percenters and How To Stop Him (Her). Until then, Stay Safe.
Hammer