On Staying “Left of Bang.” Learn How To Prevent an Active Killer in Your Workplace or Homeplace!

I am likely guilty of oversimplifying the Left of Bang principles.  If so, I suggest you purchase the book of the same title.  If you are concerned with preventing violence or even a catastrophe, it will open your eyes.  It will blow your mind.  It may be your first step in becoming a Combat Profiler, or being able to recognize when someone is planning on bringing harm to your congregation, your classroom, yourself…

Perhaps a true story will illustrate the importance of abiding by some of the principles of Left of Bang that I have been advocating literally for decades.  This story will, I hope, prove the efficacy of establishing a Yellow State of Mind (see previous post), identifying an anomaly (from a baseline, also talked about in previous posts) and being able to move from Yellow to Orange (identifying a specific threat and matching that with a specific plan of action if that threat materializes in the Red State of Mind!

In other words, being aware, assessing what you are aware of, and once you do, anticipating what might or will happen in the immediate future unless you do something, and, then, here’s the trick:  doing something about it!

Tara Bemeth

Don’t expect specific details.  I know about Tara from my research I did for one of my books.  She was part of a security team for a Baptist church in the Denver, Colorado area.  Tara had a hardline baseline for her church.  Meaning, she knew everyone in the congregation, knew them well.  Called many of them “friend,” some were even relatives.  Tara was nowhere close to being an expert in combat profiling, or just plain, ordinary profiling.  All she was was a security team volunteer.

Oh, yeah, she was determined.  She really, truly cared that no harm would ever come to any of her friends or relatives.  There was that.

This Autumn Sunday upon which I am focused began like any other Sunday.  The pastor waxed eloquent, she noted in her report.  The congregation appeared in high spirits.  Well, most of the congregants were anyways.  There was the Brewster family (I am making up this name; my notes don’t cover this).  Mother and twin daughters.  Something about them was simply “not right (anomalous).”  They constantly looked around and from time to time the mother had to comfort the twins by stroking their hair and hugging them.

The other thing:  Mister Brewster.  He had never missed a service before.  Not as long as tara had been part of the church family.  Tara was beginning to get a  “real bad feeling.”

Mister Brewster never showed up throughout the service, and, just as it was about to end, Tara walked from the prayer session to the lobby where she was able to observe the parking lot.  There she saw the husband pacing back and forth, forth and back around his pickup truck parked sideways – unusual – away from the scores of cars owned by the usual congregants.

When the services were over, as usual, the church doors opened and several families avoided shaking hands with the pastor, which was not that unusual, but the others gathered in the usual “reception line” around the pastor with a few families departing.

Tara noticed Mister Brewster immediately going to the back of his truck and pulling out an object covered with a white towel.

Something really really was out of whack.  Tara stopped the Brewsters from leaving.  She wanted to interview the mother.  Ask about the domestic situation, but there was no time.  She alerted the pastor and the others from the security team.  No one was permitted to leave (lockdown) and the police were called.  Two of the security team, who were armed and trained, took up position.

Probably sensing something was awry, Mr. Brewster got back into his truck and rocketed out of the parking lot.  He was stopped a mile or so away.  The cops didn’t have to search hard to find the loaded shotguns and one 357 Magnum.  When interrogated, Brewster admitted being determined to gun down his wife, his children, and for undetermined reasons, the pastor.

Be Aware, Assess, Anticipate and Act.

Until next time, Stay safe.

The Hammer


ISIS, NORTH KOREA, PAKISTAN (141 children massacred), Ferguson, New York City. All in the news in the last week.  Incomprehensible violence threatening to get more violent.  The world is on fire. More violent than ever before, I think.  But those sorrowful episodes are matters for our police, CIA, SWAT, and other entities to deal with.  My question, though, for this post, is: How can you, the average woman (or man, boy or girl) protect yourself against increasing violence in your neighborhood?


  • Self-Defense is 98% “Soft-Skills,” and only 2% physical (fighting).
  • Soft-Skills include making yourself a Tough-Target. You can do this by adopting a safety-philosophy of Fake It To Make It. Whether you feel it or not, adopt a Confident and Ready Demeanor. Manifest it in how you walk, how you keep your head up, how you Mad-Dog (look at potential assailants like, WTF do you want, Dude?) others.  PST (Positive Self-Talks) can convince you to breathe tactically and even “explode upon first touch” by a bad guy.
  • Soft-Skills also include having a Plan of Action.  Be one of the 2% who not only survives an attack but prevails.  The first time you think about what to do and how to react can not be when a assailant grabs or strikes one of your body parts!
  • USE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE!  It works almost every time. An attacker depends upon a few universal beliefs.  If and when these Beliefs Fail, there is a good chance he will either break off the attack, or, almost as important, lose confidence (which weakens him).  To survive, we need to turn his belief system against him through the element of surprise:

Next Post:  ”Using Surprise To Defeat the Bad Guy!”

Until then, stay safe and think “Confident.”



As I’ve written in many of my posts, the element of surprise, is nothing short of essential in the art – if I can call it that – of defending oneself against the predatory sexual assailant (women) and criminally violent attacker (women, men, boys & girls).  Double or triple that when dealing with an attacker who is larger, stronger, faster, meaner and more prepared to destroy you without a second thought and meaner than you.


It is an inarguable truism, far as I am concerned, that, without the use of surprise, you’ve got two chances against the criminally-dedicated criminal attacker.  Cremated or conventional burial?




I separate surprise into three basic categories.


  1. “TACTICAL SURPRISE.”  Tactical Surprise is an innovative and pre-planned response to whatever the Bad Guy throws at you.  Tactical Surprise is a scary and unpleasant undertaking because, usually in order to invoke this tactic, the Bad Guy would have to have at least invaded your PSZ (Personal Safety Zone, within 3’), and, more likely to have laid hands upon you (initiated “first touch”).  Tactical Surprise depends also upon your ability to think under severe (life or death) stress.  The intended victim must be thinking clearly under the most debilitating circumstances (Survival Stress floods the mind and body with stress hormones, initiating Sympathetic Nervous System activation, causing debilitating events, such as perceptual narrowing, visual difficulties, decision-making problems, and a truckful of physiological and psychological changes).


  •  Ergo, in order to employ Tactical Surprise, you must always commit yourself to Breathe Tactically (more on this in future posts); to use “First Touch (by the Bad Guy)” as a trigger to explode violently, and to commit yourself to prevail!
  • You must also understand what the Bad Guy anticipates you, as his chosen victim, will do when attacked suddenly and spontaneously.
  • In order to be able to carry off Tactical Surprise, you must have a Plan of Action in mind before the Bad Guy even approaches.


    • Immediate Action.
    • Loud & determined vocalization.
    • Logical Movement.
    • Target Focused Counterattack (instead of hapless “slapping” eyes-closed action of a frightened victim).
    • True Anger.


  • What exactly is Tactical Surprise?
    • It is any type of countermeasure where the intended victim employs Survivor Tactics rather than those of what the attacker expects out of his intended victim.
    • More likely than not, the Bad Guy has attacked his ‘victim” because he expects that “victim” to respond in such a way and in such a manner that will prove the least amount of resistance to said attack. 
    • Meaning, Tactical Surprise can be as simple as this: 

–        If an attacker with superior strength is using that strength to pull you toward a car, bedroom, isolated spot, whatever, surprise him by initially pulling against his power, which is exactly what he expects, then, at the right moment, use his power to pull you hard into his center-line targets, and, before he knows what is happening, violently and quickly drive your knee into his groin, temple into his nose, etc.   

–       If an attacker grabs your wrist with a powerful hand, use a conventional Wrist Release, which will come as no surprise to the miscreant, but – and here’s the dealio – if and when he re-grabs your wrist(s), it’s time for invoking Tactical Surprise.  Allow the Bad Guy to hold your wrist – the tighter the better – and, in your mind (I have actually said this out loud to an idiot attacker), say “thank you, Bad Guy,” because the attacker now has no use of that  hand, or, if he has grabbed you with two hands, he has no ability to block what you are about to do next, which should be a vicious front kick to the side of his knee, or a straight kick to his groin, followed up nicely. 

–       If the Bad Guy invades your PSZ & is verbally threatening you, maybe brandishing a boulder-sized fist toward you, put up both hands, palms facing the Bad guy, in the universal gesture of “please don’t hit me; I don’t want to fight!”  This is what the Bad Guy expects you to do as his targeted victim & by doing this you invoke a sense of security in the attacker, which will be short lived as you drive both hands forward and up into his face, driving it back on his neck and following that up with knees into his groin, hammer fists into the face, etc. 


In the next post, we cover the next two levels of Surprise.

Until then, Stay safe.




Would like to share an interesting, and, in my opinion, compelling self-defense theory that I ran across earlier today.   I must admit that part of the reason I favor it is it dovetails with what I have been preaching for years.  But Matt Bryers of FightAuthority.com articulates his beliefs in such a pure and simplistic manner that I wanted to post this ASAP.


Bryers starts off with a photo of a hand holding a small heap of sand and implies that when presented in that manner against an attacker larger, stronger and meaner than you, the sand is meaningless against the assailant.  He can crush it in your hand, swat it deftly away, or, goodness knows, he can take your hand and drive the sand into your face just for the hell of it and then pound you into oblivion.


But then think about this:  what if, instead of holding a handful of sand outstretched, you waited

For the right instant and threw the sand into the attacker’s face and eyes, instantaneously distracting and (temporarily) blinding him?


Yes, you could easily take off and avoid and evade the attacker.  And, yes, you could take advantage of his inability to see and his shock to knock him down, kick him repeatedly until he no longer moved.


I am not suggesting that from this moment on you carry with you a handful of sand.  What Bryers and I are suggesting, however, is that, instead of focusing on the attacker’s strengths – which is what any attacker would prefer you do – for that is where he had you beat before you even got out of bed that morning – it is in your interest that you focus on universal weakness – injury – and “Be That Grain of Sand.”


After all, Bryers insists, “everyone has different strengths, but we all break the same.”


In future posts, then, we will talk about the Universal Weakness, which is injury, and how we can concentrate our efforts, if ever attacked with true, raw (Street) Violence, to cause injury to that person who has the misfortune to choose you as a victim because you are perceived to be weaker, slower, less violent than he.


Remember.  We all have different strengths and there are those  out there who will attack you because of your perceived weaknesses.  It is part of the attacker’s game plan that you will counterattack his strengths (he pulls you toward a car or an alley or grapples with you or tries to strangle you & you try to use your strength to pull away or pry his hands off your neck) instead of what I ask you to do, counterattack his weakness and his secret fears by being that grain of sand!




Fighting Arts for Women – Reverse the Predator/Prey Principle

According to Lori Hartman Gervasi, in her seminal book, Fight Like a Girl–and Win, EVERY attack against women starts with the element of surprise. Although I might argue that some attacks are highly predictable, mayhap even expected by the victim (consider domestic violence, for one), for the sake of brevity and time, let’s concede the point.  Fact is, the male (and sometimes, female) attacker understands the cogency of the element of surprise in first charming, then disarming, and finally destroying the victim with as little fight as possible.

In my Fighting Arts for Women classes the theme is always this:  Reverse the Predator/Prey Principle. Simply put, I advocate taking the attacker’s mind set and expectations and totally flipping the mentality upside down by invoking the Element of Surprise on our part!

In any “life or death fight” where one side is dramatically overmatched, I say, Surprise is probably the only thing that can change the game in the woman’s (or child or teen facing a predator, bully, etc) favor!  Think of this:  when a woman is attacked, more often than not, her attacker is larger, stronger, faster, armed, in the company of an accomplice, plus, is often prepared with an attack plan.  Not only that, the bad guy has often tracked his prey for minutes, hours, days, sometimes months.  He has given this attack a lot of thought, even to the point of waiting to assault you in an environment with poor lighting, poor footing, and in a space where his victim has little room to escape or fight.


Good question.  A little tempremental, but, still, good question.  What you do – what you must do – is do the unexpected. Believe it or not, you have an edge.  Not a big one, but an edge nevertheless.  And what is that Edge you have?

The Bad Guy’s Expectations.

In 97 to 98% of the attack scenarios, the bad guy expects you to be meek, to surrender without a fight, to beg for your life.  He often gets off on your fear, on the look of terror in your eyes. That look of “recognition” that you are the prey about to be dragged into an isolated corner of the world so the predator can torment and torture you until he finally rapes, robs and murders you.


Open up a big can of Whoop-Ass on the monster by using the element of surprise.  Sensei Michael Pace used the acronym “SNEAK” to describe the process.

Surprise is the first and most important element.  Surprise is activated by fulfilling the bad guy’s expectations initially, and, then, suddenly exploding in his face!

Non-Violent is the 2nd element.  Before counter-attacking, you must appear non-violent.

Explode is the 3rd element.  You must “explode” from non-violent to ultra-violent in a split second.  When you explode, go nuts, liberate the beast.  You are all over his ass!

Aggressive:  Incorporate an aggressive attitude.  No longer a nice girl.

Knock the Bad Guy out of the fight.

Okay, you might be saying, that’s nice, but how the hell do I do this? In the next few posts I will be going over a few strategems, but, how about trying this one on for size?

The Bad Guy approaches with that “look” in his eyes.  Despite your protests he steps into your space.  Your gut instincts are screaming at you to get the hell out of there, but when you try to move he blocks your exit.  You know for sure you are about to be attacked in some way.  Put both hands up in front of your face, palms facing the guy’s face – the universal “Compliance Stance” – and you even “beg” him to let you go.

Then, suddenly, you bend your knees for power and drive both hands hard and fast into his head, driving up as if trying to knock his head off of his shoulders.  Before he knows what is happening, his head snaps back and he is off-balance and all his Primary Targets are open for a follow-up strike!  There are no apologies or excuses in self defense:  Show No Mercy and hit those open targets with everything you have until it is safe for you to escape.

Even if the Bad Guy has one of your hands under control.  Use your free hand and go for his head.  No head can withstand the power of your entire body.

This will work.

Until the next post, stay safe.

The Hammer


The theme here is that – as bad as things may look – it aint over ‘til it’s over. The bedroom attacker may make a mistake – many of them do – caused by overconfidence, or you might – if you keep your mind clear (not an easy thing to do) – find an opening that can set you free.


September 27, 2009

In my last post I talked of a situation where the Bad Guy is sitting atop his victim’s chest, his knees painfully pinning her arms, then, apparently seizing the moment when she stops struggling, he pauses to unzip his trousers anticipating oral sex.When the attacker does this – and this is something I hope you remember – he is compromising his balance and is most vulnerable to any kind of rapid balance displacement move on your part.

Roll the Bad Guy off using the following steps:

1) TRAP the foot on the side you intend to throw the attacker by placing your weakside foot on the outside of his foot (Posting or Trapping).

2) Slide your opposite foot inward until it is just below the attacker’s buttocks, Your thigh should be touching his rear end and the sole of that foot should be flat on the deck.

3) Reach up with the hand on the opposite side as the Bad Guy’s trapped foot and grab him by the shirt.

4) Simultaneously and powerfully as you can, drive your butt in the air (bridge) and push hard with the leg and foot that you had slid close to his buttocks (heel flat on the ground) in order to propel the Bad Guy off of you. At the same time, pull the hand that has hold of his shirt in the direction you wish him to roll.

5) Imagine that your butt is lifting up and driving your navel or belt buckle directly into the mattress.

6) Never give up. Use all your power. You can do it.

7) Once the attacker is off of you, strike him with whatever personal weapon (bite, gouge, knee him, kick him, drive the heel of your foot into his face) you have and get out of Dodge.

One note:As always, it is up to you if and how you do this.You can wait until he is distracted by un-zippering, or you can play into his plans by acting like you are giving up and will do what he wants. Women /girls have waited until the attacker actually had his member out and was starting to move it toward the victim’s mouth when they made their move. It was the last thing the Bad Guy expected!

Another escape I often teach features the attacker crawling up and attempting to get inside the woman’s legs. I actually advocate the woman spreading her legs – which is what the Bad Guy wants. Once he is inside and puts her in a choke hold, I teach women to latch onto both hands and not let go, while, simultaneously kicking the attacker in the ribs and back of the head with her legs and feet. I then teach the intended victim to “shrimp up” to gain distance from the attacker so she can drive both of her heels into his hips. Now, simultaneously hold onto the hands and drive the feet into the subject, and, then, while still holding onto his hands drive both feet hard into his face. Escape.

Stay safe.




Ever ask yourself what would I do if ever I was attacked while I was asleep? I get the question a lot at my Survival Skills for Women classes. I get a lot of questions about darn near every conceivable type of attack under every situation possible, and some that are not possible. I’ll get to some of those other questions in future posts, but, for now, I thought I’d wax on about what you might if ever you were attacked in bed.

Once again, I’m going to ask you to rely on a cluster of dependable and effective principles rather than specific techniques that you would have to dredge up from your subconscious while some creep is pinning you down and your heart rate is spiking through the roof as the result of survival stress.

These Principles are simple and there aren’t too many of them. They are the same for just about any type of attack, including the bedroom assault.

v Breathe Tactically. Most victims in this situation hold their breath and say nothing, which to the attacker is like an engraved invitation to have fun, do whatever you wish to me.

v Do Something. Never Freeze.

v Say Something. Freezing and staying mute in the face of a life and death attack empowers the villain and disempowers you! “Get back!”

v Hit An Open Target. It’s damned near Natural Law. At least one of the 3 or 4 vital targets will be open. Hit it hard and others will pop open.


Hold the phone. You say, “well, that’s all fine and dandy, but, you see, I will almost always be under my sheet and blanket. It is likely that I will not be able to use my hands.

Good point. Here’s another point: If you are unable to use your personal weapons now, understand that at some point in this ordeal, the Bad Guy must let down his defenses, which is exactly when you can and must strike!

If the attacker is there simply to pound you and nothing else, you are in serious doo-doo, if your arms are pinned (domestic violence), I admit that. But, in the scenario of a rapist who is attacking you in your bed, more likely than not, he will eventually pull down the covers in order to do what it is he came to do. When he pulls the sheets away, it is your time to deliver the Bedroom Surprise.

Ok, lets assume now the covers are off and your hands and feet are free.


v Bad Guy is standing at the side of your bed. You awake. Raise the leg on the side where the assailant is standing. This will prevent him – believe it or not – from climbing on top of you. Two things to consider here:

(1) None of his targets are available to you. They may be open, but there is no way you can hit them.

(2) However, in order to harm you, he must get closer to you. If and when he bends to choke you, his eyes are now within your reach. Quickly drive the closest hand into his eyes. If you hit them, he will recoil, I guarantee it. When he does that, either dive off the bed in the other direction, or, better yet, roll off toward him and knee him in the groin and keep hitting him until you can escape safely.

v Bad Guy is sitting on your chest and he has both your hands pinned above your head. You might say to yourself, I am truly screwed here. Cannot blame you one iota because this is a very hard attack to escape, especially when you lack upper body strength. A good thing to remember is the Bad Guy expects you to try to escape by pushing him off of you. It is important that you use the element of surprise here, though.

(1) Bend both your legs bringing them right up close so that your thighs are against his buttocks, making sure to keep both heels flat on the deck. The crucial move is to distract the attacker by biting him or kicking him and then jerking your hands quickly so that both hands are now even with your shoulders.

(2) Either Pretend to give up, or throw him off.

NOTE: Think about this. Both of the Bad Guy’s hands are tied up, as are yours. This is a stand-off. Women have escaped this situation by crying and saying “I give up,” at which time the attacker loosened his grip and reached to unzip his fly. It is at that very second that he is most off-balance and thrusting him off of you is most easily accomplished).

(3) To throw him off, simultaneously power both arms down toward your sides and thrust your hips/buttocks straight up and then roll so that your navel or belt buckle is driven directly into the ground.

v BAD GUY SITS ON YOUR CHEST, PINNING BOTH ARMS WITH INSIDE OF KNEES. The Bad Guy may try to force you into performing oral sex. This is actually a vulnerable situation the Bad Guy has placed himself in. Instantaneously raise your buttocks off the bed and anchor both heels to the inside of his shoulders. Now pull him backwards by driving your legs back.

Next: More Bedroom Escapes.


Self Defense For Women: Task Oriented Targets

The Fighting Arts for Women – Target-Focused Survival.

You might not know much about survival stress, but, for the sake of brevity, let me just say that once you are attacked from close quarters – especially a spontaneous, surprise attack – your SNS (Sympathetic Nervous System) will flood your entire system with stress hormones, which, again to keep it brief, will pretty much shut down your ability to think exactly when you need to think and act as well and as quickly as possible.

Assuming you are not preparing yourself to respond quickly (fight) every time you answer your door; every time you turn a blind corner; every time you get into or go out of your car; every time you walk down a darkened street where escape routes and barricades are few and far between you need to rely on Principles of the Fighting Arts. Principles are great because they are designed to serve you well no matter what the circumstance.


1. Breathe Tactically Upon First Touch (understand that 9 out of 10 victims freeze when first touched and understand that you require oxygenated blood flowing to your brain to act).
2. Use First Touch as a Trigger to Explode Into Action.
3. Always Look For Open Targets and Hit Them Hard and Hit Them Often.
· There are other key principles, but let’s focus on this principle.
· Assuming you are not training hard in the Fighting Arts, you must rely on your eyes Many victims close their eyes and just flail away in a slapping motion. Please resist this urge. Keep your eyes open, keep breathing, and become—
· Task Oriented. You can do this. You must do this. Seeking out Primary and Secondary Targets is within your power, no matter how much stress you are under. If the Bad Guy has both your arms under control, ask yourself If he’s using both hands, well, heck, what targets can he be blocking? The answer: Zero! A Bad Guy can only block two or three possible targets at any one time.
· STAY FOCUSED. There may be times when the Bad Guy has your striking levers tied up, but, if you stay focused and take your punishment for a while, one or more of the following targets will open up. Wait, keep breathing,.


Ø Eyes.
Ø Throat.
Ø Groin.
Ø Knees.
Ø Nose.
Ø Ears.
Ø Temple.
Ø Back of Head.
Ø Chin (at the hinge).
Ø Sides of Neck (Brachial Plexus Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Jugular Notch (just below Adam’s Apple).
Ø Clavicles (easily assesses and easily broken).
Ø Forearms.
Ø Wrists.
Ø Top of Hands.
Ø Fingers (twisted/broken).
Ø Stomach.
Ø Obliques (Pinch the “love handles” when the Bad Guy grabs you from behind).
Ø Kidneys.
Ø Insides and outsides of thighs (Femoral Nerve Motor Point and Common Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Back of Legs (Tibial Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Upper, middle and lower shins (Superficial Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Top of feet.

I might have missed one or two. Fact is, as you can see, there are a bajillion targets you can hit. Hit a target well and other will open up.

Good Luck. Stay Safe. Until Next Time.

Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Top of feet.

I might have missed one or two. Fact is, as you can see, there are a bajillion targets you can hit. Hit a target well and other will open up.

Good Luck. Stay Safe. Until Next Time.



WHEN it comes to stopping a stalker, making him or her gone, it is best to cut your losses and make the stalker disappear out of your life at the earliest possible moment following the realization that you are dealing with one in the first place. You might be thinking easier said than done, but, hell, Dog, it doesn’t seem to me you have any choice, unless, that is, you feel like being harassed and eventually vandalized, assaulted, maybe even killed. No brainer, far as I’m concerned, If you agree, read on:


First of all, some pithy and prophetic axioms of stalking:


  • Men who can’t let go chose women who can’t say no.
  • The nicer the rejection, the more the stalker will interpret it as affection.
  • The best way to stop contact with a stalker is to stop contact with a stalker.


Secondly, how about a few Stalker Danger Signs:


  • Stalker will research his/her victim early. An example of this might be the stalker asking others at a party questions about the eventual victim.
  • Stalker is overly invested. An example of this might be meeting a man or woman and the same night receiving three or four messages from him/her.
  • Refusal to accept “no.” The stalker will negotiate and argue when his/her victim says he or she is not interested.
  • Hyper-Attentiveness.
  • Early on the victim feels uncomfortable about the stalker and his/her actions, mind set, etc.
  • Early on, stalker offers unsolicited help. Tries to get self invested in victim’s life.
  • Stalker projects emotions, feelings, actions ON TO THE VICTIM that are not present.
  • Stalker romances victim at a mind-numbing whirlwind pace.
  • Stalker monitors victim’s activities, whereabouts, etc.
  • Hyper-Jealousy.
  • Isolates victim from family and friends.
  • Refusal to hear “no!”




  1. Contact police or trusted authority figure ASAP.
  3. Make it clear that you are breaking it off because of his/her actions, not because of another suitor/you just want to be friends because you are not ready/whatever. Again: You do not want to see the stalker because of his or her actions!

________________________________________________ ______________________________________

Hammer Note: Maybe a little insight into the way a stalker thinks will help here: If you say, “I’m sorry, Betty/Bruce, but I don’t think we should see each other any more. I met a man/woman at work and we just fell in love. I didn’t want it to happen, but it did—“ Trust me, the stalker will immediately think: Ok. Fine. All I have to do is make this new guy simply disappear and she will be mine, all mine! Again. It has to be cold and it has to be final!

______________________________________________________________ _________________________


  1. If the above 3 tactics fail, make it tougher for the stalker to contact you, to track you. Change your phone numbers. Leave work at different times. Change your patterns.
  2. After you break it off, and he calls – and, believe me, he or she will call – do not answer his calls and do not return his or her messages, no matter how many times he or she calls. If, after the 300th phone call, you finally pick up the phone and say “Gees, Chuck, how many times I have to tell you not to call me any more?” the only thing that will register is that you answered his/her call. The stalker will not hear the secondary rejection. He now knows your initial rejection was insincere, and, also, it will take 300 phone calls to get through to you.
  3. Document everything and work with police.


WHAT ABOUT A PFA OR A RESTRAINING ORDER. For the serious stalker who has made a very large personal and emotional investment in you, he or she is hooked, addicted to you. Sadly, this route will probably not work. As a matter of fact, this kind of control freak can become seriously deadly when his or her victim obtains a PFA or Restraining Order.


What About Asking A Friend To Confront the Stalker.  Have Him or Her Warn Him To Stop?  The idiotic, brain-damaged stalker wil interpret this action as a sign that his girlfiend is conflicted; otherwise, he will think, she qwould have told me herself.  And the police cannot intervene at this point either because he has broken no laws.


Until Next time, Stay Safe.





ACCORDING To the Violence Against Women Grants Office’s 2ND Annual Report to Congress (circa 2000), “survey results indicate that stalking is a much bigger problem than previously assumed.” Well, about 10 years later, we now know how serious stalking is.

STALKING IS (as defined by most states) “the willful, malicious, and repeated following and harassing of another person” Some states throw in activities such as lying in wait, surveillance, nonconsensual communications, telephone harassment, and vandalism. Moreover, stalking usually requires a “course of conduct directed at a specific person that involves repeated – two or more – visual or physical proximity, nonconsensual communications, verbal, written, or implied threats, or a combination thereof—-causing the person to feel a high level of fear or bodily harm.”

THE SURVEY FOUND that 8% of all women and 2.2% of all men surveyed were stalked at least once in their lifetime. Thirty-eight per cent of stalking victims included wives; 10% were partners; 14% were stalked after a date or a few dates; 4% were relatives; 19% were female acquaintances (34% were male acquaintances); and 23% of women were stalked by a male stranger. Interestingly, 36% of males reported being stalked by a female stranger.

THE REPORT goes on to outline victim service providers and how they can be expected to increase their outreach to stalking victims to help these victims, assist police and prosecutors in building stalking cases, etc. I suggest, if you are a victim of stalking, that you take it seriously – I don’t have the statistics in front of me, but, believe me, if not fractured early, there is a geometric progression of aggression in the Stalker’s Cycle. Law enforcement, the Courts and the Criminal Justice System itself – along with these victim outreach program can and will help to break that vicious cycle and get you back to a normal and safe life.

BUT I MUST WARN you, the criminal justice system can get the job done, if what you want is your stalker to be targeted, intervened upon, arrested and prosecuted. And for 97-98% of the cases, if you follow through all the way until sentencing (and beyond – when he or she is released on parole or probation, even), you’ll get your wish. Of course, if you’ve done the math, you might be asking me right now, “Uhh, Hammer, that’s lovely, but, that still leave 2 to 3% of the stalkers out there that a PFA (Protection From Abuse) Order and Criminal Justice intervention won’t stop. What works with them, and who the heck are these “3-Percenters, anyway?”

Next Two Posts: The 3 Percenters and How To Stop Him (Her). Until then, Stay Safe.