BEDROOM SURPRISE

BEDROOM SURPRISE

Ever ask yourself what would I do if ever I was attacked while I was asleep? I get the question a lot at my Survival Skills for Women classes. I get a lot of questions about darn near every conceivable type of attack under every situation possible, and some that are not possible. I’ll get to some of those other questions in future posts, but, for now, I thought I’d wax on about what you might if ever you were attacked in bed.

Once again, I’m going to ask you to rely on a cluster of dependable and effective principles rather than specific techniques that you would have to dredge up from your subconscious while some creep is pinning you down and your heart rate is spiking through the roof as the result of survival stress.

These Principles are simple and there aren’t too many of them. They are the same for just about any type of attack, including the bedroom assault.

v Breathe Tactically. Most victims in this situation hold their breath and say nothing, which to the attacker is like an engraved invitation to have fun, do whatever you wish to me.

v Do Something. Never Freeze.

v Say Something. Freezing and staying mute in the face of a life and death attack empowers the villain and disempowers you! “Get back!”

v Hit An Open Target. It’s damned near Natural Law. At least one of the 3 or 4 vital targets will be open. Hit it hard and others will pop open.

v USE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE. TURN HIS EXPECTATION AGAINST HIM!

Hold the phone. You say, “well, that’s all fine and dandy, but, you see, I will almost always be under my sheet and blanket. It is likely that I will not be able to use my hands.

Good point. Here’s another point: If you are unable to use your personal weapons now, understand that at some point in this ordeal, the Bad Guy must let down his defenses, which is exactly when you can and must strike!

If the attacker is there simply to pound you and nothing else, you are in serious doo-doo, if your arms are pinned (domestic violence), I admit that. But, in the scenario of a rapist who is attacking you in your bed, more likely than not, he will eventually pull down the covers in order to do what it is he came to do. When he pulls the sheets away, it is your time to deliver the Bedroom Surprise.

Ok, lets assume now the covers are off and your hands and feet are free.

ASSAULTS AND ESCAPES

v Bad Guy is standing at the side of your bed. You awake. Raise the leg on the side where the assailant is standing. This will prevent him – believe it or not – from climbing on top of you. Two things to consider here:

(1) None of his targets are available to you. They may be open, but there is no way you can hit them.

(2) However, in order to harm you, he must get closer to you. If and when he bends to choke you, his eyes are now within your reach. Quickly drive the closest hand into his eyes. If you hit them, he will recoil, I guarantee it. When he does that, either dive off the bed in the other direction, or, better yet, roll off toward him and knee him in the groin and keep hitting him until you can escape safely.

v Bad Guy is sitting on your chest and he has both your hands pinned above your head. You might say to yourself, I am truly screwed here. Cannot blame you one iota because this is a very hard attack to escape, especially when you lack upper body strength. A good thing to remember is the Bad Guy expects you to try to escape by pushing him off of you. It is important that you use the element of surprise here, though.

(1) Bend both your legs bringing them right up close so that your thighs are against his buttocks, making sure to keep both heels flat on the deck. The crucial move is to distract the attacker by biting him or kicking him and then jerking your hands quickly so that both hands are now even with your shoulders.

(2) Either Pretend to give up, or throw him off.

NOTE: Think about this. Both of the Bad Guy’s hands are tied up, as are yours. This is a stand-off. Women have escaped this situation by crying and saying “I give up,” at which time the attacker loosened his grip and reached to unzip his fly. It is at that very second that he is most off-balance and thrusting him off of you is most easily accomplished).

(3) To throw him off, simultaneously power both arms down toward your sides and thrust your hips/buttocks straight up and then roll so that your navel or belt buckle is driven directly into the ground.

v BAD GUY SITS ON YOUR CHEST, PINNING BOTH ARMS WITH INSIDE OF KNEES. The Bad Guy may try to force you into performing oral sex. This is actually a vulnerable situation the Bad Guy has placed himself in. Instantaneously raise your buttocks off the bed and anchor both heels to the inside of his shoulders. Now pull him backwards by driving your legs back.

Next: More Bedroom Escapes.

Hammer

SO NOW WHAT DO YOU DO?

WORKPLACE VIOLENCE: SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?

The question my last post left you with was: “So, despite your efforts to prevent being victimized, your co-worker or client is striding toward you, his face contorted in rage, his fists clenched, and he is about to invade your Personal Safety Zone (PSZ). What do you do?

At the risk of oversimplifying the situation, there are a few things I would do as quickly as possible. And, if I may add, I would do them decisively and, importantly without hesitation caused by thoughts and/or concerns regarding my company’s Zero Tolerance of Violence Protocol.

See, the thing is, the key difference between you and the person about to main or kill you (and I am still thinking of Ms. Lee, the Yale graduate student who was choked and beaten to death and stuffed inside a wall on her wedding day) is intent. The perpetrator’s sole thought and focus is on you. You are the target and nothing else on Earth exists. If your mind and focus shifts to anything but your attacker – even for a millisecond – you are toast.

Anywho, there are a few things I would do and do quickly:

v STUN THE HYPER-FOCUSED IDIOT. A great tactic is to take the attacker’s strengths and mindset and turn them against him/her. We know he is focused only on you, so break his focus. Think of it as Changing His/Her Channels. Any move that changes his focus from Channel 6, which he wants to be on, to another channel will slow him down, fragment his strategy, and split the crucial connection between his/her mind and body.

Ø Scream or Yell “Stop!” Sounds stupid, but this will work. It will only work one time, but it will startle him, maybe give you time to escape.

Ø Physically Distract Him/Her. This, too, will work. Has worked for me on several occasions. Throw an object toward him, toward his face – something like a hat, a pen, something.

Ø Verbally Distract Him or Her. “Holy crap, Andy, what the hell is that on your shirt?” said while backing up and pointing at his chest. Once again, it has the effect of changing his or her channel.

v CONTROL YOUR SPACE. Without crossing your feet (and tripping) J-Step or move diagonally or laterally away, denying the subject the ability to invade your safety zone. Let him know what you want him to do. Say something, and when you say it, mean business. “Stay Back!” The longer you can delay the attack the better your chances for survival.

v USE BARRICADES IN THE ENVIRONMENT. Hopefully, your mind will have the ability to think clearly. There should be furniture in your environment that you can use to separate you from the attacker. Increase your distance from the perpetrator. Maybe throw a chair or something else at his feet. Always keep moving.

v BREATHE DON’T FREEZE. We all need oxygenated blood flowing freely so our brains can analyze, evaluate. And formulate a survival strategy. Always breathe consciously to kick you into gear.

v USE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE AND DEFEND YOURSELF. I have discussed surprise strategies in so many past posts that I don’t think I will go into them here and now. Not only that, Tactics of Surprise cannot be taught in a blog. They must come from you depending on what you perceive the attacker least expects.

v EXECUTE THE PLAN YOU HAD DEVELOPED. The reason I say I know what I would do in this or that case is I know I would always have a Plan A and even a Plan B (failure plan)  in mind before any attack began, especially if I found myself in a situation where I felt an attack was a possibility.

Stay Safe.

Hammer

MANAGING VIOLENCE IN THE WORKPLACE

MANAGING WORKPLACE VIOLENCE

My last post – let’s face it – was basically me venting after the senseless murder of a Yale graduate student – a woman – in the supposedly high security lab environment of that esteemed university. The police have dubbed the murder as workplace violence, and, although I don’t completely agree, I posted a monograph on Woman and Workplace Violence (WPV). As I promised at the end of that post, let’s talk a bit about how to effectively deal – on a personal level – with people and events that seem to be cascading toward all –out violence on the job site.

FACTORS THAT PLACE WORKERS AT RISK FOR WPV.

v Contact with the public.

v Responsibilities include the exchange of money.

v The delivery of passengers, goods and/or service.

v Working alone or in small numbers.

v Working with volatile, unstable person(s), et al.

v Working late at night or in the early morning hours.

v Working in a high crime area.

v Guarding valuable properties, including drugs, etc.

v Delivery of home care services.

As you may have noticed, only two of those factors existed relative to the murder of Ms. Lee. She was working alone and she was working in the same location as what turned out to be a volatile, unstable person.

RECOGNIZING THOSE RED, RED FLAGS.

If at all possible, of course, work in the company of people whom you trust. More likely than not, if Ms. Lee had, the angry, emotionally disturbed and volatile person would have stewed in his own rage for a while and gone on his way, leaving Ms. Lee unharmed.

However, if you read my last post (Lust Or WPV?), you might be aware that homicide is the number one cause of death for women (in the workplace). You would also know that incidents of stalking, rape, sexual assault, and other types of violence are visited on women in alarmingly increasing numbers.

My point: Even if she would have gone to the Yale lab with one or two friends, the perpetrator likely would have attempted to stalk, trap and attack Ms. Lee when she was alone and vulnerable.

What then are some of the Red Flags, or Signatures of Danger, you can use to help you profile someone you want to either stay clear of, or, more likely, prepare a self defense plan against?

v A history of violence, stalking, etc. (The Perp in this case had this history).

v He/She has stalked or harassed another worker in the past.

v Some or Many of your co-workers communicate that they also feel uncomfortable around this person.

v The worker is almost always rigid, inflexible, intransigent in how he/she handles work and social-related issues.

v Displays signs of chronic sadness, hopelessness, depression.

v The worker often states his or her hopelessness.

v The worker identifies with past perpetrators of spectacular WPV.

v A Fascination with guns and other weapons.

v Reacts poorly to criticism.

v Projects blame onto others.

v Sees himself as being on a One-Man Crusade.

Ok, so you recognize several of these factors, plus, importantly, you and others feel terribly uncomfortable around the worker, plus, and now I refer to the Yale Incident, he strides toward you, his face contorted in rage, his fists clenched, and he is about to invade your PSZ (Personal Safety Zone).

What do you do?

Stay Tuned For the Next Post. Until Then, Stay Safe.

Hammer

PACE – An Equation for Managing Workplace Violence.

SET THE P.A.C.E. – A Guide For Managing Critical Threat in the Workplace.

 

I’ve been examining some protocols and procedures for managing critical incidents (my terminology, not theirs), and, while they are commendable, I believe in Verbal Judo’s paradigm (I am a former Advanced verbal Judo Instructor) for managing potential catastrophic (critical) incidents. P.A.C.E. is a flexible and enduring set of principles for handling the critical incident in a school place or other type of workplace that can be effective in resolving almost any crises I have come across.

 

A Critical Incident, by the way, is a term I use to describe a situation or scenario where a worker, administrator, student, client or patron, or the perpetrator himself has been killed, or, more likely, the threat of death or serious injury exists. Three examples that come immediately to mind are a hostage situation, an enraged intruder with a gun and/or a worker threatening to take his or her life, and, by definition one or two others down with him. What follows is a procedure that has saved lives in these and other critical incidents.

 

P.A.C.E.

 

PROBLEM. The responding person (security, Resource Officer, employee, or responding law enforcement) needs to ask him/herself and/or the agitated person exactly what is the problem here? Determine not only what is the problem from your perspective, but that of the perpetrator, also.

 

AUDIENCE. What role is the audience playing in the severity of this problem? Moreover, what danger is the audience in if they are allowed to remain on the scene? And, of course, what, if anything can be done to remove or at least neutralize the audience?

 

CONSTRAINTS. Now ask yourself primarily what is or are the constraint(s) that is or are blocking you from resolving this problem? Is there anything you can do to use this constraint to resolve this issue? What can be done to work around this constraint(s)?  I will point out how I suggest you can use constrainst to resolve a situation in a future post.

 

ETHICAL CONCERN. What do you, the responder, have to do to create the needed empathic or ethical perception to affect the agitated person? One needs to adopt a compassionate, caring and genuine ethical presence, yet remain in control of the situation.

 

SPECIFIC WORKPLACE STRATEGIES TO MANAGE AN INSTRUDER OR WORKER WITH A GUN.

(As an Example)

 

  1. Assess the Situation.
  2. Notify Police. Provide as much cogent information as possible. Be prepared to act as a liaison.
  1. a) Who is the gunman?
  2. b) Where is he located?
  3. c) Description of the weapon(s).
  4. d) Evidence that the gun is loaded? Has he discharged the weapon? What has his actual threats been?
  5. e) Are there any injured/dead victims?
  6. f) Is there a targeted victim on the scene?
  7. g) Any pertinent background information on the perpetrator?
  8. h) Quoted reasons or speculated reasons why person is carrying the weapon or plans to shoot?
  1. Isolate the individual or suspect.   Cut and Herd the Audience.
  2. Confer with police once they arrive. Allow them t  o instruct you and others on how you should proceed and how they intend to proceed.
  3. Independent of the police, if interaction with the perpetrator is imminent, do not use force or touch the person or weapon.
  4. Avoid sudden moves or gestures (I always say, “Slow It Down!”).
  5. Remain Calm. Keep voice void of fear or panic. Your tone and/or demeanor will strongly influence the outcome.
  6. Allow one other administrator know about the situation. But limit information to staff and workers on a need-to-know basis.
  7. Use pre-designed emergency signals to 0notify staff of the situation.  Deside whether to Lock Down or Evacuate.

 

QUICK GUIDELINES FOR HANDLING A WEAPON-WIELDING WORKER.

  • EVACUATE THE AREA.
  • EVALUATE THE PERP.
  • ISOLATE THE PERP.
  • NEGOTIATE.
  • REMAIN CALM.
  • GET HELP.
  • AVOID HEROICS.
  • DO NOT THREATEN.
  • KEEP A SAFE, NON-INTIMIDATING DISTANCE.
  • SLOW IT DOWN. AVOID ABRUPT, SPORADIC MOVEMENTS.
  • USE BARRICADES IN THE ENVIRONMENT FOR COVER.
  • REPORT INCIDENTS TO LAW ENFORCEMENT.

 

Until the next post, Stay Safe.

 

HAMMER

Self Defense For Women: Task Oriented Targets

The Fighting Arts for Women – Target-Focused Survival.

You might not know much about survival stress, but, for the sake of brevity, let me just say that once you are attacked from close quarters – especially a spontaneous, surprise attack – your SNS (Sympathetic Nervous System) will flood your entire system with stress hormones, which, again to keep it brief, will pretty much shut down your ability to think exactly when you need to think and act as well and as quickly as possible.

Assuming you are not preparing yourself to respond quickly (fight) every time you answer your door; every time you turn a blind corner; every time you get into or go out of your car; every time you walk down a darkened street where escape routes and barricades are few and far between you need to rely on Principles of the Fighting Arts. Principles are great because they are designed to serve you well no matter what the circumstance.

TIME PROVEN AND RELIABLE PRINCIPLES.

1. Breathe Tactically Upon First Touch (understand that 9 out of 10 victims freeze when first touched and understand that you require oxygenated blood flowing to your brain to act).
2. Use First Touch as a Trigger to Explode Into Action.
3. Always Look For Open Targets and Hit Them Hard and Hit Them Often.
· There are other key principles, but let’s focus on this principle.
· Assuming you are not training hard in the Fighting Arts, you must rely on your eyes Many victims close their eyes and just flail away in a slapping motion. Please resist this urge. Keep your eyes open, keep breathing, and become—
· Task Oriented. You can do this. You must do this. Seeking out Primary and Secondary Targets is within your power, no matter how much stress you are under. If the Bad Guy has both your arms under control, ask yourself If he’s using both hands, well, heck, what targets can he be blocking? The answer: Zero! A Bad Guy can only block two or three possible targets at any one time.
· STAY FOCUSED. There may be times when the Bad Guy has your striking levers tied up, but, if you stay focused and take your punishment for a while, one or more of the following targets will open up. Wait, keep breathing,.

TARGETS.

Ø Eyes.
Ø Throat.
Ø Groin.
Ø Knees.
Ø Nose.
Ø Ears.
Ø Temple.
Ø Back of Head.
Ø Chin (at the hinge).
Ø Sides of Neck (Brachial Plexus Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Jugular Notch (just below Adam’s Apple).
Ø Clavicles (easily assesses and easily broken).
Ø Forearms.
Ø Wrists.
Ø Top of Hands.
Ø Fingers (twisted/broken).
Ø Stomach.
Ø Obliques (Pinch the “love handles” when the Bad Guy grabs you from behind).
Ø Kidneys.
Ø Insides and outsides of thighs (Femoral Nerve Motor Point and Common Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Back of Legs (Tibial Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Upper, middle and lower shins (Superficial Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Top of feet.

I might have missed one or two. Fact is, as you can see, there are a bajillion targets you can hit. Hit a target well and other will open up.

Good Luck. Stay Safe. Until Next Time.

Hammer
Peroneal Nerve Motor Point).
Ø Top of feet.

I might have missed one or two. Fact is, as you can see, there are a bajillion targets you can hit. Hit a target well and other will open up.

Good Luck. Stay Safe. Until Next Time.

Hammer

SHATTERING THE STALKER’S SCRIPT

KNOW YOUR ENEMY and you shall own him, a great warrior once said and I’m here to tell you that Tsun Tse’s words are true. So, let’s take a sec and look at the Psychology of the Stalker when he’s on the street.

  • He depends on victim compliance.
  • He almost always has a pre-planned strategy, or even a fantasy script. He spends an amazing amount of time planning the attack. The thrill of the kill plays a big role in the entire “game” he plays.
  • When he approaches his target, the longer this script is allowed to play out, the more confident and powerful he feels. The bolder he will become.
  • The stalker is often stunned and confused by any quick, decisive action (counter-measure) that violates his “script.”
  • Many stalkers lose interest during the initial “testing” stage when his victim refuses to act like the victim in his script.
  • Real-Time Stalkers always have a Victim-Profile in mind.

 

The Mindset that Shatters the Stalker’s Script.

 

  • She refuses to be tested.
  • She always controls her space. No one gets in unless she wants him or her to, and that never includes a stalker!
  • Establishes a defiant “combat stance” when the stalker invades her space. Not only that, she is willing and able to act rude, arrogant and profane.
  • She always has a plan. She anticipates (If “A” happens, I will do “B.” If “B” does not work, I will never give up and I will do “C.”
  • She verbally confronts harassment as soon as it begins (“testing” begins as harassment).
  • Even though she is feeling fear, she gives the appearance of defiance and confrontation.
  • She is willing to do anything it takes to survive.

 

PROCEDURES OF PROTECTION AGAINST STALKING.

 

  1. If you believe you’re being stalked, break off your route (he has already marked you as an ideal victim and is following you to see if you enter a low-witness area, which is what his scripted victim would do. Change directions, cross the street, or enter a public building. Watch the stalker from the safety of the building (unless he follows you into the building. If so, seek security).
  2. After a time, if you do not see the stalker, you can exit the building, making sure he is no longer there (chances are, he won’t be. You have screwed up his “fantasy script.”).
  3. If he is still around, establish eye contact and look defiant. Make him aware you know what he is up to!
  4. When possible, stay in a high-witness area. If he returns and is tracking you, he will match your pace.
  5. This is the time you have to tell yourself that this is it. Prepare yourself. And the best way to prepare yourself for the coming stalker-testing, invasion of your personal space, and eventual attack is:
    • Prepare a pithy, dismissive verbal response now.
    • Prepare a flexible physical fighting plan now (Note: I did not say Counter Attack Plan. You might want to attack him before he can strike or grab you).
    • You will require 110% Commitment To Survival. Giving up when your first plan of action does not dispatch him.

 

Until Nest Time, Stay Safe.

Hammer.

STALKER BE GONE

WHEN it comes to stopping a stalker, making him or her gone, it is best to cut your losses and make the stalker disappear out of your life at the earliest possible moment following the realization that you are dealing with one in the first place. You might be thinking easier said than done, but, hell, Dog, it doesn’t seem to me you have any choice, unless, that is, you feel like being harassed and eventually vandalized, assaulted, maybe even killed. No brainer, far as I’m concerned, If you agree, read on:

 

First of all, some pithy and prophetic axioms of stalking:

 

  • Men who can’t let go chose women who can’t say no.
  • The nicer the rejection, the more the stalker will interpret it as affection.
  • The best way to stop contact with a stalker is to stop contact with a stalker.

 

Secondly, how about a few Stalker Danger Signs:

 

  • Stalker will research his/her victim early. An example of this might be the stalker asking others at a party questions about the eventual victim.
  • Stalker is overly invested. An example of this might be meeting a man or woman and the same night receiving three or four messages from him/her.
  • Refusal to accept “no.” The stalker will negotiate and argue when his/her victim says he or she is not interested.
  • Hyper-Attentiveness.
  • Early on the victim feels uncomfortable about the stalker and his/her actions, mind set, etc.
  • Early on, stalker offers unsolicited help. Tries to get self invested in victim’s life.
  • Stalker projects emotions, feelings, actions ON TO THE VICTIM that are not present.
  • Stalker romances victim at a mind-numbing whirlwind pace.
  • Stalker monitors victim’s activities, whereabouts, etc.
  • Hyper-Jealousy.
  • Isolates victim from family and friends.
  • Refusal to hear “no!”

 

SUGGESTIONS FOR STOPPING THE STALKER:

 

  1. Contact police or trusted authority figure ASAP.
  2. MAKE REJECTION FINAL!
  3. Make it clear that you are breaking it off because of his/her actions, not because of another suitor/you just want to be friends because you are not ready/whatever. Again: You do not want to see the stalker because of his or her actions!

________________________________________________ ______________________________________

Hammer Note: Maybe a little insight into the way a stalker thinks will help here: If you say, “I’m sorry, Betty/Bruce, but I don’t think we should see each other any more. I met a man/woman at work and we just fell in love. I didn’t want it to happen, but it did—“ Trust me, the stalker will immediately think: Ok. Fine. All I have to do is make this new guy simply disappear and she will be mine, all mine! Again. It has to be cold and it has to be final!

______________________________________________________________ _________________________

 

  1. If the above 3 tactics fail, make it tougher for the stalker to contact you, to track you. Change your phone numbers. Leave work at different times. Change your patterns.
  2. After you break it off, and he calls – and, believe me, he or she will call – do not answer his calls and do not return his or her messages, no matter how many times he or she calls. If, after the 300th phone call, you finally pick up the phone and say “Gees, Chuck, how many times I have to tell you not to call me any more?” the only thing that will register is that you answered his/her call. The stalker will not hear the secondary rejection. He now knows your initial rejection was insincere, and, also, it will take 300 phone calls to get through to you.
  3. Document everything and work with police.

 

WHAT ABOUT A PFA OR A RESTRAINING ORDER. For the serious stalker who has made a very large personal and emotional investment in you, he or she is hooked, addicted to you. Sadly, this route will probably not work. As a matter of fact, this kind of control freak can become seriously deadly when his or her victim obtains a PFA or Restraining Order.

 

What About Asking A Friend To Confront the Stalker.  Have Him or Her Warn Him To Stop?  The idiotic, brain-damaged stalker wil interpret this action as a sign that his girlfiend is conflicted; otherwise, he will think, she qwould have told me herself.  And the police cannot intervene at this point either because he has broken no laws.

 

Until Next time, Stay Safe.

 

Hammer

ON STALKING

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND STALKING

ACCORDING To the Violence Against Women Grants Office’s 2ND Annual Report to Congress (circa 2000), “survey results indicate that stalking is a much bigger problem than previously assumed.” Well, about 10 years later, we now know how serious stalking is.

STALKING IS (as defined by most states) “the willful, malicious, and repeated following and harassing of another person” Some states throw in activities such as lying in wait, surveillance, nonconsensual communications, telephone harassment, and vandalism. Moreover, stalking usually requires a “course of conduct directed at a specific person that involves repeated – two or more – visual or physical proximity, nonconsensual communications, verbal, written, or implied threats, or a combination thereof—-causing the person to feel a high level of fear or bodily harm.”

THE SURVEY FOUND that 8% of all women and 2.2% of all men surveyed were stalked at least once in their lifetime. Thirty-eight per cent of stalking victims included wives; 10% were partners; 14% were stalked after a date or a few dates; 4% were relatives; 19% were female acquaintances (34% were male acquaintances); and 23% of women were stalked by a male stranger. Interestingly, 36% of males reported being stalked by a female stranger.

THE REPORT goes on to outline victim service providers and how they can be expected to increase their outreach to stalking victims to help these victims, assist police and prosecutors in building stalking cases, etc. I suggest, if you are a victim of stalking, that you take it seriously – I don’t have the statistics in front of me, but, believe me, if not fractured early, there is a geometric progression of aggression in the Stalker’s Cycle. Law enforcement, the Courts and the Criminal Justice System itself – along with these victim outreach program can and will help to break that vicious cycle and get you back to a normal and safe life.

BUT I MUST WARN you, the criminal justice system can get the job done, if what you want is your stalker to be targeted, intervened upon, arrested and prosecuted. And for 97-98% of the cases, if you follow through all the way until sentencing (and beyond – when he or she is released on parole or probation, even), you’ll get your wish. Of course, if you’ve done the math, you might be asking me right now, “Uhh, Hammer, that’s lovely, but, that still leave 2 to 3% of the stalkers out there that a PFA (Protection From Abuse) Order and Criminal Justice intervention won’t stop. What works with them, and who the heck are these “3-Percenters, anyway?”

Next Two Posts: The 3 Percenters and How To Stop Him (Her). Until then, Stay Safe.
Hammer

Fake It ‘Til You Make It, Baby!

NEVER underestimate the role your mind plays in survival motor skills. The connection between the brain and your physical actions during a life or death fight against a determined attacker is absolutely crucial. Ergo, if you believe you are going to lose, if you don’t have a pre-determined plan of action, or, if you have a plan but you don’t believe in it, you are going to lose. That simple.

 

TAKE IT one step further. If you have a Negative Nexus between mind and body, as described above, and, as in most self defense situations, you are fighting a larger, stronger, meaner and totally A-social foe, you will absolutely be destroyed in place.

 

SO, here is the dealio. We are going to win this fight, despite the disparity in strength, size and mentality. Whatever. And how are we going to do this, you ask? We are going to learn from the Negative Nexus and try on a Positive Nexus for size.

 

I always have believed in the importance of Mental Conditioning. I have a lot of experience at it, by the way. A lot. Point a gun at a target and imagine that you are pointing your finger at what you want to hit, and wham, bullseye. Believe that you can de-escalate a scene and, whoosh, the scene is cool.

 

CAN YOU think of a situation when you believed you could do something that others thought you couldn’t? How’d it turn out? Pretty swell, huh? Same thing for self defense.

 

Believe in yourself. Believe in a pre-determined Plan of Action and stay committed to it. Look at the Bad Guy as a series of closed and open targets, not some terrifying-looking behemoth. Condition yourself mentally by:

 

  • Cycle Breathing and giving your self Positive Self Talks.
  • Have a pre-determined survival plan. Believe in that plan and stay committed to it.
  • Expect the Unexpected so you are never surprised.
  • Ask yourself “What (would I do) If (such and such) happened?”
  • Commit yourself Never To Give Up. Never!

 

Stay Safe Until Next Time.

Hammer

 

 

 

NEVER underestimate the role your mind plays in survival motor skills. The connection between the brain and your physical actions during a life or death fight against a determined attacker is absolutely crucial. Ergo, if you believe you are going to lose, if you don’t have a pre-determined pan of action, or, if you have a plan but you don’t believe in it, you are going to lose. That simple.

 

TAKE IT one step further. If you have a Negative Nexus between mind and body, as described above, and, as in most self defense situations, you are fighting a larger, stronger, meaner and totally a-social foe, you will absolutely be destroyed in place.

 

SO, here is the dealio. We are going to win this fight, despite the disparity in strength, size, A-social mentality. Whatever. And how are we going to do this, you ask? We are going to learn from the Negative Nexus and try on a Positive Nexus for size.

 

I always have believed in the importance of Mental Conditioning. I have a lot of experience at it, by the way. A lot. Point a gun at a target and imagine that you are pointing your finger at what you want to hit, and wham, bullseye. Believe that you can de-escalate a scene and, whoosh, the scene is cool.

 

CAN YOU think of a situation when you believed you could do something that others thought you couldn’t? How’d it turn out? Pretty swell, huh? Same thing for self defense.

 

Believe in yourself. Believe in a pre-determined Plan of Action and stay committed to it. Look at the Bad Guy as a series of closed and open targets, not some terrifying-looking behemoth. Condition yourself mentally by:

 

  • Cycle Breathing and giving your self Positive Self Talks.
  • Have a pre-determined survival plan. Believe in that plan and stay committed to it.
  • Expect the Unexpected so you are never surprised.
  • Ask yourself “What (would I do) If (such and such happened?”
  • Commit yourself Never To Give Up. Never!

 

Stay Safe Until Next Time.

Hammer

 

 

 

NEVER underestimate the role your mind plays in survival motor skills. The connection between the brain and your physical actions during a life or death fight against a determined attacker is absolutely crucial. Ergo, if you believe you are going to lose, if you don’t have a pre-determined pan of action, or, if you have a plan but you don’t believe in it, you are going to lose. That simple.

 

TAKE IT one step further. If you have a Negative Nexus between mind and body, as described above, and, as in most self defense situations, you are fighting a larger, stronger, meaner and totally a-social foe, you will absolutely be destroyed in place.

 

SO, here is the dealio. We are going to win this fight, despite the disparity in strength, size, A-social mentality. Whatever. And how are we going to do this, you ask? We are going to learn from the Negative Nexus and try on a Positive Nexus for size.

 

I always have believed in the importance of Mental Conditioning. I have a lot of experience at it, by the way. A lot. Point a gun at a target and imagine that you are pointing your finger at what you want to hit, and wham, bullseye. Believe that you can de-escalate a scene and, whoosh, the scene is cool.

 

CAN YOU think of a situation when you believed you could do something that others thought you couldn’t? How’d it turn out? Pretty swell, huh? Same thing for self defense.

 

Believe in yourself. Believe in a pre-determined Plan of Action and stay committed to it. Look at the Bad Guy as a series of closed and open targets, not some terrifying-looking behemoth. Condition yourself mentally by:

 

  • Cycle Breathing and giving your self Positive Self Talks.
  • Have a pre-determined survival plan. Believe in that plan and stay committed to it.
  • Expect the Unexpected so you are never surprised.
  • Ask yourself “What (would I do) If (such and such happened?”
  • Commit yourself Never To Give Up. Never!

 

Stay Safe Until Next Time.

Hammer

AUTOMATIC DECISION POINT: KNOWING WHEN TO FIGHT!

ONE CRUCIAL CONCEPT that all too often escapes many martial arts and self defense instructors is exactly how and when do you know that all the bull crap – the pre-attack posturing, intimidation, testing and what not – has ended and the bad ass is about to throw the first punch?

 

THOUGHT I would share with you, then, some of my sure-fire signs that a fist or foot is about to be introduced to your face or ass. What do you think?

 

HAMMER’S SURE-FIRE SIGNS A FIST OR FOOT IS ABOUT OPEN UP A CAN OF WHUP-ASS!

“HIT HIM NOW” SIGNS. When the following phenomenon occur, these are Decision Points! Stop Thinking and Hit Him Square and Hit Him Fast!

 

  • 3 MAJOR SIGNS THE FIGHT IS ON.”
    1. Body Language.
      • Ø The Hiatus: The Bad Guy goes quiet, looks away for a second, then turns back to you, followed by a
      • Ø Target Stare. The Bad Guy will look at wherever he is going to strike you a second or so before he does it.
      • Ø The Finger Jab. The Bad Guy is “testing the waters.” If you do nothing, you are telling him “c’mon in. The waters fine.” Like I said in the lead in to these factors, hit him now!
      • Ø The Shove. According to Jacov Bresler, an Israeli self defense guru, “a shove is always followed by a punch.”
      • Ø The Chin Drop. Jacov Bresler also propounds that the Chin Drop is the Bad Guy’s instinctive act of protecting his or her neck and that a Chin Drop always means trouble.
      • Ø The Initial Strike. Never allow the Bad Guy to strike you – even when the hit appears to be semi-harmless – without you counter punching immediately! If he strikes you once, there is little doubt that he will hit you again, this time harder.

 

  1.   The Threat.
  • Ø A threat is always a Signature of danger. A Red Flag you must heed.
  • Ø Many novices do nothing when faced with an obvious
  • Ø A distinctive threat (as opposed to one you think is one implicitly) is a sign the Bad Guy is ramping up his courage, confidence and emotions to give him the wherewithal to carry out an attack.
  • Ø Things will escalate fast following a threat!

 

  1. Sudden Silence.

 

  • Ø Sudden Silence is a reliable Signature Of Danger because—
  • Ø The Bad Guy is holding an internal dialog about what he is about to do to you.
  • Ø Fighting Arts Rule: Fighters do not talk and fight.

 

BANG HIM UP WITH AN AUTOMATIC RESPONSE.

 

  • Key Elements That Create An Automatic Decision Point, at which point you need not to think about it. Just Bang Away>
    • Ø The Combination of Bad Body Language, A Verbal Threat and Sudden Silence, plus—
    • Ø When the Bad Guy moves inside your PSZ (Personal Safety Zone), especially after you warned him: “Hey, man, stop. You don’t need to come any closer!” Any “normal” dude will stop right then and there. If he keeps on coming, nail him right there! Thing is, though, even though I am advocating lashing out when he penetrates your PSZ, you must mentally prepare (Spinal Tune) yourself as he begins to step in.
    • Ø Your gut-instincts are going hay wire. Danger! Danger!).
    • Ø CROSSING THE LINE. The key here is to define a “Line” that the Bad Guy has to cross for you to automatically respond. On one side of that line, the person is just an annoying jerk; but, when he crosses that “line,” he becomes a Bad Guy.

 

Not only does this knowledge prepare you with an Automatic Response that will help to ameliorate any indecision (indecisiveness gives the appearance of weakness to a Bully), it will also alleviate the fear that you can be arrested and charged with assault. This fear is justifiable; and it is a fear most criminals and bullies do not share. In my mid, they are A-social animals who rarely share your concerns and values. But, think of it, if you follow The Hammer’s rationale, you have observed his body language, have asked him and warned him nicely not to come any closer, and, in contrast, he, the attacker, has ignored your warning, has threatened you, has moved closer, has jabbed his finger into your chest and maybe even struck you before your righteously retaliated.

 

Until next time, Stay Safe.

 

Hammer